The very first time I ever looked at pornography, I did it all in the name of “education.” I was much younger than I am now, and I all I knew about intimacy were the things my friends were always joking about. I was grossed out and stopped after that, I knew how it worked, or at least I told myself that.
So when my friends told more sex jokes, I got more and more curious about what all this business was about. And that lead to more searching for answers, which we all know are crazy easy to get thanks to the World Wide Web. After seeing a few different couple banging it out for cash, I started to get a little perturbed, “Is something wrong with me?” Porn is in every way the worst sex-education I could have ever gotten, it is completely unrealistic. It’s a show.
So instead of using it to “learn how to perform,” I used it (at first) to prove and disprove whether or not I was sufficient. Stacking myself up against these toned, ridiculous bodies was just unrealistic and completely unhealthy. It wasn’t how it actually was, at least in “real” porn. After seeing a couple of the less “Hollywood-ized” offerings, I realized that sex is kind of gross. I thought it was pretty primitive and disgusting, and to this day, I don’t know if I ever want to partake in it. It’s disturbing to think that I could look like that.
One thing that pornography doesn’t teach you is how to perform in a relationship. They don’t teach you how to romance a woman in a healthy way that gets her to want to date and marry you. They don’t teach you anything, in fact. It’s just a show. Kind of like how watching Saving Private Ryan doesn’t teach you how to shoot guns or kill people effectively. It just shows you what those trained soldiers could do after the fact, even if they were just actors.
I realize now later in life that I didn’t want to learn how to have sex, I wanted to learn how women should be treated. And sweet Lord, pornography is not a good place to learn how to do that! I would encourage any younger person who is interested in girls and sex or guys and sex to find someone learned in the field who you trust, and simply ask them about it. Maybe you have a mentor or, God forbid, maybe you have a healthy relationship with your parents and you can simply ask them. You will be able to learn all their mistakes when it came to treating people of the opposite sex, they could really teach you how to perform in a good way. At least, I would hope so.
The thing is, I know most people, particularly guys, look at pornography to feed their lusts. But I think it lures teenagers in very effectively through curiosity, and I believe that can be avoided. For one, I would encourage people to not joke about sex so much, especially in front of teenagers. That was the thing that awakened curiosity in me the most.
I remember when someone joked about dildos, and instead of answering me when I asked what they were, they just told more jokes. I went out and found out myself, and I thought I was going to throw up. I think I was about 12. I know we can have a healthier method of educating teens about sex without confusing the crap out of them. And teach us how to treat women with respect while you’re at it!
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