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Sobriety is Learning All Over Again

by Katie S on January 22nd, 2013 in Spouses

Step One.  Start again.  To some of you those are fresh words that mean a NEW start. To some of you that is frustrating because you may have had to go back to “step one” several times.  What does it look like to “learn it all over again” when it comes to a relationship?  What if you spouse has fallen several times and is asking for another chance?  What if you were called out of that relationship, because the other party was not willing to change or get help?  Either way, you have to learn the new role you have been put or forced into.  How do we learn this new role with grace and still sift through our emotions?  I may have more questions about this topic than answers.  Feel free to get some dialog going on this one.  I feel like I can best relate to this topic on 3 levels. 

1.       As the wife that was asked for another chance.  My ex asked me to give him another chance….several times.  I did….several times.  Each time I had to learn how to be caring, compassionate, yet firm.  I had to learn how to forgive and let go of past hurts and NOT keep a record of wrongs (See 1Cor 13). It was hard, raw and painful.  It was a seeking the Lord every moment and asking HIM to fill me up.  I wanted to be hurt, angry and believe nothing good could come of this.  My ex did not turn from his porn addiction or the other women, or the abuse and I had to make the painful decision to divorce.

2.       As the single mom wearing the label of divorce and failed marriage.  I had to learn how to forgive, from a distance. I had to learn not to wish and will wrong on my ex husband.  I also had to learn to love, trust, and move on.  Sobriety came in the form of severing.  I had to cut many of the strings that were tied to my ex husband that were unhealthy and I had become co-dependent on.  This was a crazy time of freedom and re-learning who I was and what the Lord wanted from me.  I felt like I was 15 and so unsure of what my next step was.

3.       As the new wife. Learning to trust and forgive.  Not letting the past cloud how I view my new husband.  Making sure there is openness and honesty in our home about what we struggle with.  Dealing head on the sin that we both get tangled in and making sure God is in the center of our marriage and our home. 

 The learning never ends.  No matter where you are in this…..I pray you seek the Lord for EVERY step and let Him lead you. 

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