Thanks, you're signed up!

Thanks for registering for the 30 Day Challenge!

We will be sending you an email shortly.

Please make sure you do these two things so you get your emails:

1. Add [email protected] to your address book
2. Mark your email from us as NOT SPAM

PS. If you don't get your email in the next few hours check your spam folder.
Find out how you can make sure our emails get to your inbox here. ×



user avatar

What Do I Do When I Want To Masturbate (Happy Time)

by Jameson K on November 1st, 2012 in Students


Telling some of us to refrain from masturbating is like telling some of ourselves to stop breathing. Sure maybe for a couple of minutes you can survive but then you need to breath. It’s like an impulse that you can’t see a way out of and there is no other option but to have some happy time with yourself. If you’ve in any way found yourself looking at porn a lot you will know that over time you get used to the feeling of acting out constantly. The release you feel when you masturbate though is only short lived. It will be enough to maybe do you two or three days at the most but then the feelings return. The “build up” needs to be released and you know only one way how.

So how do you stop yourself?

Can you stop yourself?

First things first, if you haven’t got yourself someone who you can go to with a text or a call when you are tempted, stop reading and find them. Find that person who you know will have your back and pray for you or encourage you. Who will know when you are tempted most and will love you enough to listen to you in those moments…

Right, glad to have you back. Congratulations you have just completed the most important part in resisting the urge to masturbate.

But now you need to follow up and be honest with your new accountability partner. There will always be the temptation to not ask for help when you need to; to look like you have it all together.

But it’s ok to not have it all together and it’s ok to ask for help. They are there to help you and to show you a better decision can be made in those moments.

It’s also great to have scripture implanted onto your heart and in your mind. If Jesus needed to do this then of course we do too. It can remind you of who you are in Him and it can encourage you with reminders of your purpose and standing with Jesus. You are loved and you don’t need to make yourself feel good to know it.

Distract yourself with whatever you need to do. Go out for a walk and pray, do something that will actually be a good use of your time like grab a coffee with a mate. Go for a run, go to the cinema. Do anything and everything that will distract you and help you flee the scene. Think about where your hands have been that day and where they are about to go.

But maybe the question should not just be how do I stop in this moment, but how do I live in the awareness that I am loved unconditionally every moment of every day. Awake or asleep.

Because there is no better way to stop masturbating long term, to stop looking at porn than to be aware of whom you are in Jesus.

When lust takes over it’s more than just about sex. It’s about our deep hurts and pains that tell us we don’t deserve to be happy or we don’t deserve to be loved. It’s about taking the time to surround ourselves with communities that will support us, to take part in activities that give us deep joy. It’s remembering we are created for more than simply getting through life and resisting the urge to pull your pants down in front of a computer screen.

When we get to this place, not masturbating isn’t really the issue anymore. We start to begin to see that masturbation is just the outpouring of a life that is dissatisfied. We don’t feel loved so we look to the comfort that masturbation brings.

And then, we start to be aware of who we really are..

That we are created for a great life.

That we are special.

That we are loved.

Not because we haven’t looked at porn or masturbated in so long, but because there is Grace and Peace readily available to us regardless. Maybe we just need to look up from your computer screen to see it. But when we do there is a life ready for us to join.

Sometimes freedom is a gift you just need to choose to take.

But the best way to stop masturbating is to use both in unison. The short term measures end up helping you in the long term. And looking at the bigger picture and seeing who you are in Christ will gradually help you in those moments of weakness.

So get accountable. Text and call your buddy when you are tempted. Don’t go to those places and times where you are most vulnerable. Be honest. Make sure you surround yourself with people who tell you the truth and make you feel loved. Take part in life.

Then and only then will you be able to be in a place of freedom from masturbation.

Which is actually…much better than happy time.





  • Your article was well written, but your ’cause’ is hideously wrongheaded in teaching that masturbation is anything other than beneficial and healthful. Dozens of Christian pastors, doctors, psychologists, theologians, thinkers agree that it is okay, not sinful. (See my link) Common sense alone tells you that. The Bible says nothing about it though it does forbid some rather undesirable sexual acts. Wake up and stop hurting the body of Christ. Don’t add to the word of God or put burdens on the backs of others who can’t bear them. You are telling people to stop being sexual and become asexual, which is a twisted thing to do to people. Masturbation doesn’t need a cure; it is there for a purpose. Early sexual relations is the cure for what ails must young porn-addicted men today, who for whatever reason, refuse to “leave and cleave”, but are staying home playing computer games, etc.

    • Please don’t do this. You’re making Christianity into what you want it to be–not willing to give up the things of your old life when that’s exactly what we must do(Colossians 3:1-5). Masturbation is evil. It simply is. It’s one of the most selfish things you can do and I can testify to the rift it creates in one’s relationship with God, to the slow degradation of your very care for others; you begin to think the world is all about you. I mean it only makes sense that you would: you’re sitting in a chair expecting beautiful women to entertain you however you want. And Jesus clearly says that thinking about having sex with a woman is the same spiritually(Matthew 5:28)…sort of a necessary component of masturbation. I agree that sex itself(when done between a man and a woman who have given themselves to each other til death)is not evil and that terrible things happen when we think it–or any gift from God–is evil. Nor should we ever hate the men(or women) masturbating. But the act–masturbation, that is–itself is a sin and we(myself most certainly included) must do all that we can to avoid, to stop its destructive power.

      • I gave dozens of references by reputable Christian authorities, plus I have the testimony of scripture supporting my view that God isn’t concerned about this common harmless behavior. You have a lot of false guilt and false teachings that are guiding you. May God help you be enlightened on this topic before you waste a lifetime like I did being upset over being a normal human being. You are trying to speak for God, but you cannot because He hasn’t spoken on this commonplace, entirely predictable habit of nearly all males and most females. It begins in childhood with no thought of sexuality. It’s part of married sexual intercourse. Logically therefore the act in itself is not sinful.

