I’ve interacted with thousands of couples from all over the world, and one alarming trend I’ve noticed is a decline of intimacy in many marriages. It usually doesn’t happen all at once. There seem to be some subtle, stealthy “intimacy killers” that can creep their way into a marriage. Over time, couples may realize they aren’t where they used to be but don’t seem to know how to start getting the intimacy back.
The good news is that it doesn’t have to be this way! In fact, couples should grow deeper in their intimacy as the years go by, and I know many people whose marriages seem to grow stronger with each passing year. If you want to reverse a trend of “intimacy erosion” in your marriage, it starts by recognizing the five most common enemies of intimacy in marriage. We talk about some ways to build a stronger bond of intimacy in this FREE WEBINAR.
This list is not comprehensive, and I recognize that each couple is unique, so these might not apply to your situation. This is simply a list of the most common traps and simple solutions for avoiding them.
In marriage, secrets are as dangerous as lies. Anything you intentionally keep hidden from your spouse will create invisible barriers blocking the intimacy in your relationship. Secrets are the enemy of trust, and there can be no intimacy without trust (Tweet This).
2. Digital Distractions
Our high-tech world can be great, but our gadgets and smartphones can be harmful to our marriages if we’re not careful. Be willing to put down your phone when you’re talking to your spouse. Don’t make your spouse compete for your attention.
3. Keeping Score
Grace has to flow freely in a healthy marriage. When a husband and a wife start keeping score of each other’s past mistakes, grudges replace grace. Be quick both to forgive and to seek forgiveness in your marriage.
Porn erodes the intimacy of a marriage with devastating consequences. Porn doesn’t train your mind to be satisfied by healthy intimacy with your spouse; it warps your mind and distorts your view of intimacy. If this is a struggle in your marriage (as it was in my marriage at one time), please explore the resources available on this site.
5. Lack of touch
I’m not just talking about sex here (although sex is a vitally important aspect of intimacy in marriage). Your physical touch has the power to create a stronger bond with your spouse. Look for opportunities to show affection. Hold hands. Give each other a back massage, and, yes, make sex a priority too!