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30 DAY PORN FREE CHALLENGE

30 DAYS OF ADVICE TO HELP YOU STAY PORN FREE

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Do You Have Safe People to Share Your Porn Issues With?

by Shellie R. Warren on January 12th, 2012 in Women

I’ll tell you what…

Between vampires/witches (“The Secret Circle”, “The Vampire Diaries”, “Being Human”, the list goes on) and *porn*, I’m not sure who’s “winning out” on the television programming tip. There seems to be an influx of all three!

And while the topic of media and porn is something that we definitely should touch on this month (mostly, are *we* doing enough to hold *it* accountable?!?), there was a show (“Let’s Stay Together” on BET) that I checked out, actually for the first time in its entirety earlier this week, that caused me to want to broach another subject. First.

A *newlywed* (although she and her husband did live together prior to marriage) just discovered that her husband watched porn on this laptop (amazing how they lived together and she didn’t know that, right?) and she went to another (longer) married woman for advice. A portion of the dialogue went like so:

Newlywed: “I was on Charles’s laptop this morning and I found porn.”

Friend: “That’s *it*? OK, look, girl, y’all need to find some *real* problems.”

Newlywed: “But what does it mean when he’d rather look at that than me?”

Friend: “It means, ‘Thank you! I have the night off.’ That’s why I *give* Jamal porn. Girl, listen…whew! Sometimes, I just need a break.”

And you know how it is when there’s a laugh track behind scenes like these. Everything seems *lighter*. But really, isn’t that a *really heavy conversation?* Not only did the “friend” not think porn was a serious issue, but in her marriage, it appears that she’s a “porn pusher” for her husband. Not just because he “likes” it but because it serves as a “pleasant” diversion.

And yes, a majority of us (at least on this site) would find that kind of advice to be utterly ridiculous to give someone. Especially since people often come to us to figure out what to do *next*. Yes, OUR ADVICE HELPS TO PLACE A PLAN INTO ACTION. Bookmark that.

On the show, you could tell that the newlywed was still conflicted. She tried to find an–eh, hem– lukewarm compromise and decided to try and “shoot a porn” with her husband (good point: is videotaping a sexual encounter with your covenant partner *still porn*? Sound off!), hoping that it would deflect the issue. One thing that I did like about that scene was that the end result was an *epic fail* because they realized that *real sex* is not scripted and choreographed (AND. IT’S. NOT.). However, in one of the final scenes, when she did confront her husband about his “laptop activities”, one of his retorts was, “You don’t go with me to play basketball, do you? We have ‘we’ time and sometimes I also need ‘me’ time.”

Boy, just pearls of wisdom falling everywhere, ain’t it? SMH. The foolishness of the world is indeed…*foolishness*. Sex was not created to be a “me time” activity. Two people—a man and wife—were always the main ingredients needed for it to be a success.

Just as I told a loved one on yesterday, something that I think we don’t focus on, nearly as much as we should, is that sex (along with marriage) was created IN PARADISE. BEFORE SIN. IN THE TANGIBLE PRESENCE OF GOD. In the midst of perfection, it was designed. It was not an afterthought, a remedy or cure for anything. In the midst of perfected love, it was made to be a physical expression of it. Therefore, I can’t help but to wonder if in the midst of seeking advice or giving it when it comes to the issues of intimacy, porn, pleasure, etc. if things would change, *drastically*, in the approach, if this was kept in the forefront of our minds. Hearts. And words.

You know, a man by the name of Martin Dansky once said that, “If people could enjoy staying together as much as they fantasize about having sex with someone outside of their relationship then couples would keep from falling apart.”

Now *that’s* some good advice right there!

And so, in processing all of this, when it comes to who you’ve gone to or go to for counsel…when it comes to the kind of counsel that you give, being that the Word, which is God (John 1:1), tells us that there is safety in wise counsel (Proverbs 24:6), being that advice plays a role in what we should do *next*…

“Do you have safe people to share your porn issues with? Your sexual questions with? Your intimacy concerns with?”

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