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Are Men Too Horny or Are Women Trying To Be Too Sexy?

by Carl Thomas on May 15th, 2015 in The Haps

are-men-too-hornyHave you ever had an article or blog post that stopped and made you think … “Hmmm, isn’t there a bigger issue or question here?

I read a great article in USA Today on the “right” to wear yoga pants. Mind you the article was specifically dealing with the rights of a female middle schooler.

Anyway, the article recounts a heated debate that occurred between the the administration of Haven Middle School and a group of “feminists” when the school decided to implement a policy that required female students wearing leggings to also wear a shirt that was “fingertip length.” In a nutshell, the school claimed that they were just trying to minimize visual distractions for the school’s male population while the other side argued that the school, by instituting such a policy, was promoting a “rape culture.” (The idea that some blame victims of the exploitation instead of the perpetrators)

Now while the yoga pants controversy may rage on …

I believe this case begs a greater question to be asked – Where does responsibility lie when it comes to our sexual decisions?

If a man decides to cheat on his wife because his “sexy ” secretary keeps throwing herself at him, who’s at fault?

If a man struggling with porn addiction can’t seem to steer clear of visual temptation because every time he is on Facebook he sees a dozen selfies of sexy females wearing really low cut, tight tops can we really blame him?

Or, if an attractive girl or women is wearing super tight yoga pants can we really fault a guy for staring?

Here’s three things I think we need to remember when stuff like this comes up:

1. You can only worry about you. There will always be visual distractions. There will always be opportunities to cheat on your spouse. And for the time being, it seems that there will always be some women who love wearing super-tight yoga pants in public places. The fact is this, just because these things are out there doesn’t mean you get an “out” and can plead “not my fault” when you act out in a sexually irresponsible way. You are the only one responsible for your decisions (Tweet This!).

2. People should take more time considering how their actions may influence others when choosing to do something. This doesn’t mean that we are to live our lives entirely around the sensitivities of other people. If this was the case XXXchurch.com wouldn’t even exist. But, it does mean that we need to understand that our choices can have an influence on other people. If you are a female and decide to go to a football game wearing skin tight leggings and a low cut top you can be pretty sure that you are going to get some stares and unwelcomed “shout outs.”

Think about your decisions on a larger scale than just how you feel about them. Recognize how others may react to your choices and if you are ok with that then fine. But, if you would rather not deal with the potential consequences of your decisions then you may want to rethink your options.

3. We need to stop this urgency to police everyone. I personally think it’s a responsible decision to minimize visual distractions in a learning environment like school. I also don’t think that by doing so we are validating any one’s behavior or “poor” decisions. But in a case like this, the school had a responsibility to the “greater good.” This is a responsibility they’ve been given.

As parents we also have a responsibility for our children’s actions. If you think it’s a bad idea to let your middle-schooler wear painted on pants then it’s up to you to do something about it. You are the parent. It’s your job to help your kids make good decisions. Don’t expect them to. They are kids after all. BUT, after that the policing needs to stop.

In the end we all need to “own it.” Whether “it” is our own poor choices, our unwise decisions that may influence others, or our responsibility to those we’ve been given care of … it’s ours to own.

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  • Jennifer

    Encouraging girls to dress in a way that respects their dignity is fine. It fosters self awareness and self respect. But telling girls that they are responsible for the thoughts and purity of boys is simply wrong. In the Bible, women are told to dress modestly. Men are not instructed to force women to dress modestly. Dignity and self respect must be fostered from within, and they can’t be enforced through a dress code that objectifies girls and strips responsibility from boys.

  • 143jeanne

    I was mortified by a woman at Church wearing yoga pants…and she would be too if she knew! She was on her knees praying at the steps of the alter and bent over….need I say my mouth dropped open.Very sad. Now I go to a church where women wear skirts that are knee length or longer. I was around the porn industry in the mid 70’s…….so I have seen the end of “peep shows” to16 mm film to Beta and VHS….and the worsening degradation.

  • Amanda

    It’s not just girls having to watch what they wear and guys not using it as an excuse…society has focused so much on the worth of a woman through ‘hotness’ and looks that young girls grow up thinking that their worth is through how desirable they are.
    Look at Miss Universe….yea, they do focus on other attributes but the first one in order to even make it is looks, is what they wear….
    How u carry yourself and being desirable in terms of ‘hotness’ are 2 different things.
    I hope that in the near future, fame wouldn’t be based on looks for women but what they achieve that makes them great regardless of their looks.

  • Hunter

    Girls also need to dress appropriate . Guys get turned on by alot of what girls wear. Some men try to recover from this but them their is that one girl who wears something that is really inappropriate and the guy goes back to his old ways.

