Through Broken Glasses: Feeling Out of Control With Porn

 

Pornography whether its images or written words that stir the imagination, it’s all a distortion. That’s not what Sex is, it’s not even what love is! Anything that is sexual sin is not “true” love.

With the combination of a child’s natural curiosity and abuse as the spark that started the fire to what would have been my destruction, I began to get into pornography.

In my young mind though I was trying to grasp all of this, After all the feelings had been stirred from sexual abuse, I was left trying to find answers to all these questions and more. My dad at that time had calendars each year of provocative women in bathing suits. I knew somehow they were linked I just couldn’t figure it out. I first “Googled” out of curiosity, trying to sort through everything that I had already picked up. Let me tell you! I was FREAKED out! Some of those first images are engraved in my mind even till today.
I didn’t even know what sex was! All I knew was it was a foreign word that I learned from 7^th Heaven, and on that episode it was a big deal. And not too long after I learned that if I said “sex” the babysitters would squirm and get uncomfortable… which magically, sex became my favorite word to say!

 As all of this slowly unfolded my parents did not really fill me in too much, more than anything they put boundaries on what’s appropriate and what’s not.
Though I had seen those life altering images, I didn’t really want to see them again, but I didn’t really lose the taste for suggestive, pornographic, or “just on the edge” material. From late night infomercials, to online chat rooms, my interest began to grow. Each thing was a step further for “true” satisfaction and each step further became “not as big as the last” and “still not quite enough”. From reading material that I found in my own home that was meant for married couples, to heated stories online it just kept growing.

All was a distorted view of sex as if I was looking at a mural through broken glasses; the picture can’t be seen for what it really is because though you can see the mural through the glasses you’re not really seeing how it truly looks.

Through the broken glasses all you see is shame and hurt where sex is all about you (selfish) which just leads to more brokenness and emptiness.

True satisfaction, contentment, and wholeness are found only in Christ alone.