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30 DAY PORN FREE CHALLENGE

30 DAYS OF ADVICE TO HELP YOU STAY PORN FREE

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Porn Sunglasses

by Paul R. on February 22nd, 2012 in Students

It’s pretty ironic when you think about it. You feel lonely and isolated so you look at porn to make you feel better. Next thing you know you are turning down invites just so you can stay in and become better acquainted with your computer.

Porn is like that. It will trick you into thinking it can solve your problem but really just wants to make it worse. And it will. Every time.

I have seen this work so well in my own life. I would become so stuck in looking at porn that the shame and hopelessness it made me feel resulted in me not wanting to do anything. How can I go and face my friends when I have just looked at porn? How can I go to church and see people all around me loving Jesus and having their lives all good with God, knowing full well what I just did? How can I help my own accountability partner with his crap when I am swimming in my own? I would wear my “porn made sunglasses” inside so no one could really see the hurt in my eyes.

Porn works wonders for those wanting to become hermits.

But even in those times when you do go out and socialize, there is still that invisible cloud hanging over your head. The one that you can see and feel pour down on you but are able to “hide” from your friends. There have been so many times that I felt awkward in social situations and out of place and then I tried too hard to fit in. Tried to make up for the clear isolation I caused by forcing it. When really, relationships are real and honest when we just be ourselves.

I used to actually get nervous if I saw someone I knew just on the street. I would try and avoid them. Not wanting to have to pretend to be doing OK when I knew that the opposite was true. It was awkward and I hated it. I hated it because I knew this wasn’t the real me.

And so we find ourselves back at the start. Not knowing who we really are and not knowing how to act around people. Does this sound familiar?

But let me encourage you with how it can be. Since I have stopped looking at porn I feel so much more like myself. I can go out with friends and know that I can be myself. I don’t need to be ashamed. I can initiate conversations much better. I am free knowing that they won’t be able to guess my dirty little secret. Not because I am good at hiding it, but because it doesn’t exist. I can let my own humor come out. I don’t pretend to like things that I don’t really like just so I can compensate. I can laugh about things. I can enjoy people. I feel like I have a valued place among my friends. I am more outgoing. I actually look forward to going out. I don’t feel like God hates me. I’m not looking over my shoulder every second worrying he will catch me. I feel more accepted.

And I don’t run across the street when I see someone I know.

So my question for you is this:

How does porn make you feel when you are around your friends? In school, in church? Just hanging out? Do you feel like yourself? Is the “real” you getting its chance to shine? And what one thing can you do to change that?

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  • AlaCarte

    You’re a good writer, authentic and a funny guy, but I feel bad for how you felt about yourself. Here’s what I see…..

    The power of false guilt trip upon one life…. feeling so bad about this non-sin that it was as if he had no real sins in his life, but this “one”, and as long as this “one” was in his life, he couldn’t face his friends, even though they knew nothing about it. ?? his shame cup runneth over. It seems like its okay to have greed, materialism, lying, profanity, cheating on our taxes, prayerlessness, pride, violating music and movie copyrights, or doubt in our lives and feel no shame even when people can see these poor qualities in us; it doesn’t matter as much as having a habit of looking at a nude female. Supposedly, this is because looking at a nude female causes a sinful reaction, yet scripture said that the nude Bathsheba “was very good to look at” (lit.) and we are familiar with the detailed verbal celebration of the nude Shulammite in Song of Solomon. Perhaps the real concern or shame was that someone might know you were masturbating, yet don’t 99% of guys do that and about 70% of girls? This is simple. It’s false shame. It’s false teaching. It’s hypocrisy. It’s the result of delaying sexual relations far past puberty in opposition to God’s commandments to “leave and cleave for this cause”, i.e. sexual desire for a female. The mature human body is made to desire sexual relations; if you stifle it, it will seek out substitutes. No need to be ashamed of that.

