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Confessions: An Open Letter to the Women of the Adult Industry

by X3 on September 7th, 2013 in The Haps

To all women who have participated in the porn or adult entertainment industry:

My name is Jim, and I am a recovering sex addict.

I am writing to you to apologize for any harm I may have caused you as a result of my participation in various adult entertainment businesses. Although it’s been seven months since I’ve looked at porn, I spent 30+ years viewing porn, calling 900 numbers, and attending strip clubs, among other things.

In my mind, I had the false belief I was engaging in behavior between two consenting adults.

I thought there was no victim. I was wrong.

While we may have been “consenting,” I now see the flaws in my thinking. My motives were completely selfish and I’m ashamed to admit that I never once stopped to consider the effects my actions may have had on the women I was viewing or speaking with. To the women in the adult entertainment industry, I am very sorry for my selfish and destructive behavior. I am very sorry that:

I never stopped to consider you were a victim of my selfishness.

I never stopped to consider how your involvement in this industry may be affecting you.

I never stopped to consider that maybe you didn’t want to do the things you were doing.

I never stopped to consider that you may have been hurting.

I never stopped to consider that you have feelings.

I never stopped to consider that you might be trying to “get out”.

I never stopped to consider that you may be dying inside.

I never stopped to consider that guys like me keep your industry thriving.

I never stopped to consider that I was keeping you from a relationship with Christ.

I never stopped to consider your value as a human being: Your heart, your mind, your soul, your spirit, your dreams, your ability to love and be loved, your struggle, your pain, your history, your humanity.

I am deeply sorry for all of this.

If you are in pain, I am deeply sorry for the ways guys like me have treated you. While I certainly do not know how you feel, I hope this letter might bring you an increased sense of self-worth and the hope for a better tomorrow.

I can’t take away my past actions, but I can promise you I will continue to work hard every day never to be “that guy” again. I wish I could promise you I will never hurt you again, but I can’t. I can only promise that every time I am tempted, I will see the consequences of my actions and hope and pray this will be enough to help me make healthier decisions.

I hope you know that you are valued, worthy, and significant.

You matter.

If you’re looking for a change, I hope you find a way out. I hope you find a way to fulfill your destiny of being the mother, daughter, friend, partner, or sister God wants you to be.

Lastly, I want you to know that I work as a sponsor with other sex addicts and will continue to find ways not only to lead a better life myself, but also to help others who struggle with this affliction. I know I can’t rid the world of porn viewers, but I can try to ease the pain, one consumer at a time.

God bless,
Jim Mc

[Editor’s note: healing often comes when we confess our failures and come clean about our mistakes. Jim wrote this as a means of bringing about his own healing; if you would like to make a confession of your own, we invite you to come clean and submit your own confession.]

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  • Roy

    I have never thought of watching porn as keeping the men and women who participate in it away from a relationship with Christ. Nor that they might being dying inside and wanting a way out. I always thought the same, that both parties were consented. I’ve been and addict for 5 years now. I hate myself every day for it.

    • Kyle McNally

      You CAN get out! Accountability is key

    • Stuart Lee Tutt

      Yes, you can get out! Accountability is the key and a personal relationship with Christ is the basis to that accountability. There must be honesty, trust and a lot of prayer.

  • Randy Nettles

    Jim, Thank you for sharing. I too have spent the better part of 25 years of my life addicted to porn and all of its sinful behaviors, all the while trying to live a life for Christ as a husband & father. It can’t be done! You CANNOT serve two masters!!!

    You will wind up loving one and hating the Other…I know. I’ve tried it both ways. I encourage others who are thinking they can live a life that’s pleasing to God while walking the fence to “Set their minds on the Spirit. Those who have set their minds on the flesh are in the midst of sin & death. They are hostile towards God. They cannot accept his laws for is impossible for them to do so.

    Yet those who set their minds on the things of the Spirit have life and peace…and live it abundantly with Joy and Hope!” Romans 8:5-8, John 10:10, Romans 15:13.

    If you are still reading this and are seeking a way out, find help! You CANNOT do it alone. Satan is too strong for us on our own, but we can do ALL things in Christ, who strengthens us (Phil 4:13). Find a Celebrate Recovery in your area, or go to XXXChurch or Setting Captives Free online…or contact me @RockinRandy on Twitter.

    Life is too short not to enjoy living it…In His name,

    Randy N.

    • Stuart Lee Tutt

      Yes Celebrate Recovery is an awesome program!

  • Janetta

    This is great! Thank you for posting. Whether they are able to read it or not, I’m encouraged by your words and your help with others struggling. So glad God has brought you out of your addiction and shown you the value of these women!

    • Jim Mc

      Janetta – I appreciate your kind words. My hope is that this letter finds its way to these woman and that it helps them in some small way. God Bless!

    • Ali

      hello

  • Stuart Lee Tutt

    Beautiful brother! That should be my name at the bottom of that letter! Many of your words were my prayer of forgiveness not too long ago!
    That took strength Jim! GOD BLESS!!

    • Jim Mc

      Thank you. I’m blessed to have found recovery today and hope and pray my journey can help others. I appreciate your kind words. God is good!! Peace……

  • Stuart Lee Tutt

    Hey guys, may I read this letter at the Wrestling for your Life conference on the 20th of this month?

    • Jim Mc

      If it will help others struggling with Sexual Addiction, I’m all for it Stuart. Thank you!

  • GUEST

    Jim:
    Would you mind being my sponsor in a 12 step sex addiction program?
    Lovehashem
    ([email protected])

    • Jim Mc

      Fred – I’d be happy to help you anyway I can. Please contact me at [email protected].

  • Joel

    Jim sort of had me until the “I wish I could promise you I would never hurt you again, but I can’t …”

    I understand the purpose for Jim for writing it for himself, I doubt it would be very well received at all by anyone in the industry … I may be wrong.

  • Christine-Kelly.tumblr.com

    I do not understand “I never stopped to consider that I was keeping you from a relationship with Christ.” and “I hope you find a way to fulfill your destiny of being the mother, daughter, friend, partner, or sister God wants you to be.”

    Because as a Christian i know and believe God works through me as ME!

    None the less i hope that this letter helped you! Thanks for sharing.

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