Anyone who has been reading my blog from the beginning knows that I am currently separated from my husband. It came after years of being in the battle often times standing on the front line alone. It came after believing beyond any doubt that this step was ordained by GOD. It came knowing I no longer had to worry about convincing those that wanted me to divorce why I wasn’t and those who wanted me to stay in the craziness why I wasn’t. This was between God and me. Not all of my readers are “Christians” but all of my readers know that I am and I take God’s direction in my life very seriously and I seek to continually discern His voice to know what the next steps are.
During my lifetime, but specifically in the last 7 years I have seen and experienced a lot more than I wish. My best friend who once had the picture perfect marriage found herself also in the same situation as me– only worse in my eyes; her husband had 5 affairs in less than 4 years and the most recent affair he absolutely refused to give up. This came after 12 years of a solid marriage! I know you hear that same whisper that says “it must not have really been that good” but it was! I was there. They served our church for 12 years, they were social and active with the church and invested in so many other lives…there was no reason for this. What causes someone to suddenly “fall off their rocker”? A sinful nature and an undisciplined heart/mind.
So here my best friend and myself are essentially in the same situation. Both of us love our husbands deeply, both of us want our marriages to work, both of us are willing to forgive and walk out the restoration process with our husbands, both of us love GOD. Unfortunately her husband didn’t want reconciliation or restoration. He chose the “other woman” just like my husband chooses his paper dolls. Her husband is 58 years old, the other woman is 35. My best friend is 52 but doesn’t look a day over 35! She is gorgeous; she is thin, long blond hair, big blue eyes, has a great sense of humor and the most godly woman I have ever known. Why do I bring her physical features into it? Let’s face it… men who are straying are usually looking at the physical! So I bring it into the equation to “build my case” so to speak. So here are our men. Mine is playing with paper dolls (graven images of porn) that leave him feeling empty, disgusted and missing his wife and his home yet he continues in this rut year in year out. My best friend’s husband is now alone because the 35 year old moved on to better things. Let’s face it- a man who is almost 60 starting over again because of his own infidelities? hmmmm… he’s not really that attractive after all when you look at the bigger picture. His “wife” well… she divorced him when she realized that moving out didn’t bring him back to his senses and now, she is no longer an option.
The Lord brought a godly man back into my best friend’s life afer 20+ years. A man she once dated briefly after her first husband died. After seeking the Lord for 6-9 months, both of them felt they were being called to marriage. So on January 2 of this year my best friend remarried and she is starting a brand new life with someone who loves her, is committed to her and someone who can relate to all she had been through with the ultimate betrayal; you see, his wife, the mother of his two young children left him and their children for another man. So here my friend is now a new wife & mom at 52! It’s crazy I tell you…just crazy! Is she happy? Extremely– but she still grieves for what has happened. “It didn’t have to be this way” she has said to me on many occasions. I know she worries about her ex husband’s condition. From all appearances, he still seems to be floundering in addition to many financial and personal crisis since the divorce.
Why am I blogging all of this? For selfish reasons probably… I am processing the whole thing. I have gone out to her apartment over the last several weeks to help her pack up her apartment (she still commutes to work so she wasn’t in a hurry to move everything out) and well in the midst of it all such a bittersweet collection of emotions would come in waves over me. Joy that God has freed her from the prison of her ex husband’s selfish choices, lifestyle and consequences thereof, but sad for the loss of something that was once so incredible- something that should have never been thrown to the dogs. I am so broken up inside. THIS SIN DEVASTATES SO MANY LIVES. Yes, God can definitely bring beauty from ashes and can work things together but it doesn’t mean that the betrayal, heartache and loss is undone or even forgotten. This I am sure is why God hates divorce… it is the ripping apart of one flesh thus leaving not two whole people but two halves…incomplete.
There is the sad truth that this has caused me to look at my own situation. Wondering if my husband will ever turn from this horrendous, hideous, empty lifestyle, wondering if our marriage will ever be restored…wondering if God has another chance for me out there somewhere… or if I will remain in the “in between”.
It is in the waiting that I feel the most out of control and yet giving God total control is exactly where I want to be.
In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.
Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.
Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.
Wait for the LORD and keep his way. He will exalt you to inherit the land; when the wicked are cut off, you will see it.
I wait for you, O LORD; you will answer, O Lord my God.
I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry.
I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope.
My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning.
Do not say, “I’ll pay you back for this wrong!” Wait for the LORD, and he will deliver you.
Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!
I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.”
it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD.
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