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When our husbands look elsewhere…

by Michelle on July 21st, 2008 in Spouses

When our husband’s look elsewhere, usually we feel like we are not enough. 

 

When a husband takes a second or third glance at women in public, looks intently at women on magazine covers, views pornography, checks out dating sites, and or has an extramarital affair we are left feeling like we just don’t measure up and sadly more often than not a wife feels as if somehow this is her fault.

That is a lie.   The truth lies in her husband’s heart condition.  His heart is not right with his maker. This has nothing to do with the wife yet often she finds herself thinking that if only she was thinner, prettier, smarter, her teeth were straight or whiter, her hair a different shade or longer or shorter, her ‘attributes’ more ‘fine tuned’ with a nip here, a tuck there and an augment you know where then things would be different.  Sureley then he would not need to look elsewhere.

I have been guilty of this mindset.  I have been known to shop for specific outfits or shoes that I knew would please my husband, yoyo diet to win his affection, and even change my hair color or style to give him a variety of looks.   Now I am not saying that we shouldn’t take into consideration what our husband’s would like or that we shouldn’t try to dress or look nice for him- I am saying that when our motive for doing so is to win him over as if we are in competition with the world then there is a problem because that heart motive will only leave us sadly disappointed and even more frustrated than before.  I suggest if you are struggling in this area that you do some self evaluation as recommended in 2Corinthians 13:5 to see if your heart motives are motivated by the Lord or are influenced by the world.

The world tells us through ads, commercials, magazine covers, catalogs, pornography, television, movies, highway billboards, books and more that image is everything.  If we saturate ourselves in those things (husband’s this is for you, too) we will believe or be influenced by the world.  If we want to be transformed into God’s image and believe Him at His word for who He says we are then we must saturate ourselves with the Truth of His word.  When we are consumed with the world, we are blinded by the world but the word says this in 2Corinthians 3:16 “but whenever a person turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away.”  This tells me that GOD will open my eyes to His truth and renew my mind!  That is encouraging! So, what does God say to us?  Well, he says a lot, but specifically I want to share with you what He says about how He looks upon us and how that differs from how man looks upon us.  In 1Samuel 16:7 the second half of this verse says this: “…for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” Then in 2Corinthians 3:11 He says this: “For if that which fades away was with glory, much more that which remains is in glory.” Lastly; let us not forget that image and even beauty of this world fades as 2Corinthians 4:16 reminds us: “Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day.”

 

So?  What now? How do we begin to believe the truth about who we are and begin to break down the wall of lies that have shaped us for so long? We can start by searching God’s word on who we are and how He sees us.  After all, shouldn’t He be the Author of what matters to us?

  • “Listen, O daughter, consider and give ear: Forget your people and your father’s house, The king is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your Lord.” –Psalm 45:10-11
  •  For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb; I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” –Psalm 139:13-14
  • “Then your fame went forth among the nations on account of your beauty, for it was perfect because of My splendor which I bestowed on you,” declares the Lord GOD.-Ezekiel 16:14
  •   “Many daughters have done nobly, But you excel them all.” Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.-Proverbs 31:29-30
  •  You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride; you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace.  You are a garden fountain, a well of flowing water streaming down from Lebanon.” –Song of Solomon 4:9,15

There are so many more truths and promises in God’s word for you.  Delight yourself in His word.  He wants to set you free from the bondage of the lies you have believed.  He has so much to say to you. YOU are beautiful because GOD made you beautiful. No one can take that from you. If your husband doesn’t see you with the eyes of Christ it will not matter what your outer appearance ever looks like for he will not know you as you are.

I want to leave you today with a link to a video that I put on the P4P myspace page.  I think every woman needs to hear what Lindsey Kane has on her heart about the beauty of a woman.  Measure of Beauty.

My prayer for you is that your eyes will be opened to what a beautiful and unique woman you are.  That you will truly believe you were hand made by God of the Universe and He has a plan and a purpose for your life that can not be defined by what any person here on earth thinks or sees you as.  No one can hinder your ability to walk in the fullness of God for your life… no one but you, of course.  Stop believing the world and start believing God!

 

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