Every day we receive stories of pain and devastation caused by pornography. And yet every day we are asked why? Why do you fight? Why push forward? Below you will find a story from a wife who is struggling. Her story is powerful and her hope inspirational. We exist for her, her husband and the others who know there is something more out there – hope will prevail.
My name is Jenn, I’m 39 years old. I’ve been married to my husband for over 17 years. We have a 6 year old son. My husband and I have been struggling in our marriage for years, but I didn’t know what the problem was. He was very secretive. 3 years ago I found child pornography on our home computer, I was devastated. I confronted my husband about it. He’s a computer programmer and made up some excuse about how our computer got compromised. I told him to get it off the computer and to secure it so it never happened again. A month later, I was going through his lap top, and I found the child pornography again. More excuses, but at this point, I knew they were just that. I kicked him out of the house.
Later we talked, he denied it and said it was another compromise. I wanted to believe him, how could my husband be addicted to child porn? He has a law enforcement background, he’s a Christian, he’s ex-military, a great father, a nice guy, everyone loves him. Then a month later I found the child porn again, and the photos looked just like my 10 and 12 year old nieces. I called his father and showed him the photos, then I took the laptop home and threw it in our pool. My husband finally confessed he was addicted to pornography, in a bad way, and told me that when he downloaded it, sometimes the “younger stuff” would get in there. But I found very little “older stuff”. 90% was all young girls.
To make a long story short I signed us up for counseling, but he lied his way through the whole thing. After 12 months of secular marriage counseling, I signed us up for Pure Lifes sexual addiction program (at home). Again, my husband lied through the whole things. I eventually found out that he had been involved with a secret relationship with my 12 year old niece. Buying her gifts, toys, giving her credit cards, he even set her up with a p.o. box where she lived that no one else knew about. And now I’ve found out that he’s molested her.
I am also a child of molestation. My brother molested myself and my two sisters. He was also into pornography.
I’ve now lost my house, my family, my husband, the father of my son, I have a restraining order on him, I’m spending thousands of dollars trying to keep my son in a safe environment. My father and mother in law are Christian leaders at their church, but yet they chose to live in denial and are protecting my husband’s reputation by turning their back on me instead of supporting me. My husband currently has a legal case on the DA’s desk where my niece lives. I don’t know how long it will take to process, but it looms over his head daily.
I still love my husband. I still want God to bring glory out of this mess. He continues to deny everything, despite a written document I found of his confessing to some of it. It’s the most painful thing I’ve ever gone through. I turn to XXXChurch to help motivate me to pray for my husband’s salvation – to break the bondage it has on my husband. I pray that one day we can start a ministry to sexual predators. But for now, I have to sit by and wait on the Lord, trusting that he’ll take care of my son and I while we go through the process of trying to recreate our life and find where God wants us.
Thanks for listening.
-Jenn
>>> You can share your story as Jenn has on the Confessions Blog