        The contentions of it being selfish or exhibiting lust (evil desire) are false. It is only selfish if by masturbating you deprive someone else such as a spouse who wanted to have sex. It can only create a rift in one’s relationship (fellowship) with God when you believe it is wrong; that is, you are what Paul called “weak in your faith” (Romans 14). We are exhorted to live according to our conscience, yet also to be “fully persuaded in our own minds”; Paul continually taught believers to mature in the knowledge of God and encouraged them to leave behind the traditions of men.

        The scripture you quoted is far more simple and logical than the common (mis)interpretation. Jesus was teaching his disciples that it’s not enough to simply abstain from adultery, but they were to not even think about committing it. When he warned against looking at a woman with sexual desire, He meant a married woman, since He was talking about adultery, sex with a married woman (OT definition). He absolutely was not suggesting that its wrong to either look at a single female with a desire to have sex with her or at one’s wife or fiancee with sexual desire. Masturbation doesn’t require sexual fantasies, but if they are employed they certainly don’t have to be sinful sexual fantasies such as adultery. This scripture has been grossly misinterpreted for many years.

        Good luck on giving up masturbation. Fewer than 1% of men do that. It serves a biological need in males. Don’t abuse it or your body.

        • novaman75

          You really should do a little more study before making statements like this. When Jesus spoke in Matt 5:28 – he was not just speaking to his disciples, as you say, but was giving the Sermon on the Mount to a large crowd of people.

          Next the word for “woman” does not just mean wife. It is used 101 times in the Gospels alone and can refer to any kind of woman … whether she is married or not. The definition according the the New Testament Greek Lexicon is …

          1. a woman of any age, whether a virgin, or married, or a widow

          2. a wife, of a betrothed woman

          You open the door for people to think it is ok for them to look lustfully at others … and send them down a path that can lead to serious sexual addictions.

          • I have studied this topic in depth for many years and my beliefs have been confirmed repeatedly.

            It doesn’t matter what group Jesus was teaching. What matters is this: What did it mean to Him and his audience when He talked about adultery? Bible dictionaries and the OT texts state that adultery consisted of “sex with a married or betrothed woman”. Thus, when Jesus warned that “lusting” for a woman is tentative adultery, He was talking about a married woman– since a desire for sex with a single female could never become adultery.

            The Greek word translated “woman” was the only word they had to express the meaning of “wife”. Whether it is translated wife or woman is determined by the context. The context of adultery proves that the word should have been translated “a man’s wife”. There is an Early Church father who confirms this. Suggesting that it is sinful for a man to look at a single woman to desire sex with her (appropriate, normal lust) is nonsense. Modern readers get confused because the word “lust”, which in the Bible simply means “desire, whether for good or evil” has become a loaded word with sinful, sexual connotations. People engaged in masturbation rarely fantasize about or have any intention of taking someone else’s wife. They simply are arousing sexual excitement by sexual thoughts. They desire sex, not sinful sex. There is no sin in that behavior.

            I’m not saying its okay to be a lech or to leer at women, but if you don’t desire to have sex with a woman which would include to look “lustfully” at her, not just as another person, but as a potential sex partner, you won’t likely get married.

    • sonofisachaar

      It’s not adding to the Word. Masturbating is not sinful if, and only if, you can do it without lusting. I know the Bible says plenty about that. Prov. 11:6, 2 Pet. 2:10. This ministry is not hurting the body of Christ, but masturbation and porn addiction is destroying it.

      • It most certainly is adding to the Word, since it is stunningly silent on this common sexual experience. Paul taught that the purpose of OT laws was to keep us from harming others, so he said that “love your neighbor” is the fulfillment of God’s law. Since masturbation is harmless that’s an obvious reason for it not to be prohibited by law of God. The reason “lust” is wrong isn’t because of the desire for sexual fulfillment. Lust is prohibited because it means the desire for ILLICIT sexual fulfillment such as adultery, incest or bestiality. Desire for orgasm by masturbation isn’t lust because masturbation isn’t forbidden and harms no one. Ideally, we don’t get stuck on stupid with lusting for a fantasy. Prov.11:6 in some translations is suggestive, but the reference to lust is to the transgressors, thus this is by definition the desire to do wrong. The verse is irrelevant. 2 Peter 2:10 refers to lusts of uncleanness, desire for the defiling sexual sins listed as unclean in Leviticus 18. Verse supports my position. God doesn’t want us to be porn addicts or body/senses dominated.

    • somedudefromnj

      the bible actually does say somewhere in the old tesstament that wasting semen or something along the lines of putting semen on the floor should be punished by death…

      • That is a reference to the sin of Onan who practiced PEW so as to pretend to obey the law of levirate marriage, yet keep the 2/3 portion of the inheritance he would have as long as Tamar didn’t get pregnant with a male heir. That would leave Onan with 1/4 inheritance. God killed him for his selfish behavior and disobedience. If a man spilled his seed, there was no sin involved: Lev.15:16; there was a ceremonial uncleanness similar to menstruation or sexual intercourse.

    • disgrunteled

      Would you like my documentation? I am a theology major so here you go.

      Matthew 5:27-29, address lust in the mind as sin, therefor someone who would masturbate without sin, would have to do so without imagining a woman, or pornography.

      Even the old testament states that we should not lust in heart after low women in Proverbs 6:24-26

      Even the Greek word translated fornication/adultery is a blanket term for all sexual sin, which the early church unanimously concluded masturbation was part of.

      For these reasons the church has histrionically taken a stance against masturbation. and finaly contrary to popular perception the old testament law does address the issue of masturbation.
      In Leviticus 15:16-17, the mans seed is refered to as “unclean”, and if he copulates upon himself, he is considered unclean, and him and his clothes must be washed. Considering this law was written in a desert, where people seldom washed at all, let alone wasted precious water on clothing.

      While I appreciate you trying to free us from our ignorance, please consider that even if there is a possibility you are wrong, you are standing in the seat of a false prophet, and spreader of sedition against the established beliefs of the church.

      You sir do not have the authority, education, scripture, or statistics to back your claims… To stand against the establishment of every church organization in history, or that of Jewish tradition, or that of the scripture, or that of the law.

      Your claim of “dozens” of preachers does not even begin to stack against 2000 years of preachers who contradict you, men with more anointing then you could imagine.

