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30 DAY PORN FREE CHALLENGE

30 DAYS OF ADVICE TO HELP YOU STAY PORN FREE

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Quitting Porn #101 – You Gotta Want It

by Carl Thomas on May 20th, 2015 in The Haps

quitting-pornIt’s 7PM and there you are sitting in front of your computer screen. You look at the clock and wonder how the hell you wasted 3 hours of your day looking at porn. You think, “How could I let this happen again … especially when I want to stop so bad!

Ever been there?

I have.

Here’s the question sometimes we need to ask ourselves. Do I really want to stop?

When I was struggling with pornography and in the early stages of sobriety I’ll be completely honest. The idea of never looking at porn again kinda freaked me out. I mean, life without porn? I couldn’t even remember what that looked like. You see … it wasn’t even so much a lack of faith or belief that I could do it.

It was being 100% certain I actually wanted to do it.

After all porn had been a pretty reliable friend. It was always there when I needed it. If I ditched porn what would be there to take its place?

I think a lot of people have a hard time quitting porn because deep down the idea scares them a bit. Quitting porn means giving up their security blanket and that’s not a fun thing to think about. They fear the absence of their friend so they really never truly go after recovery. They don’t REALLY want it.

You gotta want it. You can’t kid yourself.

You can’t fake it.

You have to push aside the fear and have faith that a life without porn is way better than a life with porn.

You’ll never quit porn because you really don’t want too.

It’s the difference between knowing and actually believing. If you believe that there’s more to life than 3-hour porn surfing fests in front of the computer you’ll start wanting that. And REALLY wanting it is what it’s all about.

Because when you do, you’ll go after it full-throttle and then you’ll be able to set yourself up for real success.

Here’s the BIG QUESTION. Do you want it … really?

If so then do something. The 3o Day Challenge is a great start.

 

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  • Melody (aka Mama Crossroads)

    You rock, Car. Keep up the good work!

    • Melody (aka Mama Crossroads)

      Carl! Sorry. Typo. Excited. 🙂

  • Jason Scott

    There are two types of people in this world. People who look at porn and masturbate,
    and liars who claim they don’t.
    Stop shaming people for being human.
    Human beings like sex. We are supposed to like sex. It’s what keeps us having kids and keeps the species alive.
    Why does the christian right want to take us back to the puritan days when sex was considered evil?

    • chandler

      sex was never evil, sex is not evil. but pornography is wrong, its lust- and lust is evil. iv looked at porn for a long time, and mr.scott I want out, yes we all love sex. but pornography and masturbation is not sex, its self gratification- and its wrong. I would know.

      • Jason Scott

        Why is porn and lust wrong?
        I won’t accept any answer that contains anything like “god says it’s wrong or immoral”
        Convince me, the atheist why as a single man with no romantic commitments I should stop watching porn and/or masturbating.

        • Larry Mills

          Has sex with a real woman ever been anything like it is in the porn movies? For myself I can state that yes, with my ex wife it was, but that is the exception to the rule when compared to former girlfriends of mine. Now, as an atheist and single man, have you ever read any of the articles that have been published about research done on people’s brains who have strong porn watching habits? It really is addictive, just like smartphones and electronic media and alcohol and cocaine. It caused changes in the reward center of your brain that creates a craving that keeps you coming back. Google the phrase “porn addiction brain changes” and be prepared to do some reading, there is an interesting Huffpost article on it. When you become addicted to anything, be it chemical or electronic, you will suffer greater levels of depression and sadness during a “withdrawal” until you feed the addiction again or go through full withdrawal and break it’s hold on you. If you don’t think you are addicted to porn or masturbation, try giving them up for 30 days and see how that works for you. Cigarettes were easier to quit, which I did cold turkey, than porn and I’m not there yet with the porn. But then I’ve been hooked on the porn since I was 5 years old, so that’s about 36 years. I only smoked for 12 years, and quitting the cigarettes was very difficult.

          • Jason Scott

            I’ve had girls that were just as freaky as any porn star and I’ve bedded complete prudes. Honestly in a romantic partner I don’t want a girl that acts like a straight up pron star. That’s what porn is for. I’ve watched it every day for weeks at a time and somtimes ok go months without watching it with no issues. I’m well aware that it’s fake and not real. I maintain no illusions about that. I’m also aware that people can be addicted to it just like anything else. If you feel you have a problem then by all means do what you have to do. My issue is with Christians who try an impose their will on the world and condemn everything that doesn’t fit in their little world view.

          • tj

            Interesting. Sounds like you have a “little world view” just like everyone else.

          • James

            I used to masturbate even when flaccid to try to get off. More than 5 times a day I’m sure there’s people that do more. It got to the point where i couldn’t stop and eventually i went to prostitutes then I REALLY had to stop. You start fantasizing with porn but sometimes with some or all people it ends up not being good enough. There’s people who could be casual with alcohol and there’s some who should stay away from it. You have to be an addict to understand

          • James Batanian

            This site is to help people break free from the chains of sexual addiction and find victory in christ. If thats not what youre looking for, then why are you here? Of course youre not going to understand the victory and importance of quitting porn, youre still convinced you have a great life looking at it 5 times a week. The first step to quitting drinking is admitting and understanding youre an alcoholic. Porn addiction is the very same! And it sounds like you are far away from realizing that man. So obviosly none of this is going to make any sense to you. This site is not evil, or hurtful in any way. Its helping people in ways youre not even ready to understand. So be respectful. And by the way, youre making yourself sound like an idiot saying Christians are condemning the things that dont fit in our world view. You couldnt be more wrong bro. “For God did not send His Son into the world that He might condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through Him.” John 3:17. If youre gunna try to dispute Christianity please at least educate yourself on the scriptures.