    • I<3JC

      You should be ashamed you are in control of your body just because you have the physical ability to do something does not mean you should! The bible tells us that if you lust after a woman it is as if you have already slept with her. Why would you be so ashamed anyway? It’s because it is already hardwired into our Conscience that it is wrong. But that is the great thing about Christs redemption we don’t have to carry that cloud of shame around any more because of his death on the cross if ask it of him he will cleanse us and forgive us of all of our wrong doings!

      • AlaCarte

        “Sin is the transgression of the Law” If God had a problem with masturbation, He would have said so. We are not to add to His words.

        If someone thinks it is a sin, then for them it is. Yet, it is important for us to train our conscience in accordance with the Word of God, and not remain “weak in faith”. (Romans 14) Condemning others for what we think is wrong, is itself wrong. Your opening sentence actually proved my point.

        Jesus never said what you think He said. That is one of the most misinterpreted verses in the Bible. He was talking about lusting for a married woman, which is virtual adultery. He would never suggest that its a sin to look at *any* woman with a sexual desire for her; that would be nonsense. Adultery in Jesus day and according to the Law is sex with a married woman. PERIOD. There was no sin of having sex with an unmarried female, so it wouldn’t be sinful to look at or think about it either.

        No, shame over masturbation is learned, even if its just due to misinterpreting the natural “down” feeling that occurs afterwards, its a learned shame, not from God.

        • Guest

          Actually, you should look into what happens with the levels in your body after you “cum.” You were not made to ejaculate by yourself…just look into it. And the second thing is this: Try masturbating while reading scripture….try masturbating and thinking of God and what he has done for you and his holiness…Whether you eat, or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the Glory of God. Now, if you can masturbate by yourself without a single, not one, impure thought at all and it’s for the Glory of God…then please let me know how you do that and I’ll get right on it!

          • AlaCarte

             I think I know what you’re talking about though I’m not sure you do. I mentioned that there is a “down” feeling oftentimes, which is part physiological and part hormonal, nature’s way of telling you to seek the real thing. Your second sentence implies that you give girls a pass on this. The scripture you’re trying to apply is 1 Cor.10:31 and is about public behavior not private. Read the context from verse 23 – 33. For more info, read all of Romans 14. You are implying that its sinful to have sexual thoughts or to arouse sexual desire. If God has commanded people to “be fruitful and multiply” and to “leave and cleave”, thinking sexual thoughts is thinking about obeying God. Sexual thoughts aren’t impure unless they are in pursuit of sexual sin as delineated by God, not the church.

          • Jorge

            I will pray for you, AlaCarte.

        • Surira

          Ala is correct. Jewish law prohibited adultery strictly, to the point that even considering another man’s wife was forbidden (you may recall that from the Big Ten), but for a man to have sex with an unmarried woman was allowed. Look at the example of Samson – he slept with a prostitute, abd God didn’t even consider it worth mentioning. Jesus was merely restating and intensifying the custom of the time. The verse refers only to listing for married women.

          The definition of adultery then was narrower than it is today. It referred only to sex between a married woman and a man not her husband.

          • I<3JC

            And what translation would this be from background proof? Lol I’m sorry but for all my years listening to people talk about this preach on it and so on you two are the first who have had this view!

          • Surira

            Christians have a very revisionist attitude towards the old testament, projecting their own views into it. Polygamy is a big one, for example. Ask most Christians today and they would abore the idea. ‘One man, one woman!’ They proclaim, before pointing to Adam and Eve. Yet the old testament said nothing of the sort – polygamy was just the way it was then, with many men taking multiple wives and the idea written into their law. The highest classes could have hundreds, as is explicitly stated regarding the kings of Israel. Even in the new testament, nothing is said to change this except a small note limiting just priests to one wife… and even that seems to imply that non-priests are still able to take many wives.

            As Christian society changed, so did the accepted interpretation of the holy texts. Monogamy was something they picked up from Roman society, and retroactively interpreted into the Adam and Eve story and a few other places.