      If you want the research that shows the negative effect of any sexual activity of an unmarried person I suggest you look else where then Google…

      • Good to hear from a beginning theology student. I was on the wrong track like you and many teachers and commentators whom you may have heard or read. I don’t think I have to tell you that Jesus reserved his harshest criticisms for the Pharisees who were adding human traditions to the Law and promoting their teaching as binding upon their disciples. I’m glad that you realize that my intention is to keep young people from falling into the same trap of false teaching and false guilt over lust and masturbation that has discouraged and sidetracked Christian youth for many many years. I wouldn’t promote these things if I wasn’t certain about them, for in order for me to act in good conscience, I must first be certain of the morality of my actions before I act. If I do something thinking it may be wrong, that in itself would be a sin. (Romans 14:14)

        I’ve already commented on the notorious Matthew 5:28. No doubt the reference to cutting off the hands or plucking out the eye contributed to the false interpretations of this verse. The topic is adultery, which consisted only of having sex with a married woman. Jesus was warning his disciples against even actively desiring sex with a married woman, let alone committing it. Single women were lawful sexual prospects whether a man was married or not, so it would not be sinful to look at a single woman and desire her sexually as long as the sex rules of Leviticus 18 were kept regarding polygamy and incest for example.

        Our laws of forced monogamy (derived from Roman law, not God’s law) as well as forcing “sex in marriage only” upon all males and unmarried females, contrary to the Bible, has produced a LOT of confusion.

        The warnings in Proverbs against the “strange woman” and desiring her are warnings against adulteresses as the contexts will often reveal and many translations have rendered it. There are a couple warnings against prostitutes in general, but the bulk of the passages are about married women gone astray.

        The word for “adultery” is not the same as the word translated “fornication”. Adultery meant sex with a married or betrothed woman. The word translated “forniication” is the activity of prostitutes and Young’s Literal Translation consistently translates it as “whoredom” for that reason. Yet, as we read the NT, it is easy to see that it has a broader more general meaning which includes other sexual sins, such as adultery, incest, male homosexuality. An even closer look will reveal that it wasn’t all types of prostitution that was regarded as fornication. The Catholic church under the influence of Augustine and in reaction to false popular cults of the day began to regard all sex as evil, and sex in marriage as a necessary evil. This kind of thinking led to the concept that celibacy was a superior more spiritual manner of Christian life, so they started having celibate “priests” and monasteries and nunneries. Since masturbation wasn’t prohibited in the Bible, but they had concluded that sexual urges were sinful, naturally masturbation was stamped as sinful and the toll of human suffering over the centuries has been part of the sad legacy of humans presuming upon God’s thoughts… adding to His words.

        Leviticus 15:16-17 might refer to masturbation, but more likely is about nocturnal emission. There is no indication of a sin; the uncleanness was ceremonial only, just as with menstruation (v.19) and sexual intercourse (v.18). If you want to be a theology student, read the context and be honest rather than trying to make it say what it doesn’t. Even IF Leviticus 15:16 was about masturbation, it says nothing against female masturbation, so it isn’t a likely reference to the topic.

        Unclean sexual practices that DID defile the people and WERE considered sinful are listed in Leviticus 18 and 20. These sexual taboos were all termed “fornication” in the New testament, but the primary usage of “fornication” in the NT is in reference to cult/temple prostitution (1 Cor.10:8 for example)

        Sin is the “transgression of the law” or a principle of the law. (1 John 3:4; Rom 13:10; 14:5) Don’t add to his Word (Prov.30:6; Rev.22:18)

  • thebird

    How about some advice that is actually effective? All you really need is a good distraction. something to take your mind off sex.Computer games are pergect for this. They keep both mind and hands occupied. A few rounds of TF2 will work.

    • You mean you don’t want me to call you at 1 AM so you can “talk me down” from taking things into my own hand? People actually think that God doesn’t want them to imagine sexual scenarios, yet the Bible has plenty of graphic scenes which we are expected to read and meditate upon?! This sex is evil theology apparently got started as a reaction to the gnostic and stoic threats among religious people and gave us such abominations as “celibate” priests and nunneries.

      • Dodger

        I do not believe your intent is malicious, but your result is a damaging one. As one who struggled for years and years with masturbation, I can say without hesitation it affected the way I saw the world and destroyed my relationship with people around me and God. Going around, as you are, saying otherwise is monstrously wrong. In its correct context sex is a great thing, a gift from God. Outside its intended purpose is a no-go.

        • Chapter and verse, please, that clearly states that sex must only be enjoyed by one man married to one woman.

          BTW, thebird is a friend of mine and knows that I was being rowdy. I “struggled” with it for years too, until I realized that God doesn’t care a whit about it unless I either cheat my wife of her due affection, harm my body, or entertain perverse sexual intentions. The act itself is neutral morally and beneficial biologically. The only way it harms your relationship to God is by your own doing, not His reaction to masturbation. A porn addiction is another matter.

          I hardly use this ID anymore.

          • Chrys Jones

            How could u do this to your own brothers in Christ??? If God convicts them, then they are convicted. Leave them ALONE.

          • Romans 14, 1 Cor.8-10 teach us to respect the weaker conscience, yet Paul, who taught that, continually endeavored to enlighten and educate the consciences of those whose scruples were from man not from God. So, yes, they may feel conviction, just like Peter on the rooftop was convicted as a Jew to not eat unclean meat, but it is beneficial for us to have faith based upon facts, not false or worn out teaching and leave false guilt behind us. I suffered many losses due this common false teaching. The Church as a whole is suffering due to it as well. I’m convinced that it underlies the cause of porn addiction, which is our common enemy. This is a public forum, where the public chimes in. X3church has their stated positions in the posts, Q&A articles and Resource materials.

          • flo167

            Believing that it’s wrong to lust after a married woman and that its alright to lust after a virgin, is far from the truth the Bible teaches.
            Both fornication(sexual intercourse between unmarried people) and adultery are condemned by the Word of God. It is ridiculous and illogical to believe that lusting towards single women is sinless but lusting towards married women is sin. Both are lusts and can lead either to adultery or fornication and all three:lust,fornication,adultery are condemned as sin by the Bible.Lust is sin whether or not it leads to fornication or adultery.Therefore there shouldn’t be any confusion,it is as clear as noon’s day sun.

