To be honest, I’m not a huge fan of Valentine’s Day. Not because I loathe the holiday or anything; it’s just never been a big hoopla around our house. Even when I was growing up, it wasn’t a big deal. However, I understand the desire to feel and express love and gratitude in a romantic way. And just to be clear, SEX with your spouse should not be reserved for Valentine’s Day and special occasions. Sure, it’s a great way to end the night, but it isn’t really a present. If you are not intimately connecting with your spouse on a pretty regular basis, you may need to seek God can restore your marriage. That said, I do think sex is an awesome way to celebrate with your sweetheart.
So let’s discuss how to honor God this Valentine’s Day.
A long time ago there was this really cool guy who loved Jesus a lot and he said, “Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God” (1st Corinthians 10:31). When the Apostle Paul wrote these words, I’m quite sure he didn’t have chocolate covered strawberries and bubbly in mind, but thankfully he wrote this verse in such a way that it’s all inclusive. The Bible tells us that WHATEVER we do, we should do to the glory of God. This doesn’t just mean the big stuff like choosing a spouse, raising kids, building a career, handling conflict, and ministering to others. It also means the small stuff like driving the speed limit, leaving a nice tip for the waitress, offering someone your seat in the waiting room, and yes, even celebrating a little holiday like Valentine’s Day. But what does it mean to give glory to God? According to www.gotquestions.org, “glorifying God means to acknowledge His greatness and give Him honor by praising and worshiping Him, primarily because He, and He alone, deserves to be praised, honored and worshipped.” Essentially, to glorify God is to give him honor.
So how can we acknowledge God’s greatness and give Him honor and praise while celebrating a romantic holiday like Valentine’s Day? It may sound too simple but… showing your spouse you love him! Not expecting anything in return, but simply choosing to express your love and appreciation for him. The Bible tells us that people will know we are Christians, that we follow The Way of Jesus Christ, by how we love one another. So by showing love to our spouse, we honor God. Well, duh, right!? Ok so how do we show love; especially if we are in the midst of a marriage that is hurting and seeking healing? There are a couple things you can do but one of my favorite ways to express love to my husband is by doing something for him that makes him feel appreciated and that I “get him.” This will take a little imagination and creativity on your part, as all our husbands are different. But try finding something about your husband that you really appreciate and find a way to let him know. Maybe he works hard to support your family, maybe he washes your car every Saturday, maybe he switches out the laundry for you without being asked, maybe he always takes out the trash, maybe he fills your car with gas for you when he knows you’re going to go somewhere, maybe he plays with the kids when he gets home from work and is a ‘present’ dad, maybe he fixes dinner for you once in a while… sit down and try to think of the things that your husband does, even mundane things, that you can appreciate. Even if it’s something as simple as making coffee in the morning. Whatever you can think of, tell him how much you appreciate him. Men LOVE to be appreciated and respected. So try it. You’ll be surprised how much your love for him will grow as you ponder the things he does for you or your family, and he’ll be happy to know you appreciate him.
Even if your husband hurt you, God can reveal to you something special about him. Pray and ask God to help you if you’re struggling with finding something good. In the past, I made a “that was good” list for my husband. I was having such a hard time separating my husband and our entire marriage from his betrayal. That really hurt him. He didn’t think EVERYTHING was bad, but I wasn’t able to process what was good and what was bad. I just kept saying that EVERYTHING had been tainted by his sin. But God prompted me to write a list of everything I could think of that was GOOD in our marriage. Every memory, every deed, anything I could remember that was good. And to my surprise, I was able to write almost 100 memories or deeds that involved my husband and were not tarnished by his sin. When I presented the list to my husband, he got choked up. It may have seemed simple to me, but it was so important for his healing process to know that everything from our marriage hadn’t been a lie. That there were still glimpses of love and grace amidst the pain and suffering. It gave him hope and helped further our restoration.
So #1, tell him what you appreciate about him. And then #2, let him know you “get him.” Maybe your husband is a big sports fan (most are), or maybe he likes to do yard work, or maybe he likes to go golfing, or maybe he has a favorite TV show he likes to watch (uninterrupted)… Figure out what your spouse enjoys, and do that with him. For my hubby, he likes to read the paper and eat a nice, hot breakfast. But he doesn’t get to do that unless he goes to his mother’s house because a) we don’t get the paper, b) even if we got the paper, it’d be difficult to read with all four kids making a ruckus, and c) with four small children, the easiest way to feed them is with cereal or waffles!!! He never complains and eats what I give him. But he would know that I “get him” if he came to breakfast on Valentine’s Day and I had a crisp newspaper at his seat and a hot meal- scrambled eggs with cheese, bacon, and biscuits! He’d be in heaven ha-ha! It doesn’t need to be expensive or extravagant; it needs to be personal and thoughtful. So be creative, have fun, have sex, and honor God by showing your husband you love and appreciation him! Happy Valentine’s Day.