Most people who struggle with porn are really excited about getting free. They are ready to not feel guilt or shame, they are ready to pursue Jesus and ready to throw their laptops to the trash so they can be pure.
Some really great reasons to stop looking at porn.
But when you tell them the first and most important step in achieving this their face usually drops. Because if you want to be free truly then you need to do this one thing. Here it is.
You need to tell someone you are looking at porn.
Great, Simple. Well thanks for reading. Let me know how you get on…
Of course it’s not that simple. It’s actually one of the most terrifying things you can do. But unfortunately it’s essential.
So how do you go about doing this?
Well the first part is finding someone to tell. This is easier than it seems because most of the reasons we have to not tell certain people are just excuses we use to try and legitimize our decision to not be honest.
So that person that you think would be good, who knows you already pretty well and who you trust, is probably the right person. Some people who don’t count are your pet dog, some randomner on the bus or your reflection in the mirror. Practice on them sure (not the randomer though, the police may be called) but find that person and tell them. Pray about it, think about it but don’t spend too much time doing this because you’re probably just putting it off.
If you are a guy, I would suggest another guy. The same if you are a girl. It could be your youth pastor, it could a mentor or a parent. The important thing is that it is someone who will not flake out on you and will be committed to you.
Well OK but what if I genuinely don’t have anyone I can trust? Well that’s why we’re here. Get connected to an X3group. Join with others guys who can help you and who will understand. But use this alongside someone you know personally and who will hang around when it gets tough.
Now to the nitty gritty. What words should you use? Can you tell them without actually telling them? Can you use charades? Probably not a good idea.
The first time I told someone I had a porn problem I didn’t have the courage to tell them face to face so I sent them an email. If this is what it takes then do it but the times that I have told people face to face have been the most rewarding.
Really there are no right or wrong words. The thing most of us who want to be open with someone else are afraid of, is the rejection, having to look them in the eye and see disappointment and sadness and maybe even disgust. At least that is what we tell ourselves they will feel. In reality if you have thought of someone who you trust, who you know will be there for you then honestly the above scenario will probably not happen. Most people will be so honoured and maybe even flattered that you have been honest about your problem that they will be excited to help you. So when this happens the words aren’t crucial. Be honest. Tell them that you struggle with looking at porn. Maybe tell them the last time you looked. The important thing is to talk.
Then breathe a huge sigh of relief, because you have done it. You have taken one of the most difficult steps in getting over porn.
Now no feelings of shame or guilt can be held over you because you have revealed something of yourself that no one else knows, and yet here you are, still alive and still loved.
Which means the next time will be easier and overtime you will build a relationship where you can be honest about how you are doing, in the full knowledge that you are loved by God and your friend.