            Job made a covenant with his eyes(Job 31:1-6) that he won’t look lustfully, gaze upon a VIRGIN and that shows his integrity of who he was. God says of him in the beginning of the book:
            Job 1:8
            “Have you considered my servant Job,that there is none like him on the earth,a blameless and upright man who fears God and turns away from evil”

            You said: “Dozens of Christian pastors, doctors, psychologists, theologians, thinkers agree that it is okay, not sinful.”

            I will tell you that there is no greater authority than the Word of God. You know why that is? Its because at the judgment day God won’t judge me based on what the pastors,doctors,psychologists,theologians,thinkers thought, said or agreed upon but He will judge me based on His Word. Jesus is The Word of God incarnated.If we reject His words, we reject God Himself. So which authority will you listen to? People who twist the Bible to fit their lifestyle?

            John 12:48
            “The one who rejects me and does not receive my words has a judge; the word that I have spoken will judge him on the last day. For I have not spoken on my own authority, but the Father who sent me has himself given me a commandment—what to say and what to speak.”

            Matthew 15:19
            For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies … (KJV)

            Galatians 5:19
            Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness … (KJV)

            Colossians 3:5
            Therefore put to death your members which are on the earth: fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. (NKJV)

            1 Thessalonians 4:3–4
            For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication: That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour… (KJV)

            Only someone blinded by their own addiction cannot see the light the Scripture gives.
            Romans 1:18
            “But God shows his anger from heaven against all sinful, wicked people who suppress the truth by their wickedness.”

            I will call you out, by your wickedness you suppress truth, and that’s exactly what you are doing on this site and I advise you to stop suppressing truth,come to the light, be delivered and live a life of victory over sin.
            Not being a slave to sin is such a beautiful thing. We have a choice to make, are we going to continue being slaves to sin or ask for deliverance and reign in righteousness through Christ. May God help us to live righteously!!!
            One of my favorite verses is :
            Psalm 119:50:
            “This is my comfort in my affliction,
            that your promise(Word) gives me life.”
            May we find our satisfaction, comfort in Christ and His Word and live by His Spirit,not fulfilling the desires of the flesh.

          • Jack_Anjilloffe

            It would be wise on your part to not make any assumptions about me or the Christian physicians, ministers and psychologists whom I have cited, but whose writings you haven’t taken the time to examine. Masturbation is considered to be a “matter indifferent” in Christianity, that is, its a matter of opinion, so that’s why I offered those references.

            I fully respect the Word of God. Since the Bible says that “sin is the transgression of the Law” and the Law does not condemn masturbation in any way, no one can say that it is sin. I’m sure I’m repeating myself now, but given how commonplace the activity is, and given the detailed, undesirable sexual sins that the Bible warns against, for it to not mention this is a tacit approval. Given that the purpose of the law was “to do no wrong to one’s neighbor” (Rom.13:10) and that masturbation harms no one, that is further evidence that it is a neutral activity.

            Given that children learn it without sexual imaginations and that married folks employ it in their lovemaking, this is further evidence that it is in itself harmless. I could give you many links detailing the arguments but posts containing links tend to get deleted here.

            You are incorrect in thinking that fornication means “sex between unmarried people”. That may be what it means today, but it didn’t mean that when the Bible was first translated into English. Look it up in Strong’s, or Young’s Literal Translation. It is the word “porneia” which is the activity of “porné”, harlots. Thus, porneia should be translated harlotry or whoredom, which is what the YLT has done. The Old Testament set the laws of sexual boundaries, and sex before marriage was not forbidden. Jewish scholars acknowledge this. There are numerous common sense reasons for this. But, it’s a little off topic for now.

            You have a wrong definition of “lust”. The Bible word such as was used in Matt.5:28 simply means “to desire”. It has no sexual or immoral connotations at all. The context is what determines whether the desire is moral or immoral. (Look up epithumeo, epithumia in Vine’s dictionary) You have stated that “lust”, sexual desire will lead to an immoral sexual act. That is an obvious false statement. Sexual desire or “lusting” for a virgin could just as well lead to you courting her and marrying her.

            THe context of Job 31 shows that he is talking about some type of adultery. It wasn’t a sin for a man in the Old Testament to add a wife or concubine, so it wouldn’t be a sin for Job to look at a virgin, unless she was betrothed. Adam Clarke’s commentary suggests that the Hebrew word translated virgin actually refers to an idol.

            Your quotation of Matthew 15, Galatians 5 and Colossians 3 assume that you know what is meant by the various sexual sins listed. Suffice to say that masturbation is not listed there. 1 Thess.4:4 is an instruction to take a wife in a righteous way and treat her with honor. See Jamieson, Fausset and Brown as well as various translations. Masturbation is a normal part of human sexual experience, not a “lust of the flesh”.

          • flo167

            Masturbation is not neutral,it is immoral.

            Without lust there will be no need to masturbate. You must deal with the issue of lust and there won’t be the need to release it through masturbation, fornication or adultery.

            Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned? Proverbs 6:27

            Masturbation is not a human need as water and food is,it is a “lust of the flesh”, it is the flesh acting out as a result of lust.

            “But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.” James 1:14,15

            Sex in the context of marriage is a gift that both give to each other, they are servants of one another. And even in the context of marriage sex can be wrongly used when one of the partners uses it selfishly neglecting the needs of the other.Sex is a gift that both partners give to each other and shouldn’t be selfish.

            Masturbation is not a gift from God as sex within marriage is, through masturbation you satisfy your needs through selfish means, to benefit yourself.

            There is no such thing selfless masturbation.
            How doesn’t masturbation harm your neighbor if you use the images of your neighbor’s body to satisfy your needs.
            You only think of yourself while doing it, your benefit,satisfaction, regardless of others. You love yourself so much that you would use anything to satisfy your need, including others. Lust will not happen unless there is someone you direct your desires towards, so indirectly with or without consent you are using their body for your benefit.
            . That is the definition of selfishness.

