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30 DAY PORN FREE CHALLENGE

30 DAYS OF ADVICE TO HELP YOU STAY PORN FREE

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The Hunt For The Great Porn Scene: Why Porn Will Never Satisfy

by Jameson K on June 6th, 2012 in Students

I stay up late. I mean, late. Every night. I don’t know what it is but I just can’t bring myself to even try to sleep before at least 2 am each night. So while I scour Netflix for something to distract my mind with while I attempt to drift off to sleep, I often enjoy seeing those late night posts from XXXChurch- “Its 2 am, where are your hands?” These are great. Because it’s often in those late night hours that we find ourselves desperate and lonely, searching for anything to numb our minds, help us unwind after a long day and ultimately give in to our addiction. And, as I would hope everyone knows if even in the back of our minds; porn will NEVER satisfy. I should amend this by saying that the hunt for porn will never satisfy.

Everyone has their story of how it all started; the lingerie section in the Sunday morning store ads, the Sears catalogue, their friends’ older siblings, that shady kid at school, most people can pinpoint that exact moment where curiosity overtook them and kick started  what would become a lifelong struggle. Wouldn’t it be interesting to mentally be able to trace each and every step you’ve taken in your sexual “journey” since you first saw pornographic material or thought of something completely innocent in an overtly sexual way? What made you take those first few steps? What drives you now?

Something about pornography addiction that fascinates me is the hunt. I suppose it’s the same with drugs. You have your “gateway” drug, but soon that’s not enough, it becomes old and stale and unsatisfying. Weed becomes coke or meth. An R rated movie with “sexual situations” becomes softcore which becomes hardcore which becomes bondage or rape fantasies or who knows what else! It’s endless! You will keep searching and searching for that perfect scene with that perfect moment where he or she is positioned just right in which you can time it just right to get off at the exact right moment that he or she does. But guess what? You’ll have to move on next time. You’re satisfied for maybe a day, maybe a week, but not for long. It’s a constant hunt, search, struggle and disease.

It never satisfies because it’s not meant to. Porn is made as a temporary equalizer. The more you use it, the more you feel lonely, the more you feel isolated from real relationships, real socializing with the opposite sex that isn’t based around what they might be like in bed or look like naked. Porn allows you to fulfill your fantasies with a faceless person who doesn’t even know you’re there. It’s seemingly harmless and hurts no one. Then you start to notice that you need it, you have to have it, maybe you prefer it even over the presence of real sex, depending on your situation. This can’t be good, right?

I’ve known people who have struggled so hard with pornography addiction, then had to move on to real people until that need is realized as also unsatisfying and they’ve returned to porn. They prefer it! How crazy is this!? Having seen and experienced this type of behavior first hand, all I can hope for and lean on is that the promise God has made to us will be ten million times better than anything you can find on paper or on the internet. All we can hope is that the chase for the perfect pornographic scene to please ourselves will be forever demolished by the love of a wife or husband, with who you will have perfect unity and intimacy, uninhibited by the presence of false idols and unsatisfying lies.

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  • Dave

    We will reap what we sow…and that goes for within the marriage as well. And we need to sow well for what God intended: a lifelong commitment to one man/woman to one woman/man in order to further His kingdom in rich satisfying companionship. 
    I think you totally hit the spot as to the “triggers” that can cause a Christian to fall into this addiction. For many–from what I have seen–the biggest slip is at night, especially after a stressful day. When we’re beaten we will turn to our refuge.But it truly is God that knows what is best for us! When we put out trust, our treasure, our refuge in Him it is there we will find the LIFELONG fulfillment we are searching for.

    After reading your blog it reminded me of what a pretty successful youth pastor stated, Andy Stanley in his national bestseller “The Seven Checkpoints”. “It isn’t really sex you are looking for. It is love and acceptance that you thirst for.” 

    I find this to be a very true and biblical statement. It’s funny, we “hunt” for gratification that we think will bring us satisfaction….but leaves us more empty than we were before. 

    Something that Paul acknowledges in his letter to the Roman colony of Philippi, during some severe persecution and trials, is the power of setting your mind on Godly things. In Philippians 4:8 (NIV) he writes “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.” When we repent to God on our sexual immorality we must replace the “hunt” for the never ending hunt for Godliness. Never being satisfied. 

