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30 DAY PORN FREE CHALLENGE

30 DAYS OF ADVICE TO HELP YOU STAY PORN FREE

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3 Things The Church Won’t Teach You About Porn

by Alice Taylor on April 22nd, 2016 in Favorites, Men, Women, Students

blog-template leadersAh. The Church and porn. What a topic! Traditionally, when it comes to the Church and porn, leaders have said some pretty awkward and downright hurtful things. That sucks. But we are growing! The Church is learning more and more what is helpful and true, and just how Jesus really sees porn producers and users. I am thankful for that! But we still have a long way to go. Here are three things the church won’t teach you about porn.

1. Porn feels good. 

A porn expedition can feel awesome. There’s no point denying that. When you’re in the ‘zone’ and have decided to act on that temptation, the anticipation and sexual release of porn feels good. Like, really good. For a time, it seems to fills the ache in your heart, to satisfy and give you control. Porn draws on our sexual instinct and the innate desire to be wanted, loved and touched. Plus, there’s no risk of rejection or awkwardness, because it’s just you and the computer screen. How much better could it get?

Well, that’s what we think until the ‘porn hangover’ starts to descend. That’s when regret settles in and it becomes clear it was all fleeting, and more harmful than good.

Most of the discussion around porn lurks around these waters. The disgrace, the ruptured intimacy and the degradation. Such conversations are necessary. Ministry and education are needed to salve the many porn hangovers church goers show up with on a Sunday…and the rest of the week.

But we must not forget or ignore the reality that porn feels good.

The euphoric chemicals of the brain’s reward system are responsible for this feeling. Dopamine and oxytocin are the brain’s ‘warm-fuzzy’ delivery guys. They are good at their job.

This is why users seek porn when they feel lonely, bored, depressed, rejected, hurt and bad.

This is why it has such a grip on so many minds:

Porn is an easy high. 

Using porn is harmful and sinful, but being attracted to it doesn’t make you especially ‘heinous.’ You are a sexual being, craving the chemicals of orgasm, intimacy, and touch. You are human. In all the negative talk about porn, don’t get caught up in shaming yourself.  You like porn because it feels good, not because you’re a monster.

2. Women watch porn. 

Men’s breakfasts. Men’s shed. Men’s convention. Beer and porn. Porn and ping pong. Youth boys separated to talk about porn and masturbation. Porn. Male. Porn. Male. Porn. Male. The words blur until they practically become one.

Women experience lust and desire. Women masturbate. Women watch porn, too. The female population of the church often feel the sting of struggling with a ‘guys issue’. When the only narrative they hear is male dominated, what else is a gal to think?

Statistically, there are more males using and struggling with porn. And it is absolutely wonderful that the church is having the conversation over beer, pancakes, ping pong, or whatever it is!

But one in three visitors to adult websites are women, 17% consider themselves addicted, 49% of young women deem pornography an acceptable way of expressing one’s sexuality, and 60% of girls have been exposed to porn before age eighteen.

Let’s get real: women are in on this too! Women are sexual creatures with desires and fantasies just like men. Porn is a huge struggle for many women, and they are not out of the ordinary. There is a tribe of them out there, and they need a voice, too.

3. God isn’t the only one who can help you 

Your Father in Heaven knows you. He loves you. You are precious to Him and that is why He gave up His son for you. He pursues your heart like a relentless lover, and is working to set you free from the enslavement you feel to porn. He restores your heart and mind and reveals true and lasting intimacy.

But…There’s more.

God has moved people to create incredible resources. It’s one hundred percent okay to use these tools in your recovery! They are a gift! Some people have miraculous and sudden deliverance from addiction. That’s awesome. Most people don’t. Let us not feel ashamed to reach out to others for accountability and support, to read books, do courses, seek therapy, and use legit resources. Your Father can work through anything.

When you ‘give it to God’ and still struggle, questions of doubt and confusion arise. Am I saved? Am I loved? Freedom is not always as simple as surrendering to God and being delivered from porn.

Use the resources He has given you.

Recovery is possible.

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  • Seth Alan Taylor

    Preach! Thanks for your voice Alice. As a man, I am awfully tired of this idea that this is a male issue also. The same voice that has suppressed women’s sexuality for centuries is the same one acting like only guys have issues with this. Pretending women don’t use porn is a strange type way of once again oppressing women. Great writing my friend.

  • Chivat

    Yes, I have talked about porn in my high school ministry and this is what my teens said: they NEVER talk about porn with parents or teachers (or other adults in their lives), even though it is the resource most often used to learn how to have sex; girls are surprised (and disgusted) at how much guys watch porn and guys are equally surprised that girls don’t really watch it (and think it’s disgusting) they had no idea that pornography use correlates with an increased demand for sex trafficking, that porn accounts for 1 in 4 internet searches or that among the top three searched terms on pornhub in the last three years was the word “teen”… There are a lot of things that feel good until we know the true cost.

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