            No wonder Paul says in 2 Timothy 1:1-4 that In the last days people will become lovers of themselves.(pun intended,Masturbation=sex with yourself haha,…) ….covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, without natural affection, truce breakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, traitors heady, high minded lovers of pleasure more than lovers of God having a form of godliness but denying but denying the power thereof:From such turn away.

            Masturbation is a passion of the flesh which wages war against the soul, and Apostle Peter instructs to abstain from it.I consider that lusting whether towards a single or married woman is a immoral sexual act as Jesus said it, whether acted upon or not,it is an adultery or fornication of the heart.

            You still didn’t answer me, Regarding Mat 7:28, you said in earlier posts :

            “When he warned against looking at a woman with sexual desire, He meant a married woman, since He was talking about adultery, sex with a married woman (OT definition). He absolutely was not suggesting that its wrong to either look at a single female with a desire to have sex with her or at one’s wife or fiancee with sexual desire.”

            Since all over New Testament, including the verses cited, both fornication and adultery are wrong and are condemned by Jesus and Apostles why do you insist that lusting after virgins is alright while lusting after married woman is wrong? Its Illogical.They are both wrong. You don’t make any sense.

            We are told to submit to God and resist the devil not the other way around.
            1Pet 2:11
            Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul.

          • If you believe masturbation is immoral, don’t do it. But don’t claim that the Bible says its a sin and that others who do practice it are sinning. You have drawn your own conclusions that inform your beliefs and seem to be ignoring much of what I have already written. Copy my replies and do some research on what I have stated. See the list I linked to on my profile. In all likelihood, besides the false teachings that you have heard, you are projecting your guilt feelings that accompany masturbation onto the Biblical text, then scrounging for verses to validate your feelings and beliefs. You don’t realize that there are natural causes for a down feeling after masturbation.

            Your concept of lust is misguided and wrong. Males have a physical need for sexual release; that’s why nearly all males masturbate. Females don’t have a physical need, but orgasm has hormonal and psychological benefits for females as well as males, so most of them learn to masturbate too, just not as often. You need to realize that the word “flesh” in Paul’s writings doesn’t refer to the human body or to sexual desire. Likewise the word lust, as I wrote to you before, is not a sexual term unless the context gives it that meaning. You seem to be assuming that all sexual feelings or desires or thoughts that are indulged outside of a marriage relationship are “lust”. This is error. The word “epithumeo” was translated usually as either desire or lust by the KJV. When they thought it had a negative or sinful connotation, they rendered it “lust”, but the word was still the same, “desire”. What makes a desire a “wrong desire” or “lust” is when it is a desire to do or have something forbidden. Lusting for a married woman is always sinful; that’s what Jesus taught in Matt.5:28.

            You acknowledge that sex inside of marriage is not inherently without sin. It can be conducted in a sinful manner. So marital sex is not inherently “selfless”. This is quite true. In fact, marital sex, good marital sex is both selfish and non-selfish. We desire to have sex with our mate to meet our need for sexual release, but we also have sex with our mate to meet their sexual needs. Wives who have sex out of a sense of duty or because they think they’re doing their husband a favor, rather than actively seeking their own sexual pleasure are actually harming their marital relationship by their lack of “selfishness”.

            Your definition of selfishness is incorrect. Selfish acts are those that pursue self-interests in DISREGARD to others. Serving self-interest though is part and parcel of your daily life. You suggested that “using images of your neighbor’s body to satisfy your needs” harms your neighbor. That makes ZERO sense, first of all. Second of all, there is not need to fantasize or look at images in order to masturbate; that’s just a habit mostly of young males. Third of all, many women “get off” on being desired by men, so they get photographed for that very reason. No harm is being done to anyone by this.

            RE:Matt.5:28 It was legitimate to look upon an unmarried woman (whether she was virgin or not, is irrelevant) with the desire to have sex with her because IF you acted on that desire, consensual sex with an unmarried woman was NEVER sinful, unless she was a blood relative. See Leviticus 18 for God’s rules on sex. Sex with a married woman was adultery, so looking on a married woman with the desire to have sex with her was “committing adultery with her already in your heart”.

            I’m sure I already told you that your definition of fornication (grk:porneia) is wrong. You are taking modern usage of the word “fornication” and imposing it upon the biblical text. Strong’s dictionary on “porneia” is “harlotry” and YLT renders it “whoredom”. The original meaning of “fornicate” meant to visit prostitutes so it was accurate in 1611. The word has changed meaning over time to include premarital sex, but that’s not the Bible’s fault. Unfortunately, many bible dictionaries, so called scholars, perpetuate these false ideas, but its not the first time that they let me down.

          • florin v.

            What is extremely obvious and clear is that The Word of God says that the only sex God approves of is between the husband and the wife,anything outside of this context should to be considered as sin. We decide based on what we know, not on what we don’t. Because we were intended to satisfy our sexual wants/desires within the context of marriage with a spouse, we can easily come to the conclusion that anything sexual/sensual outside of that(including masturbation) is something we were not intended for, therefore wrong/sinful/against God’s plan.That’s the logic.

            1 Cor 7:2 says “But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.”

          • Jack

            Extremely obvious and clear…? We’ll examine that statement.

          • I replied to your comment that is still awaiting moderation. So I don’t lose that reply, I’ll post it here:

            In reply to a lengthy post by Florin Varan, Nov.27, 11:09 PM EST. “awaiting moderation approval”. That post may appear as a link “Show comment” or such at bottom of thread. This reply may end up in no man’s land too, but here goes:

            It’s been enjoyable conversing with you FV. I can tell that you have a sense of humor and are devout as well. Your last three posts have presented the argument that since sexual activity is supposedly prohibited outside of marriage, therefore masturbation is prohibited. I disagree of course and will try to show you why. I have to say again that you are ignoring many of my points and until we judge each point fairly, head to head, a satisfactory conclusion can’t be reached.

