Today, I was reading an article that inspired the title of this blog. Interestingly enough (to me), it referenced a song by an R&B singer whose (certain) lyrics clearly state that, in his mind, he’s so good at “making love” (a term that irks me to no end) that women that sleep with him will think that he actually invented sex (I’m assuming that was an unconscious hit against the *actual inventor of sex*—the Most High). Anyway, in another song, one that for some reason I don’t recall, this singer sings that “Sex Ain’t Better Than Love” as he goes on to share how, in times past, he mistook the difference between the two.
To all of the non-virgins, in reply I simply ask, “*Haven’t we all?!?*”
Then, as I was reading another piece entitled, “Ten Dating Mistakes That Women Should Avoid“, I noticed #8 and #9 of this particular author’s words of wisdom:
8.) Don’t mistake sex for love. Guys can easily separate sex and love, but women find it much more difficult. A guy will not love you because you had sex, but will have sex with you when he is in love. Remember this one as your motto.
9.) Don’t jump into bed too soon. A guy will not respect you and think that you jump into bed with a lot of guys. Hey, after all, why would you jump into bed with him on date #1 and not every other guy? Make sure both of you are in love before you take your relationship to this level.
First, if you’re a guy reading this, based on #8 and being that *both male and female* people are to live a life a sexual purity, do you agree that you can separate sex and love and if so, *why is that the case*?
Secondly, being that most of us are aware that the Bible says not to have sex until marriage (Hebrews 13:4, I Corinthians 6:9-10&16-18, I Corinthians 7:2), that’s not really the kind of commentary that I’m seeking this go around. What I am interested in knowing is that if *even the world* is telling us that sleeping with someone in order to make them love us is a sucker’s bet and that jumping into bed with a guy too soon is a pretty good way to put yourself in the “jump off” rather than “wifey” category, why do so many of us still continue, in record numbers, to go this route anyway?
Is it that we believe we’ll be the exception?
It is because deep down we think that men can’t have sex with us without loving us? (Even though they clearly tell us that they can!)
Or is it because somewhere within our psyche, we actually do believe that sex is better than love?
OK, definitely not better in the “more virtuous” or “moral excellence” definitions of the word, but more like the “superior desirability”, “more acceptable” and “satisfactory in degree” lanes.
So often we talk about sexual promiscuity, and even within the Church, people are still eating the forbidden fruit and so while they can *say* all day long that they know it’s not good for them, there still must be something within them believes that it’s *better* for them to do than the alternative (wait for a covenant commitment).
So if you’re a woman who is currently in a sexual relationship *or* you’re a guy who has been with girls that hoped you would love them after the sex was over, I would love to hear your thoughts on this matter.
Why are so many people strung out on the lie that single sex makes for a lasting relationship?
Why are so many of us out here acting like sex is better than love?