I found this article today and well, I won’t tell you what I think. Instead… why don’t you take a look and tell me what YOU think?
Can Men Look at Porn and Want their Wife?
My husband is looking at
porn on the Internet. He says he loves me deeply and that the porn
comes second to us. He says that I don’t make him feel loved but that
he wants me.
He has never said anything about my weight but I do feel I need to lose
weight. All I keep thinking about is him watching slim girls with pert
breasts and flat stomachs. But he says it isn’t their slimness that
attracts him. He maintains that it is the acts that they are doing
which turns him on.
He says he would never bring books or videos in and he only
watches it when we haven’t had sex for a while. You see, I don’t often
want sex after working, dealing with kids, etc.
Is it normal for men to look at naked girls and still want their wives?
We are still arguing about it five days later, we both have said we
want to be with each other. But how do we sort it out?
Unfortunately, this is one of the commonest subjects in our mailbag.
Vast numbers of husbands and boyfriends watch porn on the Internet â€“
often to the distress of their wives. So you are very far from alone.
It may well be that like a lot of guys your husband does love
you, but also enjoys looking at naked girls. You clearly have a very
poor ‘self-image’ at the moment and it is desperately important that
you do something to improve this.
Over to Christine.
Before the Internet, many happily married guys looked at porn. But they
did it in magazines. Or some invested in videos â€“ or, in the
pre-video age, in ‘blue movies’.
You see, the average, normally-sexed guy is probably always
going to want more sexual stimulus than the average woman can provide
â€“ especially over a long marriage. This is a fact of life. However,
most women find it strange.
Many wives are also appalled to discover that the majority of married men also masturbate
from time to time. But the truth is that men do tend to
compartmentalise sex much more than we women do. It can easily just be
an act of titillation or self-release that means nothing except for
that moment of temporary pleasure and release of tension. I do think
this is hard for some women to appreciate – but trust me, it’s true.
Now, you clearly are not happy with yourself. You also, by your own admission, are often tired and have little or no interest in sex.
So, I think that if the two of you are going to overcome this, you need
to take a long hard look at yourself and try to make things better –
not just for him, but for you.
I suggest firstly that you do the self-esteem test, and then take the advice that’s given there when your score is calculated.
I also think that you need to think about the relationship with your
husband. Maybe you’ve stopped going out and enjoying each other’s
company. Maybe you’ve stopped seeing each other in a romantic way.
Maybe you’re too absorbed in your kids. A situation like the one you’re
in forces reappraisal. I feel that it could even be a blessing in
disguise. If you take steps to improve things now, you can save this
marriage. If you don’t, then there is always the possibility that
things will deteriorate still further.
You mention your weight, clearly you’re not happy with it. But this
is something you could change and you could do it for you. And when
you’re happier with yourself, you’ll find that your relationship is
likely to improve. Why not consider losing some weight?
Another thing you might do is to list all the things in your life that
you feel unhappy or dissatisfied with. Next, divide these things into
- those you can do something about.
- those you can’t.
Then concentrate on the first list, and resolve to tackle one of these issues at a time, until you’ve sorted them all.
I know you’ve had a horrid shock, but this situation is redeemable if
you work together to improve your relationship and if you work hard at
becoming a happier person with better self-esteem.
Dr David Delvin, GP, and Christine Webber, sex and relationships expert
Article found on Tiscali, UK.