C: “I am in a relationship with a guy who claims to be a Christian but he’s really into porn. We’ve been talking about getting married, but I’m just not sure if it’s the right thing to do. Can you help me?”

A: Having been married to a porn-addicted, unfaithful man who also claimed to be a Christian, I have this piece of solid advice to offer you: LOOK BEFORE YOU JUMP!

Although I’m not sure about the particulars of your relationship, I do understand what it’s like to be with a man who seems right on paper, but in reality is no way how he presents himself. Randy Pausch, who became a YouTube sensation with The Last Lecture before his untimely passing from pancreatic cancer, left this piece of advice to his young daughter:

“When it comes to men who are romantically interested in you, it’s really simple. Just ignore everything they say and only pay attention to what they do.”

Living in a world with an enemy who works overtime to make sure we are deceived, women are especially susceptible to falling for charmers who say the right thing, but never follow up on their word. Before I married – in haste – my ex-husband promised the world. He spun tales promising me an easy life, saying that he would be able to not watch porn, that he was able to live without it and he could control his desires. Unfortnately, none of his words were true and after our marriage, his porn consumption intensified. He believed he was able to watch it in secret, but his search history was out there in the open on our shared computer. Feeling my heart sink into my stomach upon each discovery, I realized my marriage was lacking one essential component: trust.

Proverbs 31 is known as the great scripture from which women should base their marital lives, but as I recently discovered, it contains clear instructions for husbands. This article (see here) does a wonderful job breaking it down, but in short, a Proverbs 31 husband trusts his wife. Trust, we are commanded by God’s Word, is an essential component for a successful marriage. If trust is lacking in your relationship to begin with, how can you ever expect to have it when you are married?

If your boyfriend claims to be a Christan, is this something that is obvious in his actions? Does he walk in love? Does he hold you in praise?

Before you take your relationship to the next level, you need to have a clear conversation with your boyfriend about his porn consumption and importance of trust.

Remember this: Actions speak louder than words.