The world and culture sometimes screams louder than what we hear from the Church and the people around us in our communities. We’ve been convinced that no one saves themselves for marriage and that it is either impractical or impossible, if you really love someone to wait to have sex until you are married.
Trust me, there are still people who are waiting until they are married to have sex, but with their waiting comes a decision. A decision to abstain, — and that decision takes dedication, a dedication that sticks to abstaining even if it means getting singled out, put down, or set apart from the norm: dedication that is willing to say “no” in the heat of the moment. These people who have made this decision to be dedicated to chastity before marriage have also made conscious guidelines and boundaries before situations arise.
The best thing is to have your boundaries set clearly in your mind, so that when a situation arises you already have a pre-thought out plan. And purity isn’t just with your physical body, but it also has to do with your mind and your eyes. For example, make a covenant with your eyes to not look at pornography; or make a covenant with your mind to take each thought captive like it says in 2 Corinthians 10:5 — to not let your mind wander into lust, imagining different sexual scenarios, letting your mind run with lust.
The two most important boundaries that you can make for yourself are…
1. Don’t put yourself in risky situations, or even ones that look bad. Make sure you are not alone with the member of the opposite sex; if you want to hang out, go somewhere public. Don’t close doors, don’t seclude yourselves, and don’t even go into a house when there is nobody there.
2. Who is your company? Don’t date or get really close to someone whom you know would push you to compromise your boundaries and your purity. “Do not be tricked by false words: evil company does damage to good behavior.” (1 Corinthians 15:33) If you choose wisely who you date, or even who you keep company with, then you won’t need to worry about fighting the pressure to give in.
Both boundaries are good, and I encourage you to look at your own life and see if there are any other safe guards that need to be put up. Abstaining from sexual activity before marriage is not impossible, though it is hard work — but in the end all the hard work will pay off.
If you are already in a relationship sit down with your boyfriend/girlfriend and discuss boundaries, and look into getting accountability partners outside of the relationship to help keep you on track. Though if your boyfriend/girlfriend has put the pressure on you to have sex, and is not willing to respect the boundaries you have or want to set you need to re-examine your relationship.
Sex is making a promise with your body that you love someone and that you want to be theirs for the rest of your life. Even though it may not be the most “popular” thing to do, I can assure you that saving yourself for marriage can save you from a lot of heartache. It’s important to remember that you are not alone; I too am taking a stand and waiting for marriage!