As a couple how do you work through recovery for both you and your spouse? The answer is; one day at a time. During the next two weeks Darcy and I will talk about how both of us got through our recovery and healing one day at a time. The first week Brian will hit on how he did it this way.
When we first started our healing as a couple I wanted to just run porn over and tell it to get the hell out of my life. How ever it was not just going to leave us alone just like that. It had spent too much time trying to rip me away from my wife, children, family, and God. And up to this point it had done a great job.
When I first started off in our recovery process we were ready to go and I was just going to stop looking at porn and Darcy would just be happy it was over and we would go on living our new life. This was all good for about the first month but, things got a lot harder at about the one month point. Now the adrenalin of fighting this was going away and the real fight for my purity was going to have to happen.
At many times during the day images of women, porn scenes, and even sounds from movies would pop in my head. I could have been at work, home, and even at church and this would happen. It did not matter if it was morning, noon, or night. It was getting harder for me to fight off the temptation with the attack of images in my head. Up to this point I still had not realized how much porn had become a part of my life. So much so that now my mind and body were fighting against me. I had removed something that my mind was use to and thought that it needed it was trying to help feed what it again thought it needed. It was coming at me at all times of day and in any location. This is when we realized I needed to fight this one day at a time and that it was not just going to go away.
So what did that look like for me; one day at a time? Well I sat down and I mapped out my day; yes you will have to put some work into this if you want out of it. Here is what my day looked like broken up and I will explain how I attacked each section.
6:00 am – 7:00 am Prayer & Prep
7:00 am – 10:00 am Hour Prayer Alert
10:00 am – 12:00 pm Re-Focus & Re-Fresh
12:00 pm – 1:00 pm Walk Away
1:00 pm – 3:30 pm Hour Prayer Alert
3:30 pm – 5:00 pm Re-Focus & Re-Fresh
5:00 pm – 6:00 pm Relax
6:00 pm – 9:00 pm Revisit & Renew
9:00 pm – 11:00 pm Alone Time w/ Wife
11:00 pm – 11:15 pm Prayer & Prep
These were the areas that I needed to pay attention to get through my day at this point in my recovery.
Prayer & Prep
Right when I would wake up I would sit in bed and pray that in this day God would walk with me the entire day and that he would provide ways for me to get away from any temptations I may have. This was also a time for me to look ahead and remind my self what I was doing and why I was doing it. I would also do this right before I would go to bed. I would thank God for everything he had provided that day to help.
Hour Prayer Alert
I had a watch that would beep on the hour every hour and when ever it would go off I would just stop what I was doing and just take that quick moment to talk to God and re align my self if I needed it.
Re-Focus & Re-Fresh
When ever you see this in my break down is when I would really struggle during my day. The reason was because during the 10 am and lunch things would slow down for me at work and my mind would wonder. During these times I would often have thoughts or images in my head so I decided that during this time frame I would remind my self why I was working so hard to remove this from my life. I would just pause for a little bit and look at a picture of my wife or kids or read a passage that reminded me of the relationship that God really wanted me to have.
During this time I did not really have a way to look at porn it was either time to drive home from work or a pre determined time that I was with others.
Revisit & Renew
This was time for me to get to know my family again and work on building the bond that a family should have. I would spend more time with my children and let them know that they were now the focus of my life. I was filling a void with what was right now that I had removed what was wrong.
Alone Time w/ Wife
Do not get me wrong this was not my only alone time with my wife, one hour. How ever the normal week this was the only time we had alone with out the kids. This was time to work on bringing our marriage back to what it should be as well. Oh did I say WORK; yep that is right marriage is work I do not care how you look at it. It will take work to keep your marriage strong and it will take work to rebuild your marriage after an addiction to sexual sin.
Not everyone’s breakdown would look like this. We all have very different lives and structure to how we go about our busy lives. But if you sit down and really focus on how and were temptation gets the better of you you’ll be able to come up with a plan to carry you through the day.
Next week Darcy will talk about her one day at a time and how forgiveness, understanding, and love played key roles in her healing.
Please feel free to place comments here and Darcy & I will do our best to reply or if you would like to send a private email you may do so at [email protected]