Crazy people approach me any and everywhere. Even from a very young age. I remember my first crazy approach when I was about 15 in the WalMart checkout line with my girlfriend, Jessi, and her mom. This guy and his friend (both in mid-late 20s) started talking to us about dish soap and then he proceeded to clutch his heart and fall into his friend stating how I was so beautiful and how was he ever going to live knowing he may never see me again and no girl would ever compare. My thought was… “Wow. This is super weird. If any of us is beautiful, it’s Jess. Besides, we just got done camping and haven’t showered. Gross.”
The crazy continued even through college. I was at a dinner party with some co-workers. My roommate was there and wanted to stay longer, but I needed to go home to study, so I got ready to leave. My co-worker’s son asked if he could walk me to my car since it was dark. I’d met him a time or two before and he seemed nice enough and it really was a polite gesture to walk me to my car. Well, on the way to my car we start talking and he stops me to tell me that he has to confess his undying love for me. I’m starting to get a bit weirded out by this as it came out of nowhere. While he’s confessing he whips out his penis to show his undying love. I had NO idea what to say or think. Did this guy seriously just whip out his penis?!? Like…who does that?!? I said the only thing I could think of – “It looks pretty dead to me,” and I get in my car and drive away with him still holding his penis.
Oh my word. Seriously?!? How do I keep attracting these weirdos?!? What about me says I want to be violated visually and verbally? Really?
The craziest crazy turned into a three-year three state stalk-a-thon. I was home over Christmas break visiting from college and went out with some girlfriends. I had nothing clean to wear that suited the winter weather, so I borrowed a hoodie from my brother. I had some lady approach me about my hoodie and I told her I didn’t go there, I went to school in California. This guy appears out of nowhere and tells me that he used to live in California and that’s about all I remember. I had a couple drinks too many and apparently gave the guy my phone number and he called me that night. He informed me that he was in love with me and was going to buy me a house. I quickly got off the phone with him thinking that he was weird and hoping that was the end of that. It morphed into his flying out to California to surprise me (surprise… I didn’t tell him where I lived), to him stalking me down and following my car (surprise…I got a new car), to him stalking me to my new apartment in a new state and telling me he was watching me and going to marry me and he had enough money saved that he didn’t have to work for 10 years, so I’d never be alone by myself. Finally that was over when I informed him I was pregnant. Geeze. He probably deserved a gold medal for persistence or extreme crazy. Maybe both.
It wasn’t until after I had my daughter that things started getting put into proper perspective. I was finally getting clear on who I was and Whose I was and the kind of guy I wanted to attract. Sometime after I attended the Landmark Forum, my forum leader said something about how it was who I was being that attracted these guys and I had a say in who I was creating myself to be. I decided that I was not going to be being a crazy magnet anymore but rather being one who attracts quality on all levels.
Since then, I haven’t been a crazy magnet. Sure… I still get cat calls here and there. But for the most part, I really do attract those guys in which I’d love to keep around long-term – as either a friend or partner. I’m a bit surprised at the quality of the guys I’ve been attracting the last year or so. Successful, great careers, kind and involved in the community, big love for Jesus, isn’t scared by the fact I have a kid, and thoughtful.
“Thoughtful” like the doctor who brings me coffee at work after working a 12-hour shift overnight at the hospital because I forgot mine at home on the counter kind of thoughtful. “Thoughtful” like he offers to change my headlights when they went out and clean my car kind of thoughtful. “Thoughtful” like picking up a gift card to my daughter’s favorite noodle restaurant for a mommy-daughter date night kind of thoughtful.
It’s quite interesting to me how once I got clear on what I wanted and needed and I created an empowering context around that, the guys that I now attract either fall in agreement with that…or they bow out. There’s no drama or hurt feelings or unwanted advances or comments as a direct result.