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5 Reasons Women Are More Into Porn Than Ever

by Shellie R. Warren on September 7th, 2014 in The Haps

Women Are More Into PornBack in the (what I call) “Little House on the Prairie” days, it was a goal for men to get married. Not only did it mark the sign of manhood, but also the time when they could actually “get some.” However, thanks to women having, let’s say a different set of standards when it comes to sex and also “thanks” to porn, marriage isn’t that much of a priority anymore.

And you know what? Also due to the changes in society, a lot of women have higher-paying jobs than men. They have their own homes and being a housewife isn’t as celebrated as it used to be (kind of like how being a teacher isn’t treated with the esteem that it deserves either). So, they too don’t feel like marriage is as much of a need as it once was.

Now, in God’s kingdom, no matter what is going on in our culture, marriage is still extremely important (see Genesis 2:18-25, Malachi 2:15-16, Matthew 19:1-12). But this isn’t a post about marriage: I’m just bringing all of this up as a way to lay the foundation of why women are seemingly now more into porn more than ever.

According to an article that was featured in Huffington Post last November women are more into porn due to the fact that they feel it’s a “work around” cheating, it reduces stress, and they enjoy making their own porn (geez!), but after talking to countless women through X3church and dealing with a lot of sexually broken married couples, I have my own theories.

No one has to know they’re watching it. Look, I’m only 40 and I remember when you had to go to the seedy stores to get video tapes to watch. I also remember putting on what I thought were some pretty cool disguises in order to do it. Why? Well, obviously it wasn’t something that I was very proud of. And really, that’s a good point (about porn) in itself. Matthew 5:14 calls us to be “the light of the world”. Anything you feel bad about doing or you’ve got to sneak to do, you probably shouldn’t do.

Anyway, thanks-but-no-thanks to the internet, women can watch porn from their computers or even their smartphones with no one ever knowing. Except God. And people who hack into their IP address. And their husband or kids if they forget to delete their history. But you get what I’m saying. It’s easier to access so…more women are doing just that.

They claim it teaches them things. If I could shout it on the rooftops, I would. The Church, overall, has done an absolutely horrific job when it comes to dealing with sexuality (Tweet This!). So many people don’t understand the purpose of sex (which is oneness more than procreation, by the way) and people don’t feel like they have safe places to go to discuss sexual issues or concerns. And so, a lot of couples are in their bedrooms totally confused on good days and extremely miserable on bad ones.

Therefore, they look to porn as a way to teach them about how to give and receive sexual pleasure. I liken it to being a kid and going to your friends about sex rather than your parents. The information may be incorrect, but at least you’re getting some and it’s a lot more entertaining than “If you have sex before marriage, you’ll go to hell so just don’t do it.” Porn is a horrible instructor. But it’s also not a silent one. Yes y’all, we have a lot of work to do.

Masturbation is less and less taboo. Some women on Huffington Post Live were recently talked about being sexually pure until marriage. This included no masturbating. As a former masturbator, I get the allure (I really do). However, the fact that it’s encouraged in a lot of churches is…baffling to me. But again, when the purpose of sex is not addressed, a lot of things are able to creep in (Tweet This!).

Lust is not something that we’re supposed to do (I John 2:16). Sex with ourselves isn’t either (why do you need to “become one” with yourself?). Masturbation is the combination of both of those things. But as more wives are admitting to faking orgasms and more single women are getting married later and later, masturbation is a way to “meet a need”—um, lust. And porn? It’s what helps to get the engines going. The more that we make masturbation “okay”, the more acceptable porn is going to become. (Something to think about, for sure.)

Standards for relationships are dropping. Yeah, go into a room of 50 women and ask them how many are in relationships with men who watch porn? I’m willing to bet good money that if they’re telling the truth, you’re gonna see about half of the hands go up. I have told the story before that my first time watching non-Cinemax porn was with a sex partner who took me to one of his friend’s homes and it was on.

If the man that you love (or have really great sex with) is watching it, it tends to affect you in one of three ways: You’re disgusted, you’re intrigued, or you’re wondering what the women on the flick can do for him that you can’t. If it’s the latter two, that’s pretty much sending you on the path to watching porn yourself either out of curiosity or jealousy. Neither of those is a good foundation for real intimacy. Look, you deserve better. If you’re married to a porn-watcher, insist on him getting some help (Tweet This!). If you’re dating someone who does it, do the same. If he refuses, break up. Trust me, the wife with the porn-watcher will tell you that it’s a smart thing to do.