            -James Batanian, 16 years old.

          • Jason

            I agree with james batanian

          • James

            Just like Facebook, i cannot stop

    • Jason, thanks for the comment.

      BUT, no where did I suggest that sex is evil.

      Also, this post is clearly directed at guys who want to stop looking at it for whatever the reason.

      Also, the subject line says it all. You gotta want it. Since you have no problem with porn than this blog post really doesn’t connect with you.

      Christian, atheist, whatever … We at XXXchurch believe that porn is not healthy but we also uphold a person’s right to make that decision for themselves.

    • Steven

      Hello Jason,

      For the record, I don’t masturbate or look at porn, though I used to do so daily for decades, and that’s no lie. Furthermore, I no longer desire to do those activities, praise God! I celebrate my 6-year anniversary victory over those addictions in about a week. You can call me a liar, but I know the truth.

      I’ll tell you a secret, Jason: You don’t miss it, if you no longer want it! And I no longer want them.

      Walk in the spirit and you will not fulfill the lust of the flesh (Gal. 5:16).

      By the way, Jason, I do not consider myself a member of the Christian Right – far from it, in fact. I wouldn’t counsel an unbeliever to stop masturbating. Instead, I would counsel him or her to follow Jesus and let Him take that desire away. I’m the living proof that it works.

      – Follower of Jesus, Former sex and porn addict.

      Victory in Jesus

      • Jason Scott

        Well if you don’t masturbate then I sincerely hope you’re not a single man. Otherwise your days and nights must be quite uncomfortable.
        It’s not healthy to go long periods of time without a sexual release of some kind whether by a woman or your own hand. Plus no one wants to be around a guy who hasn’t either gotten laid or jerked off in months.

        • Steven

          Well, I am single, and I like it that way. I desire no sexual climax, no physical intimacy, no romance. That’s all in the past and good riddance to it!
          After six years of no sexual climax (except for a few times during sleep) I seem to have no apparent harmful side effects, as some predicted would happen to me. I guess some people will say anything to justify masturbating.
          Jason, I told that if you don’t want something, you have no regrets if you don’t get it. I don’t want sex, so I have no difficulty not getting it. In fact, I have much more free time now that I have no more sexual desires.
          Victory in Jesus

    • Crossdive

      Dude, sex is awesome, it’s just that porn twists sex and messes with our brains, bodies and hearts (scientific studies back that up).
      It sounds to me like you are throwing quite a bit of judgment and hatred even as you claim that that’s what the Christian community does. Do some Christians have a skewed, prudish, or hateful attitude towards sex and sexually active people? Sadly, yes. Do all? No. Clearly there are those of us who try to see things from a more Biblical perspective (again, sex is an awesome gift).
      I’m getting the impression your real issue is both feeling convicted about your behavior, which is making you defensive, and about your hate and hurt towards the church as a whole. I’m sorry for how horribly the church has failed at times and how’s it’s hurt you and others, but that’s not Jesus, that’s flawed people wearing His Name. Jesus is loving and forgiving, but you do have to want it. His love is yours even if you reject or hate Him, but His forgiveness comes when you ask for it. And if you aren’t ready to admit to having a problem, I don’t see how you would be ready to ask for forgiveness (since you have yet to confess to any wrongdoing).
      Jesus isn’t throwing hate or condemnation here, and from reading the replies you’ve gotten, neither are the Christians here. Seems like you are the only one looking to attack anyone, and I don’t hate you for it. I’m sorry for you. I do pray you will reach the place where you are ready to admit you need healing and I pray that you receive it. I hate the thought of you living in pain and emptiness. Have a good day, man; you are loved, whether you are ready to heal yet or not, whether you believe yet or not. He loves you so much no matter what. 🙂

  • Jason Scott

    I don’t read the bible. I’m an atheist.

    • Harry

      Repent and ask Jesus into your life before its too late.

    • Crossdive

      Jesus loves you anyway bro. 🙂

  • Charlie Powell

    Its been about nine months since I came out to my fiance’s godfather who is also a pastor and told him that I have a porn and masturbation addiction. Nine months ago I had someone to talk to and help me find X3watch and X3church site and became my number one accountability partner. Since then the battle between myself and the addiction to look up porn and masturbate has been a failure. My fiance is aware of my addiction as well and became my second accountability partner but I keep cheating, hiding, and failing. I found apps or sites that wouldn’t be detected by the X3watch app/program where I was able to look at porn without worrying about the X3watch program working. Its my drug and I just can’t seem to go cold turkey and just quit. I really really REALLY want to quit now that I am engaged and planning the wedding for next September. I want to have a clean marriage where I don’t go sneaking into the office or bathroom to look up porn. I love my fiance and I don’t want to lose her to the cheap imitation of what sex is, I look forward to our wedding night and having the real thing. I always wake up everyday and say, “I’m quitting, deleting my apps, and going cold turkey.” Then the next day, I start all over again. What do I need to do to, in order to stop my addiction? I hate living with this addiction especially since I am a year away from my wedding. Is there someone or something else out there that can help me?

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