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Do You Indulge Your Addictions?

by Shellie R. Warren on November 3rd, 2013 in Women

OK, let’s be real about masturbation for just a moment. It’s an act in which you think about sex (sometimes sex that involves you and another person and sometimes other people with other people) and based on those mental images, you sexually stimulate yourself to the point of release.

In most cases, it’s quick, it’s lonely and it’s addictive.

As someone who used to have sex with other people, watch porn and yes, masturbate (usually not all at the same time-LOL), I must admit that one of the reasons why I don’t masturbate now is that it was always such a pacifier and as I oftentimes tell people “pacifiers are for babies” (and believers are to get to a point in their lives where they put away childish things, right?-I Corinthians 13:11).

When you think about God’s design for sex (Genesis 2:24-25), when you read books like Sacred Sex (Tim Alan Gardner), when I think about the fact that sex affords us all with the opportunity to join our minds, bodies and spirits with another individual who has committed to loving us for the rest of our lives…OK, so what is supposedly so great about masturbation again? I mean, how does it (or can it) even compare?

That’s a part of the reason why it disturbs me that masturbation has become so prevalent that even believers are finding ways to justify the act. And I’m not even speaking from the position that it is rooted in lust (I John 2:16, James 1:14-15). I’m speaking of the fact that since God tells us that every good and perfect gift comes from him (James 1:17) and he can do exceedingly above all that we can ask or think (Ephesians 3:20-21), how does masturbation manifest itself as being God’s best for us? Why would we settle for such a poor imitation of the real thing?

I believe that a big part of it is because we don’t want to face the fact that in some way, it indulges our addictions. It might be our addiction to porn. It might be our addiction to sex (well, actually to orgasms because masturbation is not a true substitute for sex). It might be our addiction to thinking that we will never get more in life, by way of relationships, than a physical release.

And take it from me, when you’re spending so much of your time trying to feed your addictions, it prevents you from truly putting that same energy into receiving real love, healthy intimacy and pleasure that truly satisfies (because yes, contrary to popular assumption, the Lord does root for us to experience pleasure-Psalm 16:11). Masturbation does not give us those things. Masturbation simply indulges our addictions—the things that are stumbling blocks to having God’s best. It’s “steal, kill and destroy” (John 10:10) at it’s finest.

Don’t believe me?

OK think about it: If you had to choose between an awesome person who has committed their entire life to loving you to have sex with in a big plush bed with God’s blessing vs. masturbating alone while conjuring up some trumped up fantasy on some couch in a dark room, which would you pick? Yeah, if you said masturbation, we have a bigger problem on our hands than I thought (no pun intended).

You deserve to experience real intimacy not to settle for simply indulging your addictions.
 
Please. Choose wisely.

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  • jeff rader

    At best it’s a cheap substitute. At worst it’s a cheap substitute.

    Some do masturbate out of selfish belligerence. Yet others are selfishly and belligerently provoked to masturbate.

    The problem isn’t masturbation, it’s belligerence.

    Being belligerently denied sexual intimacy with one’s lover, or being denied having a lover with which to share sexual intimacy, a sexually active man’s own body and subconscious mind will eventually drive that man to look for and find sexual release. If not masturbation, then perhaps intimate sexually themed dreams leading to having to deal with nocturnal emissions. That could go back and forth for years and years, doing/allowing one to avoid the other,

    If not either, there are things worse than masturbation one could beligerently do or be drven to do: pornography, public nuduty, promiscuousness, adultery, divorce, polygamy, incest, prostitution, pedophilia, rape, necrophilia, bestiality, S&M and B&D, or perhaps even being driven to gender identity confusion disorder (homosexuality, bisexuality, transgederism, and transvetitism)

    As much as mastubation is a problem, the problem does not always lie with the masturbator.

    • HUH?

      “At best it’s a cheap substitute. At worst it’s a cheap substitute.”

      Well said….

      • Peter

        Agreed.