A lot of pop culture is porn. With music videos like “Anaconda” and television shows like Dating Naked around for our perusing “pleasure”, a lot of us don’t even have to download porn. It’s all over pop culture. And so, since we’re used to seeing a lot of what used to be only reserved for HBO’s Real Sex, we don’t even catch that a lot of what’s on television is pornographic. Oh, but spend a week without television and go back to it. You’ll be amazed by how many times “Oh, wow” comes out of your mouth.

Ladies, we are beautiful creatures and our sexuality is a big part of our identity. But porn is not the way to celebrate that. It’s actually a direct attack on it. Give that some thought the next time you’re tempted (I Corinthians 10:13) to watch porn. Indeed, we have the reputation for watching more porn than ever.

But honestly, pun intended and not intended, it’s tainting our image.

 

X3pureLadies, if you or your spouse struggles with porn there is help. Check out our X3pure 30-day workshop today. We have online courses for men and women designed to help you move from porn addiction to lasting freedom.

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  • Thorn in my flesh

    Loved this raw post. So many good points Shellie. As a woman who has been set free from a long past with porn, and as the wife of a husband who has TRULY been set free from the enslaving grasp of pornography, I thank you for being so honest and challenging women. For the women with husbands who are into porn, just know that there is hope but your husband has to be willing to seek the Lord in it and has to admit its a struggle.

  • Mathias Bjorkman

    I find so many, both men and women has bought into the lies of the world that porn and masturbation is ok and its all about making yourself feel good no matter what. If a church says porn and masturbation is ok, find yourself another church, the pastor or priest is more than likely addicted to porn himself. You know, it does hurt to hear and know that women and men rather porn that physical intimacy. It hurts me to see my spouse masturbate. Because I would rather be the person doing it for her. Now she don’t watch porn but our sex life is still pretty much dead. (2 months since we had sex last time) and over the course of 11 months probably a handful of times (no pun intended). Porn has affected my life in a big way for my own self. I started looking at porn mags at age 11 or 12. And its a sick industry. It has a way to entice you to come back, to crave it like it was drugs. Porn is the devils perversion of sex that God gave us for the husband and wife to come together. Its twisted and sick. And its so damaging to the family and to yourself. Sorry, i can’t describe how hard it is to stop watching it. I have tried many times to quit but it always calls back and lures you in. I am over 2 months porn and masturbation free. And I hope its the last i see of any of these two.

    • ColoradoMilitiaMan

      Mr. Bjorkman –
      Different strokes for different folks, I am afraid perhaps you and your wife are sexually incompatible. I would definitely not blame porn, or masturbation, for problems caused by thoughts against sex which were put into your head by religion.

      Do you have any awareness how many men would
      CLAMOUR for a wife comfortable enough to pleasure herself in front of her husband??? I am anguished to think, a woman of such free sexuality wound up with a man who think’s it’s “dirty”. To me, you are apparently damaged beyond redemption, when it comes to being in touch with your own sexuality: you say you want sex, yet you decry your wife for being sexual on her own – how sad to hear someone so close to satisfaction, but unable to feel free enough to attain it. And you’re worried about the effect porn mags had on you back when you were a teen? Porn relieves sexual tension, it does not cause it – unless you live under some sick patriarchal “Church” with a zero-tolerance for something naturally wholesome like sex. Yes, if you’re unable to relieve yourself, porn could cause elevated frustration; but that doesn’t sound like your problem – sounds like you buy all the bossy “Church” crap (or parental/familial, perhaps?)that sex is dirty outside of child-making. You’re letting authoritarian dogma interfere with your ability to enjoy yourself; even with a willing and capable wife – you’re too timid to enjoy yourself, how sad, what a waste – another score for fundamentalist religion.

      A healthy man would enjoy watching, and he’d also ask her what else she could think of for him to do… I’ll bet that approach would net you a LOT more than a handful – so quit griping and get happy! IT IS PERFECTLY GOOD CLEAN FUN, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.

      Get Happy!!!

      • Mathias Bjorkman

        I don’t see sex and masturbation as dirty, on the contrary. You are misunderstanding what I am saying and I don’t mind watching her. But I would rather do it for her. On the other hand if I would masturbate I would rather do it in private.

        As for porn. I don’t agree with you. Ever heard of PIED? That’s Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction.
        That’s your brain connect masturbation with porn and porn fantasies instead of thoughts about your spouse.

