“If you can’t be a good example, be a horrible warning.”
I am the horrible warning. I did NOT tell my husband I struggled. About 3 years into our first marriage, I told him how my last roommate was actually my lesbian lover. You know, *gulp*, the lady that lived with us a while?
The Lord had been working on me to confess and I finally, tearfully, did. I told him it was all in my past. And I had mostly kept it there except for emotional dependencies with women that of course, for me, tend to lead to trouble. I had managed to keep a lid on it until year #7, when I had an affair with a girlfriend. Eventually, I sat him down and again, tearfully, shamefully, told him. With time and God we worked it out. So my cautionary tale is that waiting until you act out is not a good plan!
How to not end up a horrible warning:
If you do not know the Lord, now is a great time! Simply say I need You Lord! Come into my life. I don’t know You yet, but I believe in You. Forgive me of my sins. I believe You are the sin washer. I receive Your help. Bring Your God-sized power into my Life. I give You the steering wheel of my future. I trust in Your love.
1. Bring the problem before God. Just tell the truth. ”Lord, I struggle with this! I feel alone. Help me. How and when, do I tell my spouse? Should I talk to someone else confidentially first? ” Give Him this big problem. Tell Him everything.
2. Quiet your mind and racing thoughts. Pray over yourself. ”Lord, I ask Your help. I give You my heart, my mind, my will and emotions. I trust You have good in store for me as I simply wait for Your instructions. I bind the enemy from influencing me or my situation.”
3. Wait for the Lord, but not in a passive way. Wait can mean being open to listening for Him, feeling drawn to the right answer, or a scripture standing out to you. It means to be in a mind set of openness to God. The answer will not violate His Word. If you get something contrary to the Bible, go back to the praying over yourself step, and ask a godly person to be praying for you. You do not have to say why. Trust God to open the door at the right time and pray that you will simply know when that right time is. Then…
4. Launch. Just begin. Don’t open up a firehose on them, just begin. Sin is sin. Jesus died for sin. Their sin is not better looking than your sin. Being attracted to the same sex isn’t even sin, until it becomes lust or gets acted out. Just admit your struggle. Give them time to process. Everyone needs to be accountable for areas of weakness. They may have an area they need to talk about as well. Be open.
5. Trust God to work in their life. You are only in charge of you. If God led you to talk to them, and you did, you were obedient. Obedience does not mean you get an instant Rose Garden. It means you fulfilled your mission, and the rest is up to God and your spouse.
“Be strong and courageous, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9 ”
My soul, wait silently for God alone, For my expectation is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation; He is my defense; I shall not be moved. In God is my salvation and my glory; The rock of my strength, And my refuge, is in God.” Psalm 62:5
He only is your rock. Spotlight on Him. He is trustworthy!