  • Gary Seymour

    I really like the pacifier analogy, it is something that many Christians do indulge and justify doing, and I use the word indulge intentionally, because i know in my own life, I was very skilled at justifying why it was okay to indulge in that behavior. It can be like thinking about a seat in a favorite restaurant, you can picture it in your mind; you imagine the favorite dish in front of you, the ambiance, everything, right down to the one sitting across the table. and with that thought in mind, it can be overpowering to the point of ‘I have to go there this very minute.’ I have a favorite sub shop in Burbank, Giamela’s; it’s the best place in the world in my opinion for a pepper steak or pastrami sandwich, and when the thought of that foot long pepper steak crosses my mind, that’s it, I am consumed with the thought and immediately I begin to start checking the gas gauge and the bank account to see if I have the gas money to drive from San Diego to Burbank for that meal which will only last for a short few minutes and then be followed by the regret of all the money and time spent for the best $7 sub in all of California, the long drive back to San Diego, and the guilt of spending money on such a childish whim that could have been better spent on paying bills or sowing seed into the Kingdom. Ah, but that that selfish, I got to indulge my lust for that pepper steak thought is powerful, and will consume my thoughts if I don’t take that thought into the captivity and obedience of careful examination. The same is true with masturbation, it has to be recognized for what it is, a childish and selfish act to satisfy my momentary desire and lust for something that only lasts for a very short time. 2Co 10:5 Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ; 2Co 10:6 And having in a readiness to revenge all disobedience, when your obedience is fulfilled.

    • HUH?

      It seems like you have problems with self control, not imagination.

      • Ian

        If you read gary’s statement, he stated “i was very skilled at…” “why it was…”, was is past tense. Meaning that was the past, so HUH? you mean to say he had self control problems rather than an overwhelming imagination.

  • Corvus Suri

    You are making sex sound like magic.

    It’s a powerful emotional experience, and one that can form intense social bonds, but that’s really it. It’s just mateing. There is no mystic union or sharing of minds. Treating it like something supernatural just makes you look silly.

    • Mud angel

      If you don’t have a relationship with God then, to you, it is just mating. To an atheist it would sound silly. But I can attest to the truth of the power of sex. I have had times when after sex I burst into tears with a heartache and didn’t know why. I felt wrong. It was confusing to me, until I learn about my husbands sin. I was joining myself with with him and with his sin. After he got right it never happened again. I had no idea what he had been doing, how can that be explained?

      • HUH?

        “I have had times when after sex I burst into tears with a heartache and didn’t know why”.

        This is possibly because you don’t know yourself, and use sex as a filler for a much deeper problem. There is a bible quote for everything, but one should not force their interpretation upon the scriptures.

      • Corvus Suri

        The best evidence you have is post-sex mood swings? That’s hardly even an argument. Just a sudden rush of hormones screwing with your emotions.

        If you were actually able to share memories during sex, that would be evidence. But you can’t. Because, while the intensity of sex can provide the illusion of some sort is psychic bond, it really is just an illusion. Or in your case, a delusion.

      • Tiffer

        I can attest to the reality of “a deeper connection” in sex. Anyone that says differently is entitled to their opinion – entitled to the wrong conclusion. “HUH” and Corvus clearly didn’t read your entire comment – it was not mere coincidence that the crying stopped when your husband “got it right” – God had clearly given you a “something’s wrong” alarm. My wife has had the same sort of experience, as have I. When I’m engaging in sinful behaviour, I get the shudders like the room temp just dropped 30 degrees. I have come to understand that it is a physical manifestation of the struggle taking place in the spiritual realm. The Word is foolish to those who “are perishing” – so don’t lose heart from nay-sayers – in fact, expect them!

    • HUH?

      I agree. It’s never been a one way mystical connection. Not all people have sex for the same reasons. Some had children to take care of the works back in the day, some for traditional reasons, others out of intimacy of their partners,etc…..There was no “one” mystical reason; not even in biblical times.

  • HUH?

    I don’t believe that you can skip from personal pleasure to intimacy. The problems and motives with both are rooted with the ability or inability to connect with another person….But that’s another conversation.

  • Peter

    It’s kind of hard to read people raising a fuss about certain things in the article. And I think I’ll go so far as to say that if you find it helpful, great! Use it! And if not, that’s okay! Not everything everyone says about sex is going to resonate with you, or help you overcome temptation of any kind. I happen to agree that masturbation leaves me feeling pretty empty and alone, but that’s based on my unique experiences. I think it can be pretty true for a lot of people, and not that true for others. Again, I think that’s okay. But the bigger picture is that we’re trying to focus on a way to use our sexuality in a beautiful, God-honoring way. Let’s shoot for that, even if Ms. Warren’s advice isn’t what we need right now.

  • Sadiqah Simmons

    Great post! Honestly though, this comment is all about giving kudos to Ms.Shellie R. Warren for writing her fantabulous ( and yes, that is a mashup of fantastic and fabulous!) book Pure Heart: A Woman’s Guide to Sexual Integrity. I read the book over the span of 2 days and it rocked my world. I have never cried that much reading any book. And they were the good kind of tears, the ones were you completely recognize yourself in the story and can’t believe someone else in the world understands other than you! I’m over the moon because I now understand the purpose for sex and there is such liberty in that truth! 🙂

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