        So don’t come to me and say that porn is clean innocent fun and its ok to watch it. Cause IMHO its not. The people performing in porn are actors, sometimes forced, beaten and raped. Anytime someone manages to leave the industry they are better off.

        Your sexual focus should be to your spouse and not to an image on a screen. As for capable. My wife is disabled with back problems, nerve damage and diabetes. I am faithful to her. That is why porn had to go and it can’t be an option. I would rather be an proponent of the eradication of porn than every go back to watching it.

        And thank you for all your insults. That made my Tuesday. I will pray for you.

        • ColoradoMilitiaMan

          ” I would rather be an proponent of the eradication of porn…” – So much for 1st Amendment, Francis loves you!
          I am praying for both of you, and wish you the best of luck.

      • Sean Davis

        ColoradoMilitiaMan….. After reading your comment I believe it is very apparent that you have ZERO Love for OTHERS in your heart!! Everything you have described is focused on only one person… Yourself! I completely disagree with you saying that Porn is OK and that it helps us and brings relief to people and marriages. I am a 21yr Porn addict and I will say this, Porn has Distroyed my life. I look at women with Pornagraphic eyes ( They have to be perfect like the women in the Porn Videos ) , Monogamy is impossible for me … (because of porn, which teaches you to only look at a women for 15 seconds and move on to another , Monogamy is not found in porn) , and there is NO LOVE found in Pornography. I don’t know if you know Christ or not, but if you don’t I hope you learn and find him. Jesus is author and perfecter of Love and that is what he has commanded us to do…. Love others. But it appears those who are in favor of Porn , seems to forget that fact and just like to love themselves. I am sure after you read this you have some great comeback of how porn is enriching and gratifying and just this amazing thing….. but I have been on the other side , and I will say it’s not and if you are blind to see that I will pray that God takes the scales off your eyes like he did Pauls to show you how damaging and just how Lost we really are when we go down that path of pornagraphy! Thank you very much

        • ColoradoMilitiaMan

          Howdy Sean, sorry to hear of your sex addiction problem. Dunno how you extrapolate all that lousy ad-hominem attack baloney, so I went back and read my post; I must concurr, you are one sick puppy alright, there was nothing mean nor sinister in my post whatsoever. You wanna believe whatever the sick Holy See dictates, or whatever other organised patriarchal house of “worship” to feel the need to swear allegiance to, that’s your prerogative. All that garbage you spew about my horrible personality could not be much more ignorant, errant, nor mordantly applied; if that’s your idea of what Jeebus would do, you can have it all to yourself! Porn ain’t your problem, Liberty is. Organised religion usually takes care of wayward Sheeple, but some individual cases are beyond its hobbled disability to connect with True spirituality.

        • Misty Lutz

          Amen!!!

        • ColoradoMilitiaMan

          Okay – show anywhere in my post I was focused on myself? PORN destroyed your life??? Ever heard of SELF-RESPONSIBILITY??? Like it’s PORN’S fault you allowed yourself to become addicted/warped!?! Same dishonest “logic” holds guns as evil, and Hussein-Obama as “Christian”. Sorry to hear you have no rein on your prurient animalistic desires – you wanna blame PORN for that, you are one buck-passing wimp in denial. I do not advocate porn to anyone, that does not mean I have not enjoyed it sometimes myself, nor have I ever allowed it to encroach on my mores or lifestyle, as you have. Might as well outlaw marijuana, because some folks can’t handle it, or alcohol, or dancing, or speech; organised religion and Liberty are not often compatible, I’m glad we don’t live under your brand of sectarian tyranny!

      • Misty Lutz

        Get thee behind him SATAN!!!!!! I rebuke you in Jesus Christ Name!!!!

        • ColoradoMilitiaMan

          Sorry to inform you, zealous condemning babe, Misty: God empowers me more than you can comprehend. Not all of us were born to be lockstepping Sheeple in some earthbound shepherded flock. Some of us can live without being dictated to or needing any more guidance or authority than The Golden Rule. Go ahead, heap-on some more devil-talk about my character, about which you know NOTHING; sanctimonious blasphemy and vicious admonishing attacks are about what I expect from angry “religious” broads, upset by Truth. Your HISSING like a snake is itself devilish, and amusingly juvenile. Lots of love on display there!

  • Loo

    Please don’t forget all the READING of porn women are doing. It may seem a nitpicky difference – reading vs. watching – but it seems like some women who wouldn’t watch porn think it’s somehow better or at least not as bad to read it. Take the “Fifty Shades of Gray” phenomenon, for example. And many don’t even RECOGNIZE that material like that is porn!

