Last week a reporter from GQ was in all week writing for the European magazine that will come out this summer. I introduced him to several people around town for his story. He met with porn stars, he went to a porn video shoot (without me), hung with my family and headed to strip clubs with Harmony’s team. He has asked me this question a lot.

Is porn to blame?

I would love to hear your answers. Below is my friends response that is so so true.

 

On the topic of identifying a cause and effect pattern to the use of porn:  Again, I don’t think that porn is the main issue here.  I think that porn is the commercial product of a larger sexual issue that is a human and cultural problem.  The ramifications of porn’s affect in the individuals life are vastly different but all the roads lead to the same destination.  Porn preys on our human nature to have & want & need good sex.  For some, like me it was the gateway to start acting out sexually in more extreme ways.  Eventually leading to a one night stand.  Fortunately, I have an understanding wife who is standing by my side as I am on the road of recovery.

For others it is the loss of their girlfriends, marriages, jobs, finances, etc.  It decays the values of our lives in different ways.  I have had it affect my work, finances, hobbies, recreational time and social life.  There have been many moments that I can look back on where I would have rather been out doing something fun and meaningful with my time & energy but were spent in isolation using porn.  And after so much porn I wanted the real thing so I would go to extremes with sexual fantasy’s so I could get real sexual experiences.  So many men wouldn’t say that they have a problem or addiction but it’s only because they aren’t allowing themselves to realize that.  It took me almost losing my wife before I realized I had a problem.  For others who can’t come to grips with there being an actual problem there situations would probably just be worse over time.  I mean, read this interview with John Mayer.  He is so candid in this and he basically exploits the results of using porn.  For John Mayer, he’d rather spend time with porn than with a real women because the fantasy is greater than reality.  This is a sad thing.  Christian or not, you have to look at our human nature hear and the need we all have to feel love and acceptance.  Because of John Mayer’s porn use he would rather not engage in real life.  He even mentions the use of porn affecting his work.

What I am finding is that my problem with porn & my sexual acting out relates to much deeper issues in my own life.  Issues that go back to my childhood.  About how I was treated & how I felt & what I believed about myself as a young boy.  How those things translate into my current work & family & personal life today.  Porn along with the acting out has become a drug.  An escape from the pain & suffering & disappointment.  This process of healing for me has required professional help & group accountability.  Everybody’s path will be different but it all starts with recognizing the problem.