            The picture is more complicated regarding sex, but its the same basic idea. The idea that *men* are bound to stay chaste until marriage isn’t anywhere to be seen in the bible at all. The only women they are forbidden from are the wives of other men. See the example again of Samson and the prostitute. God de-powered him for being tricked into a haircut, but didn’t mind the use of a prostitute in the slightest. Samson went straight from paying for unmarried sex to superpowered fighting with God still on his side. The only reason the prostitute is even mentioned is to explain why Samson was in the city.

          • J_cbake

            Actually polygamy is metioned In the old testement after Solomon God said a man should only have one wife.

          • Surira

            Interesting. Can you provide a verse number, please? I’d like to look that bit up.

          • General_Aladeen

             There is no such verse. Polygamy continued among the Jews until 1000 AD, some until this day. The verses in question are: 1 Kings 11:1-6
             Nehemiah 13:26  but if you dutifully note the contexts, you’ll see that plurality wasn’t the problem.

  • Terianne Hill

    My husband would always make excuses why he did not want to go eat with the family.  He would say he would just make something at home, or we could save money if he did not go with us.  He missed so much of bonding with his son and daughter when they were young because of all these excuses.

  • Surira

    What you describe is the guilt if the hypocrite. Porn isn’t what makes you feel so ashamed you can’t stand to even pass someone in the street. You are. The problem is internal, your own needless overreaction.

    I look at porn. Yet I am still going socializing this weekend, to play games with friends. No shame, no problem.

  • im try not to do but its so hard i been doing since i 12 till now somedays i fight it and somedays i cant i been reading a book it helps i been going to the doc a lot with my dad. But when the doc ask if i was tempions i say no but it was a lie. this is sin is hurting me and my family i was read something and i came to read about the this site so for the site has help me alot i pray to God every day. the bad thing my dad is a pastor in a church in Glenwood AR as pastor son people think that we dont do things like being addicted to porn. Its hard to be honest i dont really like talk about it to anybody and i know they want to help but it is hard to talk i want to but dont know how to. I wish i could help people who do the same thing as me.  

    • Doobie_bro

       A pastor is the ideal person to help an individual in a moral struggle.

      What is “tempions” ?

      Suggest you ask your dad to install a good filter like X3watchpro.

      • he has

      • i mean like i was temp to look at porn

        • Doobie_bro

           So, since you have the filter, learn to do it without porn and images for a time. Your brain’s appetite will change and not demand porn as much as it used to. You’re too young to look at porn…. you shouldn’t need such “aids”. Work on self-improvement in every area and have a nice girlfriend. They canto help a guy stay away from porn, too.

  • Jonyeong

    I quit porn ever since I received the Holy Ghost in 2009 but I still struggle with things like sexual fantasies and masturbation. I have an accountability partner now. Hopefully and eventually I will find my deliverance.

  • I felt much like you when I was addicted. I still went out but I was just dying inside because I felt so ashamed of myself. 

    These feelings are part of the downward spiral that exists with the addiction. As you pointed out, you feel bad so you have a slip and the slip makes you feel worse, which often leads to another slip. The downward spiral of the addiction can be so humiliating. And often left me feeling desperate that I would never overcome the addiction.

    But I found a way out by examining how I feel and the feelings that in the past would bring on the addiction. Now when I have those feelings I have a list in my mind of activities to satisfy those feelings without using the addiction. Eventually my mind flipped the switch and my mind no longer goes to the addiction as a way to solve my problems.

    True and lasting change is possible! The brain was born addiction free and its natural state is to be addiction free. Now I look back and I think that the addiction was not has hard as I thought to break. It does take months for the brain to heal but it does happen. Just keep getting back up!

  • Love_monkey12

    I’m a 12 year old boy and I struggle with masterbathetion.
    I feel guilty after I do it…can someone tell me what to do.
    Please!!!I do it everyday more than once!!! I’m scared!!!

    • Spanky

       You also struggle with spelling, I see. Talk to your dad or older brother; they’ll tell you just get used to it, you’re a guy.

  • Samuel

    Shame is from the devil! Guilt is from God!

  • Surira

    Please stop anthromorphising the porn. It’s creepy.

  • Guest

      dude i am just like i need help to get away from it can you help

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