  • Bruce Pagano

    Great article. Really throws an honest light on an often disregarded topic. There’s so much written on the the issues with men and porn, it’s good to see this addressed. As a guy, I could never (and probably should never) address it the way you did here. I’ve walked down all those roads and they’re all filled with hurt, for everyone involved. Thanks for putting yourself out there. Again, bravo.

  • ColoradoMilitiaMan

    Thank You for the good article, Shellie! While I heartily commend the desire to be faithful and reverent, I do not countenance any “Church” making such intimate decisions for my partner and I, as far as what type of sex we “should” or “should not” have! Just as all folks are different, so do folks have varying degrees of sexuality and needs thereof, for any “Church” to cover well whatsoever. If your reason for belonging to a “Church”, is to moor yourself to a monolith of predecided dogma and avoid Liberty and Free Thought – that’s okay for the flocking type, but mankind thankfully is composed of many creatures of superior intellect with capabilities far exceeding the comfort of those Sheeplish masses which crave the heavy yoke of authoritarianism, and grant their God a vicious nature against all they find outside their comfort zone. Worship to your heart’s content, but leave my Liberty alone, and try not to judge harshly by a puritanical viewpoint.

    I admit, this generation’s sexual bounds are quite blurred and largely absent – we could use some moderation badly (or at least Miley could…); but this I attribute to the designed breakdown of the family, as well as the corporate media assault which pushes disgusting gratuitous sex at every outlet – NOW THERE IS YOUR CULPRIT, not “accessible porn”!

    • Matt

      You are obviously not addicted to porn or on denial. You have also never seen the hurt on your wife’s face when she found out you were looking at porn instead of sleeping next to her. You are right about thewdon and th breakdown of family, but for me personally I destroyed my household because of porn addiction that escalated and then I tried to force my wife to be my “porn star” and broke her down because she never felt good enough to compete with the porn world. Now I am suffering as she is already sleeping with someone else before our divorce is final because she feels justified. Bottom line. Porns easy access ability helped lead to the destruction of my family.

      • ColoradoMilitiaMan

        Bottom line is, your family was sunk before you exchanged vows. Getting married without having sex first is about as logical as taking off in an airplane without checking a weather report; don’t blame porn for your sexual over-drive or incompatibility with your wife. Granted, if you needed a video whore to feel satiated, I guess that’s not every wife’s dream fantasy. Just don’t blame porn for your own monstrous appetite – as if it’s the porn’s fault, yeah right…

        I couldn’t stop myself, officer – the whisky kept pouring and pouring; now she’s going with a beer drinker, oh woe is me – let’s outlaw whisky.

        • Mathias Bjorkman

          No kidding, I have read so many journals from women and men where their marriages are shattered because of porn addiction. Of course people has to take responsibility for their actions. Porn is another form of prostitution. Anyone who has porn addition and masturbate to porn is that you imagine yourself in the scene. You start comparing your spouse to the person you desire. I will make a scripture reference so don’t go all secular on me now Mr CMA.

          Matthew 5:27-28 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

          Porn is adultery. You lust after the person on the screen. If porn was not enticing it would not be needed and would not be in existence. But its enticing and alluring like a jealous mistress. Which keeps calling out for your attention. Like a drug is for a drug addict. Like your state just legalized weed. You must know plenty of drug addictions.

          But ofcourse thats not the weeds fault. Or the cocains fault or the speeds fault. But still it was outlawed. So should porn be outlawed.

          • ColoradoMilitiaMan

            I say – KEEP PORN AND OUTLAW RELIGIOUS ZEALOTRY: yours is a classic case of someone’s average life “not matching up” with the rigors of the unquestioned immoral “sanctity” of religion. Because you cannot control your sex life within the approval of your “faith”, you want to persecute porn users, women selling sex, and anyone else having all the fun which is eluding you. You constrain yourself by living strictly out of an archaic collection of redacted errant religious translations, a lifestyle prescribed by “men” who have never been married – and you condemn others whose behavior you do not condone – PLEASE LEAVE MY LIBERTY OUT OF IT, IT’S NONE OF YOUR TWISTED BUSINESS – FREE SEX (among other Liberties) BETWEEN CONSENTING ADULTS IS NOTHING A RELIGIOUS ZEALOT CAN RELATE TO. You may judge everyone from a myopic religious/superior perspective if you choose to, but you have no right to vindictively attack the lives of others whose behavior affects nothing more than your dogmatic sensibility, or illustrates your own marriage’s shortcomings .

