Evolution- any process of formation or growth; development
Evolution saved my life, no, really it did. Not the widely debated scientific form of it that most Christians are allergic to talking about, I mean the process of evolution that brought me from darkness and into the light I confidently stand in today; the same process that shattered lies and rocked strongholds and overall challenged everything that once brought me comfort.
Proverbs 3:5-6– Trust in the Lord with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight.
For me personally evolution was more of a city bus than a prescription. This process had the audacity to come to the muck and mire that pornography had my life drowning in and transport it to the place God had long before called me to dwell. Each stop presented an opportunity to either get off the bus and settle, or pay a little more, to ultimately arrive at the ultimate destination that is freedom from pornography and total reliance on my Heavenly Father. Freedom will always cost you something, but the fulfillment we receive from Jesus far outweighs any price we paid to experience it.
Galatians 6:9– Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary
My first exposure to porn came at age 9 when a friend and I happened to stumble upon a Playboy magazine. What I saw that day aroused a curiosity in me that though I had never felt before, I knew somehow needed to be satisfied. As with any sin, that magazine was only the beginning of a torturous heart-wrenching journey that nearly cost me my life. Over the next 12 years I found myself watching sex scenes in movies over and over again, finding inappropriate videos on YouTube and eventually climaxed with my creating my own account on an online pornographic website. In the middle of all this I was still Abe, the good church kid that doesn’t drink or swear and has it all together. I loved God with everything I had, yet my commitments, time and resources often belonged to the idol of porn.
After almost 12 years of frustration, anger and lies I hit a dead end. Screaming at God about how much I hated it, yet faithfully returning to it again and again. Slamming my laptop shut day after day only to reopen it less than 24 hours later; continually clearing my user history just so I would feel better about myself when I returned to rewrite history the very next day. All of these finally led me to doing what I thought was the craziest thing in the world; I gave up and reached up for real help What I got in return was so much more than what I was expecting. Accountability came with gentle arms, not a harsh hand and God’s grace met me right where I was. That grace didn’t just pick me up and dust me off, but it told me who I was, who I belonged to and what my purpose on this earth was really about. It taught me habits that are a still a part of my life and Christian walk today. To be honest the changes hurt and were very uncomfortable at first. Pornography had been my refuge and comfort for so long and I was now disassociating my brain from any such thought. Jesus was the only constant through it all. His embrace and presence became my always sufficient answer to everything. He was there when I would slip and fall and feel like I’d gone nowhere. He would softly remind me of the process I signed up for.
Psalms 73:26– My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever
Philippians 1:6– For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus
Evolution is not a microwave process. It takes time and dedication, but it does deliver. My everyday addiction gradually became an every other day thing and eventually a once a week thing. Every step brought new freedom and a new reliance on my Creator. It cost me things yes, relationships, social status and self-image. But today I confidently count these things as nothing compared to the joy and fulfillment my new life in Christ has brought. No matter where you are in your addiction today, you’re never too far for the ever reaching, saving and restoring hand of God. Freedom may cost you something, but continuing on will eventually cost you everything.
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