            1) Arguing whether viewing porn harms your neighbor, was a little off topic and can be a topic for another day. When I talked about women who like being photographed, I wasn’t necessarily referring to porn. Second, I stated that images and fantasies weren’t necessary anyway. The original point wasn’t about images, but about private masturbation being something that doesn’t harm your neighbor. You avoided the point by suggesting that using images harms one’s neighbor, implying that use of images is inherent to the act, and of course it isn’t. But, even if your assumption were true, there is still no harm done to one’s neighbor, assuming there was no violation of privacy. Talk of “defiling your body” “destroying your soul” has to be proven by scripture, not opinion and again, is off topic, since neither images, nor porn images are inherently involved. Females, for example, often just depend upon their own good feelings and a fantasy imagination. You claimed earlier that it is necessary to have an object of lust for the lust of masturbation to take place. That is a false assumption. But, even if it were true, it still needs to be demonstrated that it is wrong to have an imaginary sexual act with an imaginary partner, and we can’t demonstrate that as being wrong. A fair analysis would be that such behavior is rehearsing in desire for the real thing.

            2) Jesus said that He had not come to destroy the Law. The OT was the only Bible, the standard for moral, sexual conduct to the Early Church. The canon of the NT would not be agreed upon until around 350 AD as I recall. The apostles and elders were nearly all Jews, as was the core of the early Church. They regarded the OT as “God breathed, profitable for doctrine, reproof and correction”. Another reason I discuss the Law was because when Jesus spoke to His disciples they were under the Law and discussing matters of the Law. He did raise the bar and deal with heart issues more than just outward. However, He didn’t change the Law; He showed them what was already there. The Law said “do not commit adultery (sex with another man’s wife)”. Jesus didn’t really say a whole lot new when He said it’s wrong to even look at a (married) woman with an eye of adultery for her; He was simply expanding upon the 10th commandment to not “covet thy neighbor’s wife” or other property. It isn’t wrong to covet to have property or goods, go out and work for it, and have your own. It IS wrong to want to have your neighbor’s property. Likewise, it isn’t wrong to covet to have a female partner, it’s wrong to covet your neighbor’s partner. Jesus realized that when a man sets his eye on a woman, His desire is aroused, so He warned against looking at a forbidden sexual partner, because fulfilling that desire would be sin. It was the sin of David with Bathsheba. David didn’t sin when he looked at her bathing and wanted to have sex with her. He sinned when he didn’t back off once he realized that she was married. If she was single, and willing, he could have her lawfully, even though he was married. She could become either wife number 8 or concubine number 10+. Sex in Biblical world was an accepted means of beginning a marriage relationship when the parties were in agreement. We have to interpret the words spoken in the culture of those speaking and hearing the words. Suggesting that it’s wrong to look at an unmarried woman and desire to have sex with her would eliminate most marriages from ever occurring other than forced marriages.

            3) Your third point assumes that fornication means or includes sex before marriage. It also assumes that “lusting” for an unmarried female would result in “fornication”. These are false assumptions. Having a sexual desire for an unmarried female would more likely result in marriage if there was interest on her part. The point is that fulfilling a desire to have consensual sex with an unmarried female wouldn’t be by definition sinful, whereas looking at and desiring a married female is committing adultery with her already in your heart, because if acted upon, it is ALWAYS adultery, sinful. (There was no word for “wife” in Greek or Hebrew, so they simply used the word “woman” and let the context govern the meaning.)

            4) To “have one’s own wife or husband” actually meant to “have sex with your own wife”. The phrase “sexual immorality” is NIV’s attempt to translate “porneia”. Read 1 Corinth.10:8 to learn what Paul meant when he said “porneia”: Hint: Temple of Aphrodite. Your argument assumes that solo masturbation is able to satisfy/substitute for human desire for sex, and it doesn’t. It is simply a learning tool and stopgap measure. Sexual relations are considered the normal life for most humans post puberty in the Bible. (Age of marriage was young teens.) Jesus said though that if God gave you the ability, you can be a eunuch for the kingdom, a person without a sex drive, asexual. Paul taught the same thing, that it is a gift to live in celibacy.

            5) Hebrews 13:4 is a good verse, but a better translation will render it “let marriage be held in honor in every way” and “the bed not be defiled”. The latter was an idiom for adultery, i.e. sex with a man’s wife. “Holding marriage in honor” doesn’t say anything about the lifestyle of the unmarried. The word translated “sexually immoral” is pornos, literally, male prostitute or pimp, or as the KJV, “whoremonger”. Such a man would be dishonoring his marriage.

            6) Most of this I’ve talked about and agree that we shouldn’t content ourselves with something that doesn’t satisfy our true desires. I agree that we ought not to let it govern our lives. I believe that it has a purpose and ought not be condemned or thought of as shameful.

            7) I’m convinced that the God who warned us against nasty things like sex during menstruation, sex with animals, anal sex and sex with your mother-in-law would certainly have mentioned this simple act that nearly everyone learns in childhood. It does have harmful effects when combined with porn, which of course is one of the purposes of porn. Masturbation to orgasm using porn is like shooting up cocaine and heroin into your brain, it’s the needle for taking the porn drug if you are an addict of it. Porn actually co-opts a good thing, amplifies it and turns it into a perverse addictive behavior. I agree that we want to help people avoid this at all costs and help them get free of it as well.

            8) I’ve already covered that verse. The Church belief that all sexual expression outside of the husband/wife relationship is sin, is indeed at the core of this discussion. That belief is unbiblical. It’s tradition that has become treated as law. God gave His list of sexual prohibitions (what the early church also categorized sometimes by the word “fornication”) in Leviticus 18. Scholars of the Torah will tell you that there was no sin of premarital sex in the book. One reason was that sex was a legitimate way to begin a marriage (cleave and become one flesh). The only person in the Bible who was required to be a virgin on the day (nissuin) she went to live with her husband was a Jewish girl who had been purchased as a virgin already. During her betrothal (kiddushin) she was already considered the lawful wife of her future husband. Adultery carried a death penalty and a girl found to not be a virgin at her nissuin, wedding, could be put to death on those grounds. A girl who had sex but wasn’t betrothed suffered no such punishment. The church mistakenly took the rules for a betrothed virgin and applied it to everyone. There are traditions, good traditions, in which we expect virginity before marriage. The ancient reasons for this was to insure that the husband only had to provide for his own offspring.