            Thank God, not everyone has such a sick and intrusive attitude toward others; open sex is practiced by millions without hurting you one iota. To flame folks for having free sex, you may be entitled; for you to want to restrict anyone’s Liberty, you have ZERO right, and I take that very personally.

            My heart goes out to you, no insult intended, my prayers are with you and your wife as well. Sex is a beautiful thing – until Sheeplish religious zealots pass blue laws and judge others’ enjoyment of sex, where they have no right to do so.

            Good Luck with your crusade, how did that work out for all those innocents already burned alive by the Catholics, and stoned to death by the Muslims? Religion – what a wonderful way to disallow Liberty, and misappropriate everyone’s natural-born sovereignty to be abused by a bunch of “celebate” pedophiles in robes, how beautiful – In God’s Name – PERFECT.

          • Misty Lutz

            Why are you even on this site????

          • ColoradoMilitiaMan

            I tried to explain, I composed a powerful paragraph, but I think your moderator couldn’t handle my non-obscene Truth about how I feel about religious puritanism…

    • Misty Lutz

      Sick!!!

      • ColoradoMilitiaMan

        I’ll pray for you, Misty.

  • God Nose All

    You need to show some naked women here, just for illustration.

    • Misty Lutz

      Sick!

  • Crossdive

    I FULLY agree porn is totally toxic, but where in the Bible can we prove masturbation without sexual thoughts/visuals/etc. is a sin? If someone achieves release without anything sexually sinful as a stimulant, why is that wrong? I’m sincerely asking; I know a lot of anti-masturbation Christians use a few arguments (which I’ve listed below) but none of those hold up, so if there’s a legitimate argument against it I’d like to hear it.

    Here are the common arguments I’ve heard Christians who oppose (even non-lustful) masturbation use (I’ve also included why they don’t hold up):
    1. “Onan!” (Genesis 38:8-10) We’ve probably all heard this one: Judah gets a wife (Tamar) for his firstborn son, his son dies, so he gives Tamar to Onan, his second born. Onan knows the child he’s fathering won’t ever be his to raise, so he cums on the ground rather than in Tamar, and God strikes him down. Here’s the problem: this story doesn’t say anything about God striking him for shooting semen on the ground. The account in context, rather, suggests he was killed for disobedience. So it has nothing to do with masturbation. So dies argument #1.

    2. “Sex is for two becoming one, so masturbation is solo sex!” The first half of this is totally Biblical. Sex is a sacred (and pleasurable) act that joins two souls as one. But where does the Bible say masturbation (when conducted without sinful visual or thought) is a problem? Where does it say it is ‘solo sex’? Masturbation is manual stimulation, not sexual intercourse (sex being one man and one woman engaging each other’s reproductive organs with their own). So where is the Biblical proof for masturbation being ‘solo sex’? Unless proof in God’s Word exists, here dies argument #2.

    3. “Jesus said not to lust in your heart or commit adultery in your heart!” Very true, very true. But if one engages the mechanics of masturbating but doesn’t think, say, look at, read, or listen to anything sexually unclean, then how does this passage apply? I can change a tire with sin in my heart, but does that mean that A) every person changing a tire has sin in their heart while doing so, or B) changing a tire is a sinful act in and of itself? Nope. So dies argument #3.

    4. “He who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body (and other verses of this sort)”. Again, correct. But did he say non-lustful masturbation was on that list, or is that just something the Christian who opposes all forms of masturbation is inferring? It’s dangerous to add to or take away from the Divine Word, so unless the original Greek/Hebrew text mentions masturbating here (or anywhere, for that matter), then we have to differ to what we DO know applies, which is Jesus’ admonition that it’s the contents of a person’s heart that matters (an assertion that applies to all topics, masturbation included). Short of evidence in the original text that the English missed, here dies argument #4.

    5. “If you masturbate you will fall into porn use!” This can be true, for sure, but is it unilaterally true? I’ve actually found masturbating without sinful images makes me want those images LESS, because I’m getting the gratification of release without the use of porn and all the garbage (physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual) that comes with it. Since this is a variable dependent on the individual and contributing factors related to that individual, we can’t nail this one down in black and white quite as easily. So I guess the best Biblical advice I can think of here is probably: if it is sin to you don’t do it, if it causes you to sin don’t do it, and “everything that does not come from faith is sin”.

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