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“Sophistication Demands…”

by Jameson K on April 2nd, 2013 in Students

“Boys and girls in America have such a sad time together; sophistication demands that they submit to sex immediately without proper preliminary talk. Not courting talk — real straight talk about souls, for life is holy and every moment is precious.” 
― Jack KerouacOn the Road

I’ve always loved this quote, especially since it sounds like it was written by any scene (or perhaps some of you prefer the term “emo”) band from the past 15 years, but no, it’s from Jack Kerouac’s On the Road. Kerouac’s contribution to the culture at large housed, in this single thought, something that has always struck me as inadvertently Christ-centered.

We’ve all heard it; when you have sex with someone, you are connecting to them; your souls are becoming one. The problem is that our culture has made it alright to connect with as many people as you want. As a male, I know that has become our species’ M.O. as well has having become not only acceptable but something we strive for in order to become “more of a man”, I guess? Is that still a thing? However, women see things a little differently.

I was listening to a podcast by one of my favorite speakers and band dudes Tommy Green (grab their podcasts on iTunes by searching Revolution Reality) recently and something that he and his wife touched on was one of those things you’ve probably heard a million times, but for me, it was something that hit me at the right place at the right time. Besides holding back from getting down before you’re married, they really urged restraint in the area of even using the “M” word before you’re ready. Sure, it’s such a romantic idea, especially when you’re still in the honeymoon phase of a new relationship but what we don’t realize is that that topic can also begin the soul-binding process. Whereas a guy might throw it out there in a moment of joy or romance with his girlfriend, a female (in Krissi Green’s opinion) will grab onto that word much more strongly than the male.

Whether you know it or not, you’re stepping into a very serious arena of conversation by even jokingly throwing that word into the mix. Kerouac says “Your life is holy and every moment is precious”. This sentiment is more than a Hallmark greeting card waiting to happen. We waste too much time in unhealthy relationships. We waste too much time with the one we think we’re supposed to be with rather than pursuing what God wants in our lives and praying for a partner in the meantime. We think that a significant other is the cure to all we have going wrong in our lives. This simply is not true.

“Sophistication demands…” Kids think that because they’re 14 or 15 and in the midst of puberty and they’re feeling new feelings and beginning to notice the opposite sex at school way more than usual, that they’re ready for sex, that they’re SUPPOSED to be having sex. This sucks. I know that at that age there was no way I would be able to fathom the idea of souls let alone allowing my soul to merge with another’s. I’m pretty sure I still don’t understand it fully! I hate this idea that the youth ofAmericais a perpetually sad generation. I can go back now at 27 years old and listen to the music I loved as a teenager or even early 20-something and laugh. I can take it for what it is and crack up at myself for ever thinking that these lyrics were so important, that this song or this band knew exactly what I was feeling about this girl or that situation. But truthfully, I have to wonder, did we create the art out of real life angst or did we mimic the real angst after what we heard or saw in the art in some sort of desperate attempt to attach and relate? The chicken or the egg?

There is so much pressure on teens today. It’s crazy to think that I’m only eight years removed from those years and I know that things have changed so drastically in that short time span that I can no longer relate to the struggles that are going on in teenagers today. But for anyone reading this, young or old, I urge you to seek truth, to seek the path that God has for you, and trust that if you follow what He wants for your life, that all else will be given to you. It’s not worth adding heartache to your future relationship with your spouse by messing around now in your teen years. Everything done in the dark will be brought to the light.

 

I’d love to know your thoughts on these topics.  

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  • Carlitos V

    I was addicted to porn since I was about 10 or so and now I’m seventeen.. but I am soo glad to say that it was by his grace and confessing my sin to my parents and God that I am now set free from this addiction.. and the feeling is still taking place!! be around Godly people and they will help you through it and talk to the people on this site and pray with your peers and pastors and youth leaders because this is only the first step of getting closer to God and starting down a new path.. Jeremiah 29:11 says “for I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.. only God can help with the addictions no matter what kind of addictions is keeping you away from God.. just give it to him and surrender your life to him and he will always be there

    • Carlitos V

      healing not feeling lol

  • Scottie

    We need to read Kerouac’s words in his context, not ours. By holy, he meant special, something to treasure, thus every moment is precious– in other words live for the moment, throw caution to the wind. He was nearly as promiscuous as his friends; his only redeeming virtue was that in the midst of the drugs, alcohol, adulteries, promiscuities, he at least wanted to actually like the person he slept with and eventually find a “soul” that he could bond with on the long term. (Sometimes the unrighteous appear to make a godly statement, but it’s unintentional, like Caiaphas in John 11:50 justifying their plan to murder Jesus to keep Rome from military intervention upon them, but John points out the spiritual double meaning of his words.)

    Marriage and sex in marriage isn’t about souls merging. Becoming “one flesh” means to agree to form a family unit for companionship, pooling of talent and resources, and usually for raising heirs to you and your fortune. Sex doesn’t make two people “one flesh”, other than the symbol in the act itself. The souls of a married couple are joined in an agreement and, yes, by love and communion with one another they tend to know one another very well. But, that doesn’t mean their souls are somehow become one soul. If their souls were married, then a widow would not be allowed to remarry, since her soul is still joined in God’s eyes to her departed husband. Strange how the phrase “one flesh” even gets twisted into one soul.

    Agree with the quote and the blogger that folks would be better off avoiding meaningless sex, and with the blogger that guys ought not to manipulate girls, intentionally or not, with talk of “I love you” and “marriage”. Those are old ploys that Kerouac’s friend would use to have his way; we know better.

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