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Hurt by Sexual Betrayal?

Watch These 3 Free Videos for Immediate Help.

I Just Found Out My Spouse Uses Porn


There is no feeling quite as sickening and shocking as discovering that your spouse has maintained a secret life of pornography and masturbation. The flood of emotions is often overwhelming: the shame, the embarrassment, the anger, the bewilderment. The extreme anger that lies in a question like, “How could they do this to me?” to the implicit humiliation of the follow-up question, “Was I not enough for them?

We’re truly sorry that you have to go through this devastating discovery.

We understand the very potent cocktail of emotions you’re feeling – probably all at the same time – and we empathize with you. Many of the people involved in XXXchurch have gone through exactly what you’re going through now; we get it.

Basic Advice

We also know that this doesn’t have to be the end.

In fact, in many cases over the years, we’ve seen that this sudden discovery has turned into the best thing that ever happened to a marriage. Not because there was porn involved, but because a secret was exposed to the light of the truth. Lies can be unmasked and hidden things can be revealed, and that’s when healing can start to occur.

There is something to be said about being fully known. There is a love that comes to us from God in that very way and if you can extend that same love to your spouse your marriage stands a good chance of reconciliation.

For those whose spouse has acknowledged this is a problem and wants help then we recommend the following:

Have a conversation. It takes two fully on board and fully committed to rebuilding the relationship on a surer foundation.

Decide on a plan of action. There must be a plan of action.

Accountability. It is needed for the one breaking free of addiction AND it is needed for the spouse.  If you are not familiar with what healthy accountability looks like and what it is meant to bring about please check out our Open video series. In addition—If internet porn was the problem then a filter on ALL devices is a must or get rid of the internet. X3watch Premium offers both filtering and accountability.

Resources. Have the struggling spouse download our full list of resources. We have workshops, books, and so much more.

Consider the Best Sex Life Now workshop. This workshop gives practical solutions to communication breakdown both inside and outside of the bedroom.

However if your spouse is unwilling to acknowledge there is a problem and or doesn’t want help then we recommend the following:

Pray. Only God can move on a person’s heart. Pray that God will bring your spouse to the end of themselves and cause their eyes to be opened to the devastation this is bringing about in their life and in the marriage.

Counsel. Seek individual help for you within your own circles. Whether your spouse wants it or not, you need it. You need support and you need to know you are not alone.

Community. Seek out a support group. There are many groups that are confidential and meet to offer the type of support that someone not in the same boat just can’t offer. We offer spouse groups with live online or by phone meetings. Visit X3groups.com for more info.

Recommended Resources

Need more encouragement? Have more questions?

Check out this free PDF with a complete list of recommended resources meant to help you and your spouse find freedom and hope.

Download

Are you addicted?

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