Read about the 2020 vision at XXXchurch here

I’m Having an Affair

We’re proud of you. Not because you’re having an affair – that is definitely not something we would endorse here – but we are proud of you for visiting XXXchurch and for admitting, if even through a single click, that you’re engaged in an extramarital affair.

You being on this website, on this very webpage, is a big step.

We would encourage you not to make this your only step. You obviously have a lot on your mind and a lot going on in your world; an affair is not something that anyone undertakes lightly. No one gets completely lost with their first wrong turn – you’ve gotten to where you are through a series of internal choices and external circumstances.

Basic Advice

Make the choice to change.

To honor your spouse (if you’re the one married) and/or the spouse of the person with whom you’re having an affair (if they’re married). The road you’ve been traveling on ultimately leads nowhere at best, or to total destruction at worst. And that road is going to be filled with eventual heartache; the later you wait to abandon that road, the more heartache it will entail.

Perhaps you’ll find this to be encouraging, though: one thing we’ve seen time and again are couples who have either had affairs or who are married to someone who had an affair – and they’ve gotten through it. It’s tough, it’s heartbreaking, and it requires a ton of work. But it’s worth it.

Here are some practical steps that we recommend you take:

Counseling. We would definitely recommend that you seek counseling, whether that’s through your church or through a licensed professional counselor. This is something that’s going to require guidance; please don’t try to figure this all out on your own.

Get accountable. Confession is only the first step. Finding a good accountability partner is critical. In fact, it’s wise even for those who have not had an affair. Seeking out a good accountability partner is a process and not something that one does on your behalf. Affairs and moral failures usually start out in secret. Accountability is about being transparent so there are no more secrets.

Communicate. Rebuild the communication in your marriage through love and acts of service. The counseling is a great beginning to the road of healing but trust is going to happen through fostering intimacy through relationship and communication with your spouse.

Consider The Best Sex Life Now workshop. We know that it takes time to rebuild what is broken in the marriage— from communication to sex. This workshop is about communication and intimacy in and out of the bedroom. There are several couples that lead this workshop and they all have unique stories and experiences.

Recommended Resources

Need more encouragement? Have more questions?


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