Here is a part of a book called “The Dirt on Sex” by Justin Lookadoo. I think that this will speak volumes to many of you that visit here.
A Real Question from a Real E-mail:
“I’ve already messed up and had sex. Does that mean my life is ruined? Help!”
– Rachel B., 16
Absolutely not! Your life is not ruined. You’ll never be able to undo what you did, that’s for sure. It would be like if you went skydiving. Once you did it, you would never be able to undo it. But this is one thing in your life. Just like skydiving will not totally change or trash your life (unless you crash), this one incident will not be your every thought and control your life unless you crashed (pregnancy or disease). If you were fortunate enough to walk away relatively, unharmed, it’s time to keep walking.
Realize that you are probably going to have some issues to get through. You’re going to have to face God. You’re going to have to get the forgiveness vibe flowing. You’re going to have to remember that virginity is more about spiritual emotional than the physical. Run to God.
…Okay, wait. I was about to give you several little feel-good churchy clichés that would sound good but wouldn’t really do anything for you. Instead, let’s get to the dirt of how to get through this.
Break it down. You had sex. Now it has clicked in that you’re messed up. How are you gonna deal?
Pray. This is the part between you and God. Tell Him all about it. Paul the apostle let us know that with temptation, God gives us a way out, and all we have to do is take it. So admit to God where you totally ignored your way out. Take a deep breath, shut your eyes, and tell him exactly what you feel. Or if you connect better by writing, write out your prayer. Tell God you are truly sorry and you need him to forgive you. If you’ve never prayed before or are not sure you’re on good terms with God, go read “God God?” (from “The Dirt on Sex”) and make sure you’re set.
Jesus died for this stuff. You need to understand that. So here’s what you are going to do. You are going to use your imagination. You are going to close your eyes and walk up to the cross. You can see Jesus on it or just the cross, whatever works for you. I want you to walk up to it with a piece of paper in your hand. On that piece of paper is all the stuff you feel awful about. All the things that you did to let yourself down, to let God down, everything. Walk up to the cross and nail that piece of paper to the cross. That’s what Jesus died for. So do it. It won’t take long.
Now leave it there. I say that ‘cause the Enemy is going to try to tell you that you are damaged goods and that’s the way God sees you. When these thoughts come, say out loud, “No! I nailed that to the cross.” And see in your mind the paper nailed to the cross.
Accept forgiveness. Yeah, God has forgiven you, so it’s time for you to accept it. When you refuse to accept it and say, “I just can’t forgive myself,” you are holding yourself to a higher standard than God holds you to, as if he isn’t good enough for you. Don’t get all martyr-dramatic here. It won’t make him forgive you any more, ‘cause he’s already forgiven it all. It’s done.
You may think you deserve to be punished or that you are worthless. And in a sense you probably are, because we all are. Hey, I’m not calling you out, that’s what it says in Romans six:twenty-three, “For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.” None of us deserves to be alive because we are so sinful. But don’t make light of Christ’s death on the cross, as if it wasn’t enough to cover your sins. That’s what he died for. You’re not such a horrible, tragic case that you just can’t be forgiven by God. Don’t act as if He isn’t big enough. He is. Accept it.
Let go of the blame. If you are spreading blame and holding bitterness for what happened, then guess what – it’s time to let it go. First thing you have to do is figure out who you need to forgive. Who is it? The person you had sex with? Your parents? I don’t know, maybe you blame them for letting you do it. God? Jot down all the people you are ticked off at or upset with. Anyone you think you need to stop blaming.
Okay, you are about to pray to get rid of the junk that you’re holding on to. You have to stop blaming everyone on your list immediately, or the pain will turn to bitterness and destroy you. You don’t have to feel tons better; this isn’t about feelings, it’s about choosing to release them from any debt you might think they owe you. So here we go. This is what you are going to pray for everyone you need to forgive. Even yourself.
Heavenly Father, I am sorry that I have held a grudge against (name of person). Right now I choose to forgive (name of person) from my heart for all the things he/she did to me. I let them go free. They do not owe me anything; they are debt free. I release them to your hands. Now release your love through me. I know I can’t do this on my own, so let your forgiveness and love flow through me to him/her. Now, like your Word tells me to, I pray for them to receive your blessings in the name of Jesus. Amen.
Now go back and do that for each person you have been blaming. Get that business cleared up so we can get down to the business of starting over.
Tell it. No, I don’t want you to run off and blab it to your buds. Find someone you trust. An adult who you think has a great relationship with God. Sit down with tem and tell it. Confess it. James, the brother of Jesus who is the Christ, wrote in his letter (5:16) that we should confess our sins to each other and pray for each other so that we may be healed.
Telling God is about forgiveness. Telling others is about being healed. See, Christ doesn’t just want you forgiven, he wants you healed. Complete. So tell it to this person you trust, and let them pray for you. That will get you on the road to total completeness. Your physical virginity is gone, but God wants to restore your emotional and spiritual virginity.
Fill the cup. Your life is a cup. You fill it up with all kinds of stuff. What just happened is, through grace from the Savior, God gave you a do-over. He just emptied all the junk out of your cup, washed it clean, and dried it out. Now your life is going to be whatever you choose to put in your cup.
Some salty suggestions are pray, read the Bible, get hooked up with a church, get Scripture in your head. And the question is How? Well, there are bunches of ways to find out about these things. Books, tapes, a pastor – keep digging and asking about how to do this stuff. All you have to do is search for it. And, like the truth we have all heard, “Seek and ye shall find.”
You had sex. You can’t do anything about that.
It’s up to you whether you do it again.