            9) As I may have said already, I want everyone to abide by their conscience, but to also have a teachable spirit. As we gain new insight, our doubts are diminished, our faith is strengthened and our conscience is developed. If we believe something is wrong, God holds us to it, even if it actually is okay. Likewise, the “law of sin and death” in our minds and bodies operates on the same principle. You can’t be tempted to “eat unclean meats” if you don’t believe there are any. To him who thinks something is unclean, to him it is unclean.(Rom14:14)

            See ya ’round.

  • jake b

    thanks that helped @ jameson k

  • clbmohawk

    This article is a true blessing coming from a newly admitted addict. I’ve been looking for someone with answers and I’m glad I found them! Thank you so much for being such a blessing, and not condoning a life of lust and sin!

  • Jed

    after reading this article, i know now that what masturbation really is….a virus. It destroys you inside and it hurts others around you. Im not saying “it can’t hurt anybody who doesnt know.” FALSE! You WILL start looking at women wrongly if you continue to masturbate. Masturbation has been in life for sometime now and i am realizing now that the way i looked at a woman is not the same as 5 years ago. True i have grown up, but i cant blame this sick habit on hormones, this is a mental battle that i desperately want to win. One key step for us as men is we NEED the honest truth sometimes, if not always. real men look to get better, real men want to get better so much, they are looking for ways to get better. Look at Abraham, he was such a great leader that God said “i will bless you with many great nations” and look at how many people occupy the world right now! Guaranteed, everyone is a descendant of Abraham some way or another. We as men should follow Abraham’s role as a father and mentor. Follow Gods instructions to the fullest with no question. Our heavenly Father cares for us, He WILL NOT lead us astray, no matter how much you think He will. Back to the topic at hand, Masturbation. So what if the statistics or scientists say masturbation is “healthy” it is not! Let me ask you this, all arrogance and pride aside; who knows more about man, God, who has been around longer than the universe and knows more about humans than anyone or some scientist who went to some rich school? If you picked the latter, you are a fool. Swallow your pride and admit whats in your heart, never mind what others think.

    I am taking a x3Pure course right now and it really opens my eyes at how wrong and disgusting our sexual habit is. Weather it be masturbation, porn, or whatever; your sexual habit is not what God made, its what the world has made. Dont listen to the media or statistics, listen to what the word says about unclean things and an unclean heart. You will be sadly mistaken if you think masturbation or any sexual habit is alright, because it is not.

  • novaman75

    I have been working with men who struggle with sexual brokenness for 7 years and am in my 8th year of recovery. I appreciate the article and the importance of having an accountability partner – although I recommend you have 2. And the value of Scripture memory to helping a young man keep his way pure (Ps 119:9-11) I would add one other thing that I think is the most important and has been crucial to helping me stop masturbation in my own life since December of 2005.

    The Spirit of God is the only reference in the Bible to what helps us to not follow the desires of the flesh. Jesus said He would be our Counselor or Comforter and it is His work in us to transform us into more godly men. It is His fruit of self-control that we need. He works over time and changes us to be more like Christ.

    The other factor every man has to deal with is the chemical addiction that develops in our brains when we choose to use masturbation to solve our issues. The drugs released in the brain during the sex act are almost identical to those released if you were to snort cocaine. They are highly addictive. That is where the cravings come from. They will continue until you go through a period of withdrawal. That could take anywhere from 2-6 months. However, after that period the brain readjusts and the cravings decrease.

    If you would like to know more you can contact me at [email protected] and I will email to you a Recovery Guide that will be helpful to you.

    And by the way the comments about masturbation being something good and biblical is totally false. More on that later.

    • We await your documented medical and biblical evidence for making a claim which the Bible does not make. Simple logic is sufficient to disprove your claim.

      • someguy

        You are a fool. Regardless of what you believe about masturbation- whether it’s wrong or whether it’s not wrong, the Bible talks about not causing your brother to stumble in ! Cor. 8:13. You’re on here spewing your venomous opinions telling everyone that masturbation is not wrong. Did God give you that direct revelation? I think not sir. People are triumphing over sin and you are discouraging them. You should be ashamed of yourself. You know full well that if a person can “masturbate without lusting” he is LYING! It’s impossible! Besides, even if you can masturbate without lusting, in the end what is the point of masturbating? Anyway, I can see that there is no reasoning with you. Stop causing others to stumble!

        • You want to reason with me by calling me a “fool” and my professionally, clergically held beliefs as “venomous”. I absolutely do not wish to cause anyone to stumble. I believe that you should not masturbate if you think it’s sinful. For girls, that is not so difficult of a prospect; for guys, its nearly impossible because of the need to relieve sexual congestion of the seminal vesicles. Once you have thought this through a bit more, you too may realize that if God considered it sinful, He would have been certain to warn against it.

          I never, after 30 years of trying by means of prayer, intensive Bible study, memorization, deliverance, marriage, filters, accountability, gained freedom from “every man’s battle” until I finally realized that God approves of masturbation in its proper place and use, and He doesn’t have a problem with men having interest in women other than their wives. Centuries of false and hysterical teaching, including medical quackery, takes some doing to unload from one’s mind.

      • Bill Medley

        Jack, you seem to spend a lot of time debating that masturbation is ok. Your blog is only focused on this topic? Your Bio says you are a Bible student for 35 years and your interest is Bible debate. Do you actually know Jesus, or just the Bible? Satan knew what God told Adam and Eve, and he used those words to entice them to sin. Do you love Jesus? What is your purpose of posting here?

        • I use that blog to provide resources and documentation of what I write. I suppose I should put more on it. Naturally, the blog sites and profiles that I use here are separate from my real life as a Sunday School teacher and worship team member. I’ve been a born again Christian since 1976, when Jesus made Himself real to me. I fell in love with the Bible and have devoted myself to a thorough knowledge of its teaching. Most of my theological work hasn’t been posted online.

