When you hear a mother say that her adult son is an alcoholic, you feel for her and tell her that her son will “be in your prayers”. When a father shares that his teenage daughter is strung out on drugs, many offer hope and help to him and even say they have experienced something similar with their own child. But try mentioning that your husband struggles with pornography and see what you get.
A disgusted look.
Raised eyebrows.
Judgment about your ability to “please your man”.
Half-hearted smile.
Ceased conversation.
That’s why I didn’t tell a soul that my pastor husband struggled with porn for all those years.
Nobody wanted to talk about pornography. It was the dirty sin. It was the sin that people knew what you did when you looked at naked pictures. They knew that you were sitting at a computer and they knew that it was followed by the “M” word. It was disgusting and they’d rather you just keep that information to yourself. Heck, they’d rather hear that your husband was strung out on Meth than to hear he was pleasuring himself while looking at women online that he didn’t even know.
Today things are different thanks to people’s willingness to no longer live in the dark. Thanks to organizations that offer help for those trapped in this bondage. Because of their bravery, people like my husband found freedom and I found the ability to walk with dignity even when his “dirty little secret” came out.
If you are reading this and you or your spouse struggles with pornography, you’ve come to a safe place. A high percentage of men and a growing percentage of women struggle with this issue. And now, they are talking about it, shedding light on a monster that has contaminated our society.
You are not alone. There is hope.