Thanks, you're signed up!


Thanks for registering for the 30 Day Challenge!

We will be sending you an email shortly.

Please make sure you do these two things so you get your emails:

1. Add [email protected] to your address book
2. Mark your email from us as NOT SPAM


PS. If you don't get your email in the next few hours check your spam folder.
Find out how you can make sure our emails get to your inbox here. ×

30 DAY PORN FREE CHALLENGE

30 DAYS OF ADVICE TO HELP YOU STAY PORN FREE

user avatar

HEY RACHEL (CHILDREN AND PORN)

by Shellie R. Warren on February 25th, 2008 in Women

Q: I don’t know if you are the one I should contact but I went on xxx looking for answers and picked a name…My name is Rachel, I am a mother of 3 boys. My oldest is 14, he has been looking at porn. We have xxx software but he forgot. I got the report. I thought I might throw up. This was yesterday. He didn’t deny it. I am so angry. Furious. I want to scream and cry. I feel so helpless. There is no help for this. A website doesn’t help. Where is something beyond words on a site? Where are parents coming together in groups to fight? Do you know of anything like this anywhere? I already know about filters and what to look for and the “talk”… I have to take action and I don’t know where to start. I know your site helps people. I believe in what you do. It helps my husband and thousands of others. But as a parent there has to be more. Churches aren’t there for this type of thing either. It’s so taboo and I’m sick of it. Please tell me what more is out there to help parents come together in their communities to fight against this porn issue. I am angry enough now and am not just going to sit and do nothing and watch the world swallow our children whole. Please get back to me and help me. Thank you.

A: You sound panicked. I’m not a mother, but I mentor quite a bit and so I understand why (initially) you would be. I am also not a counselor. I am just a believer and “porn interest survivor”, but I do believe God led us to one another and so I will do what I can to address your concerns.

1) DON’T PANIC. When the Bible says “Be anxious for nothing” (Phil. 4:6), please believe that statement applies to situations like these. To be honest with you, the fact that you confronted your son and he didn’t deny it is a very good sign towards progress. You can’t do much with someone who is not willing to address that they have a problem in the first place. Which may be a good place to start with him: seeing if he indeed sees it as a problem. If so, why? If not, why not? Also, if you follow through with the rest of that verse, it says take your prayers and petitions to God. IT IS ONLY HIM who can remove some of your feelings of worry and anxiety about this.

2) You are not alone. I recently read that 93% of all teens between 12-17 have access to the Internet and there are over 150,000 porn sites with over 200 new ones being added per day. Another study revealed that 80% of children 8-13 have viewed pornography. After doing a little “‘net surfing” myself, I came across a book that might interest you. It’s relatively-new and it’s called, “Temptation of Generation”. It is about children and pornography, why parents are in a panic and how it can be addressed. I haven’t read it, but I did check out an at-length press release and I believe it will be able to help you with some of your concerns. The website is www.temptationofageneration.com and you can reach one of the contributing writers, Karen Child at [email protected] I also came across a great link for tips on dealing with Internet porn: http://www.helpguide.org/mental/internet_cybersex_addiction.htm

3) Define addiction. Just because he has shown an interest, doesn’t mean that he should be labeled as an addict. Sometimes we jump the gun on matters like these and being “trigger happy” can aid in adding to the problem. Here’s a link that helps you know how close he is to it being an addiction issue: http://safefamilies.org/pornaddiction.php.

4) Generational curses. There was something you said that really resonated with me: “It [our site] helps my husband and thousands of others.” Your husband battles with pornography? If so, that would explain a lot of the reason why your child is struggling (whether he knows it’s a part of his father’s stronghold issues or not). I remember when my mother and I talked about my four abortions. She was like, “I don’t know where you got that from” (she is very pro-life). After doing some digging, I discovered that another relative (older than me) had done it. BLOODLINE STRONGHOLDS ARE POWERFUL and it is my firm belief that if we don’t aggressively address them head-on, it will come out one way or another; sometimes through our children or even our children’s children. With that said, I am interested in knowing what your husband said/did when he found out about it. I am also curious to know if your husband is currently struggling in this area and if your son is aware of it.

5) Go to your pastor and see if there is a peer-to-peer support group. When it comes to helping young people through a struggle, adults are one thing, children are something else. Please believe that you, especially being his mother, knowing about this is doing very little for removing the embarrassment and shame that came with “getting caught”. A lot of times we will run (or run back to) things when we feel isolated or alone. Having him around some other young people who are either dealing with the issue or are trying to prevent themselves from having to deal with it, is a GREAT way to influence him for the better. If there’s not a group, being that you are so passionate about this matter, maybe that’s a sign for you to look into getting one started in your church or community.

BONUS: You caught him now. Have the rules changed about Internet use? At least for this season? I don’t know anyone who enjoys looking at porn in front of their mother and so I would also suggest you pulling in the reigns a bit on his PC use (well, alone PC use).

Let me know how it all turns out. Breathe. Pray. Hug on him and yourself and don’t let the Enemy make you or him feel guilty (Romans 8:1). That only gets you deeper into the hole. Love is a great antedote for lust. I know from personal experience.

Thanks, you're signed up!


We will be sending your first email shortly.

Please make sure you do these two things so you get your emails:

1. Add [email protected] to your address book
2. Mark your 1st email from us as NOT SPAM


PS. If you don't get your 1st email in the next 5 minutes check your spam folder.
Find out how you can make sure our emails get to your inbox here. ×

Live Inspired. Weekly Emails to Keep you Healthy.

Back

Resources

Thanks, you're signed up!


We will be sending your first email shortly.

Please make sure you do these two things so you get your emails:

1. Add [email protected] to your address book
2. Mark your 1st email from us as NOT SPAM


PS. If you don't get your 1st email in the next 5 minutes check your spam folder.
Find out how you can make sure our emails get to your inbox here. ×

Thanks, you're signed up!


Thanks for registering for the 30 Day Challenge!

We will be sending you an email shortly.

Please make sure you do these two things so you get your emails:

1. Add [email protected] to your address book
2. Mark your email from us as NOT SPAM


PS. If you don't get your email in the next few hours check your spam folder.
Find out how you can make sure our emails get to your inbox here. ×
You really want to exit? ×

Latest Blog Posts


×