    Finally, brothers, never forget the most important commandment: love the Lord with all your heart, soul in mind. “You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh, rather, serve one another humbly in love. For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one commandment: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself’ If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.” (Gal 6:13-15)

  • Suribirdy

    Viewers of porn do indeed seek novelty. Fortunately, the internet provides. There are some adult art and fiction sites I frequent. Simply enter the tag you seek and get porn to suit your mood.

  • Biblio_phil


     Having seen and experienced this type of behavior first hand, all I can hope for and lean on is that the promise God has made to us will be ten million times better than anything you can find on paper or on the internet. All we can hope is that the chase for the perfect pornographic scene to please ourselves will be forever demolished by the love of a wife or husband, with who you will have perfect unity and intimacy, uninhibited by the presence of false idols and unsatisfying lies.”

    I’m sorry to say, you are almost certainly doomed to be disappointed. You have been drinking the evangelical, romanticized gospel of sex rather than reading the Bible and learning about sex and marriage in the real world. I don’t know ANYWHERE that God has promised us that marital love will be 10 Meg X or even 10X better than porn and masturbation. The two are actually unrelated as I see it. 

    GUYS:

    If you have a porn addiction– a craving to watch porn, low resistance to that temptation so that you eventually cave and keep doing it– you have to get rid of that weakness BEFORE you get married. Marriage doesn’t cure the attraction to porn. Porn is an addictive substance and you are shooting up your brain with massive hits of dopamine;  that isn’t the case with marital sex. Marital sex is more about enjoying one another and is wonderful and you can find it satisfying, but you’ve got to get off the porn/dope to enjoy real life. You might find the  6 part teaching at yourbrainonpornDOTcom helpful.

    • jameson k.

      I certainly agree and should have clarified that statement further. I do not believe that a spouse or simply getting married automatically cures you of your hunt. I know it does not. Sure, the hope is that you would kick the habit before you get married and some guys do, for a time. I just hope I’m so in love with the woman I marry that I won’t want to disappoint her in this way, I hope that I want to be the best hustband and partner possible. I do not believe that marriage cures the addiction.

      • Biblio_Phil

        Your heart and humility are an inspiration. I trust God will meet you in this sincere desire.

    • Truth

      Love within the confines of marriage will definitely be better than porn or masturbation because we are honoring God with our actions that way. We are living out the life Christ has commanded us to live.

      • Biblio_Phil

        Certainly, a true sexual relationship is far better than any fantasy. There is no real satisfaction to be had in pornography; even physically, hormonally, real sex is much more (study says 4X more) satisfying than masturbation and 7 out of 10 men on average, given the choice, will choose sex over masturbation. My point is that guys make a grave mistake thinking that sex will cure them of their interest in porn or their masturbation habit. I believe the latter is just a normal part of life regardless of whether you are single or married, and the porn interest must be dealt with honestly before and during the marriage. Attempting to hide it, deny it or hope it will go away once married is likely to end in failure and possible marital disaster. Porn has an addictive attraction to male brain so they have to learn how to break the addiction.

        Here are a couple excerpts from a survey done on a masturbation info website: 

        The average guy in the survey masturbated an average of 7.1 times per week when he discovered masturbation. Their average current weekly frequency is 7.2 times. For those with partners, 7 times, and for those without, 7.47 times. Strangely enough, guys who currently have sex with a partner three or more times a week masturbate 8.24 times a week. This seems to corroborate the often-heard remark that people who have the most sex also masturbate the most.

        Going in, I thought the most intriguing question on the survey would be which is more fun, intercourse or masturbating. The results are curious for a number of reasons. Overall, 69.7 percent of guys say intercourse is more fun….

        But, obviously, given the survey results, they enjoy both for different reasons. 

        Here is another interesting website in which most married men admit to similar behaviors, but some of them talk about why they choose to not masturbate because it displeases their wives: http://www.iamhusband.com/2008/11/how-often-do-married-men-masturbate.html  My suggestion: definitely talk about it, don’t hide the fact and have agreements in place before and during the marriage. It can be a deal breaker for some.

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