  • Jen G

    There is a war being waged for our souls, and its the devil’s plan to distract us with talk of such insignificant subjects!!!!!!! I think what bothers me the most is that through this there is not much talk about the freedom we find in Christ alone!!!! If you are still struggling you have not found complete freedom in Jesus CHRIST!!! How do you find freedom in Christ? Seek Him with all your heart! Draw near to Him, and He WILL draw near to you. When you start loving your neighbor as yourself, and you have been delivered from the lustful desires that consume you, then you will respect everyone as your brothers and sisters in CHRIST!!! As a wife who dealt with many stuggles before marriage, I found FREEDOM when I stopped trying to have control over my own life and allowed the Holy Spirit of God to have COMPLETE CONTROL, instead! When you loose your life you will find freedom! The power of Jesus has freed you from the bondage of the devil which leads to sin and death. BY HIS WOUNDS YOU ARE HEALED! But only after dying to your flesh and seeking Him with all your heart and soul! Anything other than this is NOT the truth of God and gives power to the enemy. Do not live in FEAR! God has not given you a spirit of fear but of power, love, and SOUND MIND! When you have ALLOWED God to truly deliver you from those sexual demons (and yes, they are demons that hold you in bondage through sin), you can look at naked people all day long and it will NOT create any sinful desire in you. You will instead be filled with the love of God for your brothers and sisters in Christ! I have lived this!!! My husband has lived this!!! If you have not been baptized in the Holy Spirit, and have felt the power of God you are not really living at all. There is POWER in the name of Jesus! Confess your sins to God. Repent and ask God fir forgiveness. Ask the Holy Spirit for forgiveness for the times you have grieved Him and ignored His warnings! Then, tell that Spirit of Lies, that Spirit of Whoredom, Spirit of Bondage, Spirit of Perverseness, Spirit of Lying, and Spirit of Jealousy to LEAVE by the name and authority of Jesus Christ of Nazareth! With praise and thanksgiving thank Jesus for His goodness! Ask the Holy Spirit to fill all the empty and dark places in your heart with LIGHT! You WILL find freedom. It’s yours, but only if you truly WANT it. Some people like the idea of freedom, but are afraid it doesn’t exist. I’m hear to tell you that complete freedom does indeed exsist! Don’t go through life believing the lie of the enemy that tells you that you have to suppress your urges the rest of your life. The devil is a liar!!! So all of this yoga pant talk is really a heart issue. Period. Fix your heart, and it’s no longer an issue.

    • Jen G

      And let me please just add, for those women and men who are shaming girls who have not been taught anything different is nothing but legalism! Be careful of a Spirit of Haughtiness, Spirit of Error, and a Pharisees Spirit! Your legalism and judgement will never lead anyone to Christ. When your doctrines oppose the Bible, that is a spirit of Antichrist!! Stand firm on the living word of God ALONE! I’m disappointed in the the lack of discernment so called “Christians” have when discussing these subjects. Have you ever thought that the root cause of this is because people are finding their self worth in things other than Christ? If you find self worth, and feel good, when judging others for where they are in their walk with Christ, I pray for your lost soul! You are to be the LIGHT of this world. But the darkness of the devil is the one who condemns, causes separation, and division! Most Christians have been guilty of this, I included, but I speak from experience because as I continually fall on my face before the feet of Jesus, He exposes all darkness in my own heart! Legalism will never change the heart of an unbeliever. Your made up rules and judgment will never show the love of Christ. If you are at a church where women don’t dress properly, why are you not being the example of Christ? Where is your leadership? Why in your selfishness have you ran in a direction that seeks to find comfort instead of allowing God to remove you from your comfort zone, and help those women find freedom in Christ, as well? The more you are focused on yourself and others, the less your eyes are focused on Jesus Christ and communion with the Holy Spirit of God! This is a wakeup call. Your main goal in this life is your be fishers of men, not be the moral police. You goal is to help your brothers and sisters in Christ to find freedom, not continue to judge with a Pharisees Spirit! There is a spiritual war being waged for souls, so how can you be concerned about your comfort when God has called you to step out of the rocking boat of your comfort zones, and walk uncharted stormy weathers while keeping your focus on the face of Jesus! It’s a heart issue, people!!!! It’s a heart issue!!!

      • fort5569

        Wow! I say again the bible, old and new testament is clear, that women are to dress modestly, period. No need to start the sexi war men vs women, no need to be out there casting ‘spirits’ out of every thing that moves. Teaching people, “admonishing and correcting” according to God’s Word is NOT condemnation, nor is it ‘judging’ as God Judges but it is ‘judging’ according to the Way we are to be correcting peoples behaviours, to save their souls!

  • fort5569

    The Bible is clear, women just choose vanity of sexualisation of themselves over respect for Christ!

    • Lorenzo Hilton

      They want to show camel toe

  • annie

    Why is it that men are shown as victims of porn and lust, and the women are the cause of their indecency? I hope someone from this blog would also talk about the struggles of a woman addicted to porn and lust and how men who are always out there looking for a hook-up does not help. Men should also respect women more with regards to this bec if not that’s why some women become a w* themselves. Not always the fault of the women, please.

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