          You might want to read the entirety of the homepage of my blog, since it gives clues as to my personal Christian beliefs and journey, as well as answer your concern regarding the possibility that I could be a stumbling block to others. I had traditional evangelical views on this topic until about 4 years ago. My purpose of posting here is to help people whether single or married, male or female, Christian or not, understand how to properly deal with these problems and enjoy their life rather than to hate themselves or their spouses.

          Regarding your somewhat offensive suggestion that I am doing Satan’s work, it’s the other way around. Those who teach things that aren’t in the Bible and thus promote condemnation of those who fail to abide by their rules are the ones doing Satan’s work.

  • novaman75

    Paul writes in Ephesians 5:3 “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.”

    He also lists in Galatians 5:19 “The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery …”

    God is not saying … “Don’t … because I want to keep you from pleasure. He is saying Don’t … because these things will hurt you. God calls all people – married or single to live a life of sexual purity. For those married – intimacy with their spouse. For those single – abstinence by the power of the Spirit.

    • The NIV exaggerates the meaning of Eph.5:3; I suggest the NAS or KJV for biblical study. The words referencing sexual sin in this verse don’t include masturbation unless you have proof otherwise. Paul’s perspective on what was designated as sexual sin came from OT Jewish law. The OT delineates what is and isn’t sexual sin. Dittos on the verse you quote from Galatians. You can’t assume the answer in your proof text. You can’t assume that masturbation is sexual immorality or is sexual impurity unless the Bible says it is. This is the fallacy of “begging the question”.

      I agree that God warns against sexual immorality for our benefit; I disagree that He expects a person whom He hasn’t called and endowed to be celibate to live without sexual expression.

  • Jameson K.

    This blog was written by Paul R. Excuse my mistake. Please direct comments to Paul R.

  • Jberryman

    Jewish thinkers had determined long before our culture that it was God’s desire that we only be married to one woman, first of all. There are several passages to point at this as well, but if I have to convince someone that monogamy is God’s intention for humanity, I think I’ll have a hard time. I think Jack is missing something here in the equation, although I appreciate his comments (while disagreeing). Matthew 5:28 does seem to be speaking to a culture of mostly married people, and Jesus doesn’t seemed to be too concerned about talking to singles here. Its likely that most of Jesus’ listeners were married, so the word for adultery here may or may not apply to those who are single. (The apostles were all teenagers, and we know most of them were already married). The eye gouging and arm cutting is definitely a reference to Maccabaeus and exaggerated resistance (in this case to sin). The whole point of this passage, though, is not just within a legalistic interpretation. The point of it is that men should never look at women as sexual objects, because they are not. They are created in the image of God, and thus are to be regarded as such. Human beings are not some kind of sex machine, and sex is not some mechanical act. When we make it that way, we convert women (and men) into some sort of idol that brings satisfaction, and thereby degrade them or trample them in the process. This is exactly what pornography does, and it also forces women (or men) to degrade themselves and think of themselves as sexual objects, instead of as beings in the image of their creator. When you picture a woman or man as a sexual object that brings satisfaction, that is an idol you are creating. Now, maybe you can make the argument that masturbation without picturing a man or woman is not sinful, but you cannot possibly argue that looking at a man or woman and fulfilling your sexual fantasies with them in your head is not a sin. Maybe I am not an expert like Jack seems to be in this issue, but the passage that seems to me to be the strongest argument against looking at women/men as sexual forms of pleasure is Genesis 1 through 3. I think this is more in line with the gist of Jesus’ teaching about marriage, lust, and divorce. Radical? Hard? Absolutely. Just like everything else Jesus teaches.

    I don’t think anyone here is saying that a single man or woman cannot be attracted to another single Christian sexually. But this happens when you fall in love, which is more than just a physical thing, but emotional, intellectual etc. There is simply more to life than sex, and more to people than what they might or might not look like.

    • Jack_Anjilloffe

      Your first statement is blatantly untrue. Jews never restricted the practice of polygamy except among certain sects of Jews living in Europe around 1000 AD and even then it was due to pressure from society, not a new interpretation of the Bible. Polygyny is still permitted by God. As far as I can tell, monogamy came from Rome and was adopted by the church.

      I don’t see any teaching in Matthew 5:28 about objectifying females. I see it simply as a warning to not actively desire or imagine a sexual act that you know would be a sin. Since it was a sin to have sex with a married woman (adultery), it would be sinful to look at a married woman with that intention or desire.

      You said: “but you cannot possibly argue that looking at a man or woman and fulfilling your sexual fantasies with them in your head is not a sin” . The burden of proof is on you not me. You went on about porn and idolatry but those are your opinions not actual definitions. I’m not suggesting that you be a peeping tom or fantasize about your female friends. But, thinking about sex or nudity can’t be sinful unless sex and nudity are sinful. It is wrong to fantasize about sexual sin, but not wrong to fantasize about having sex. Of course, it isn’t necessary to fantasize at all, but people tend to do that. If a woman exhibits herself for sexual entertainment, no wrong has been done to her by her clientele.

  • florin v.

    To sum it all up I can say that if we try to satisfy a sexual desire through(adultery,pornography,fornication….) outside of the relation we are to have with a spouse through marriage, that is always a wrong/forbidden desire(lust). Sexual desires are means of expressing mutual love within marriage. Bye

  • franklinb23

    “We as men should follow Abraham’s role as a father and mentor.”

    Abraham had three wives (Sarah, Hagar and Keturah). Sarah was his half-sister.

    Just sayin …

Thanks, you're signed up!

Please make sure you do these two things so you get your emails:

1. Add [email protected] to your address book
2. Mark your 1st email from us as NOT SPAM

PS. If you don't get your 1st email in the next 5 minutes check your spam folder.
Find out how you can make sure our emails get to your inbox here. ×

Thanks, you're signed up!

Thanks for registering for the 30 Day Challenge!

We will be sending you an email shortly.

Please make sure you do these two things so you get your emails:

1. Add [email protected] to your address book
2. Mark your email from us as NOT SPAM

PS. If you don't get your email in the next few hours check your spam folder.
Find out how you can make sure our emails get to your inbox here. ×
You really want to exit? ×


PO Box 50048 Pasadena, CA 91115
[email protected]

Latest Blog Posts