Live God’s Word. I know what you’re thinking, and no, this is not going to be easy. It’s never easy for anyone, even the most pious. However, falling apart in your own house will likely cause you to fall apart in the House of God as well. And this is the time you want to be reaching out to God the most. There is a huge hurt upon you and you must keep looking heavenward for help.
Rebuild your sex life. Women, it will be so hard to look at this man sexually that you may feel repulsed by because of his porn habit.
3The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 5Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 1 Cor. 7:3-5
Think of God’s word as a plan. Much like doctors, lawyers, teachers, etc… have to plan their work; our marriages need a blueprint to follow. That takes sitting down and thinking for yourself what you want, and then talking to your spouse about his needs and wants. You may not always agree, and compromise is a must, but don’t sacrifice your soul and what you believe is right. Stand firm on things of substance to you. For me, I stand firm on this: if you want to remain married to me, NO PORN anymore at all, ever! But, if he is tempted, I want him to talk to me. I want him to find a male friend he can confide in, and I want him to seek out a Christian accountability partner in our church. But I don’t want to tear him down. I don’t want to be the nagging wife from which he needs to escape!
14 Houses and wealth are inherited from parents,
but a prudent wife is from the LORD. Proverbs 19:14
15 A quarrelsome wife is like
a constant dripping on a rainy day; Proverbs 12:15
Lastly, wives even though you are torn down, and trust me, I was so broken, there were mornings that I thought getting out of bed would be like putting together a 500-piece puzzle, you’ve got to be present in your marriage. I have a very demanding, almost insane job. There are some days I leave work saying that I don’t know how I can come back the next day. I will dread it some days, and other days I’m in love with it. Marriage is much the same way. There are days that you want to get in your car at the end of the day, pass the exit that takes you home and keep driving. Yet to rebuild this relationship, you’ve got to be there. Husbands, too! Don’t avoid going home and facing the real issues in front of you. In your “planning” stage, you and your spouse must confront issues like, “what time should we be home every night for family time together,” “how many nights a week should we plan to have dinner at the table together,” “how can we both better parent our children as a team,” and this is a big one, “what can I do to make you feel special?” And this goes BOTH ways. Both you and your spouse must find answers to these questions!
Men do not want to go home sometimes because at home, they are just “husband” or “father.” Yet, at work, at the corner bar, or among friends, they may be the super wonderful hero. My husband, for example, was so well liked at work, I would tease him that he practically had a harem! Women swooned over him…really! Yet he would walk in the door and I was exhausted from work and school, and putting up with our two children. The hero fell from grace quickly as I handed over a daughter that needed a diaper change or the letter from our son’s school about yet another infraction of the rules. He went from being respected and admired, complimented all day to being the man I saw naked and who often left “presents” behind in the toilet when he forgot to flush! Wives, we forget that once upon a time, this man was a rock star to us. We waited for his phone calls and got butterflies at the sound of his car when it pulled into our drive (a sound we memorized and could differentiate from all the other engines). Wives, we have to appreciate our husbands so that the transition from hero at work to servant at home doesn’t deflate him. Husbands, however, also need to understand our situations.
7Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. 1 Peter 3:7
Men, if you’re reading this, being the hero at work can extend to home if you act like the hero at home! Change the diaper, offer to take dinner out of the oven, fold the laundry while she does the dishes, or even let her watch television for a bit while you take over! You’ve got to be there for your wife and kids. Your wife doesn’t resent you because you’re too awesome. You earned some of the disdain you’re getting at home. Husbands and wives, if you are not there for your family, the devil will be and it is the responsibility of both partners not let Satan lead what God has give you responsibility for! Jesus said in Matthew 7:24-27 that we should take the time to make sure the foundation is rock solid because WHEN (not if) the rains come and we aren’t solid…the crash is going to be intense. It’s time to take the covenant of marriage seriously. Dedicate to it, and learn to fall in love all over again with Jesus Christ. Both of you.