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Is Sex Better Than Love?

by Shellie R. Warren on April 18th, 2012 in Women

So…

Today, I was reading an article that inspired the title of this blog. Interestingly enough (to me), it referenced a song by an R&B singer whose (certain) lyrics clearly state that, in his mind, he’s so good at “making love” (a term that irks me to no end) that women that sleep with him will think that he actually invented sex (I’m assuming that was an unconscious hit against the *actual inventor of sex*—the Most High). Anyway, in another song, one that for some reason I don’t recall, this singer sings that “Sex Ain’t Better Than Love” as he goes on to share how, in times past, he mistook the difference between the two.

To all of the non-virgins, in reply I simply ask, “*Haven’t we all?!?*”

Then, as I was reading another piece entitled, “Ten Dating Mistakes That Women Should Avoid“, I noticed #8 and #9 of this particular author’s words of wisdom:

8.)    Don’t mistake sex for love. Guys can easily separate sex and love, but women find it much more difficult. A guy will not love you because you had sex, but will have sex with you when he is in love. Remember this one as your motto.

9.)    Don’t jump into bed too soon. A guy will not respect you and think that you jump into bed with a lot of guys. Hey, after all, why would you jump into bed with him on date #1 and not every other guy? Make sure both of you are in love before you take your relationship to this level.

First, if you’re a guy reading this, based on #8 and being that *both male and female* people are to live a life a sexual purity, do you agree that you can separate sex and love and if so, *why is that the case*?

Secondly, being that most of us are aware that the Bible says not to have sex until marriage (Hebrews 13:4, I Corinthians 6:9-10&16-18, I Corinthians 7:2), that’s not really the kind of commentary that I’m seeking this go around. What I am interested in knowing is that if *even the world* is telling us that sleeping with someone in order to make them love us is a sucker’s bet and that jumping into bed with a guy too soon is a pretty good way to put yourself in the “jump off” rather than “wifey” category, why do so many of us still continue, in record numbers, to go this route anyway?

Is it that we believe we’ll be the exception?

It is because deep down we think that men can’t have sex with us without loving us? (Even though they clearly tell us that they can!)

Or is it because somewhere within our psyche, we actually do believe that sex is better than love?

OK, definitely not better in the “more virtuous” or “moral excellence” definitions of the word, but more like the “superior desirability”, “more acceptable” and “satisfactory in degree” lanes.

So often we talk about sexual promiscuity, and even within the Church, people are still eating the forbidden fruit and so while they can *say* all day long that they know it’s not good for them, there still must be something within them believes that it’s *better* for them to do than the alternative (wait for a covenant commitment).

So if you’re a woman who is currently in a sexual relationship *or* you’re a guy who has been with girls that hoped you would love them after the sex was over, I would love to hear your thoughts on this matter.

Why are so many people strung out on the lie that single sex makes for a lasting relationship?

Why are so many of us out here acting like sex is better than love?

Sound off…

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  • Suriburd

    Love is nothing but cultural veneration of a pair-bonding instinct. There is nothing magical about it.

  • Fabio

    ” First, if you’re a guy reading this, based on #8 and being that *both male and female* people are to live a life a sexual purity, do you agree that you can separate sex and love and if so, *why is that the case*?”  Sounds like a loaded question, not to mention self-contradictory. Presumably guys who for are reading X3church blogs are already striving for “sexual purity”, so why ask them about having sex without love? Most would infer from that and the preceding material, that you are asking them to talk about premarital sex. Does that help anyone? Are you hoping to get men on here to tell stories about how they used women and threw them away? I know no girls have ever done that!  
    There are probably plenty of people who have experienced both: premarital sex that was rather meaningless, just for fun or the moment and premarital sex that was in a loving relationship.Likewise, marriages for most of human history were not based upon “love” or romantic feelings. Romance began in the middle ages http://www.medieval-life.net/romance_main.htm and is certainly a rarity in the Bible narrative. Family/tribal ties and Lust were the most common motiviations for sex and marriage in the Bible from what I’ve read. We know that Jacob fell in love with Rachel, but those stories are infrequent. So, since marriages worldwide — holy and blessed by God — have often not involved love at all,  until the last few centuries in Western world, I guess we can conclude that God disapproved of those unions. He is particularly angry, I guess, at the men in those marriages who simply used their wives for their own pleasure in order to have children. Meantime, other men were learning how to truly love and please a woman and tend to her feelings and sexual sensitivities… but shame, shame, they weren’t married, so that love couldn’t have been real; it must have been selfish.

    The “us” you ask to respond in your second question likewise probably aren’t reading this blog.. women who jump in the sack just for the heck of it don’t travel these parts that often… though I guess you could encourage some that you know to leave comments. My guess is that those that do that are either confused, horny or both.

    Regarding better sex, there is an increased likelihood of a woman getting pregnant when she cheats, because, first of all, she’s probably ovulating at the time and second of all, she is more likely to have orgasms and stronger ones due to the added excitement. So, ladies, beware!

    Sorry that I didn’t qualify to reply to this blog, but IMO sex with love is better than sex without and safe sex without love is better than masturbation.

    • Shellie

      I appreciate your reply, but I think even in the Christian faith, “love and sex going together” is the *standard* and unfortunately, not the ideal. Just look at the amount of people who are engaging in fornication, adultery, unplanned pregnancies, divorce, porn/sexual addiction, masturbation…*that go to church* and so honestly, I think it’s beyond time for “how it’s supposed to be” to be the only way matters are addressed. It’s kind of like asking the pregnant person “Why didn’t you use a condom?” after they find out they’re pregnant. A lot of the people reading this *actually don’t* share Christian resolves and I like to see where their head is at.

      But yes, what you said qualified because I asked for opinions and you shared a thorough one.

      Thank you. 😉

  • Jessica

    I think that Love and Sex are meant to be shared always TOGETHER, not one different from the other. When sex is practiced WITHOUT love, then it becomes an alienation, its no longer pure but had acquired a filthy meaning. Human beings… Sons and daughters of God are not animals, which act by instinct. ( I adore my pets, however those beautiful creations of our God, who created us too, were made to fulfill another purpose). The animal species lack what we received as an amazing unique gift from God, a Spirit. We are meant to make love to the man we love… the bond that is created while having sex or making love ( a word that I personally prefer to use) is not only physical but spiritual, it goes beyond what we imagine. Wouldn’t it be amazing to lose our virginity with the man who we said Yes to in the altar? Nowadays, it doesnt happen very often. But that doesnt mean its impossible. It can be done with the help of Jesus Christ, He understands what we go through in a perfect way. Remember, He became a man to experience and live what we go through, He knows all the temptations we have to face every single day of our lives, He faced them Himself while living on Earth, He put Himself on that position, our Lord came between us to show us we is a loving God, not an unreachable god in a pedestal that no one cant reach; that’s one of the reasons why I love Him so much, Jesus chose to be a human as you and me, He didnt come to live between us  to condemn us but to save us with love and mercy, understanding and infinite forgiveness. He knows what women go through since the very beginning of creation, and He loves us regardless, and not only that, but through only Him we are called children of God.
    Lets make our bodies holy as well as our souls… remember that our soul isnt detached from the body, but they are one, unseparated, when we have sex before marriage, have a sexual encounter with a man we just met or have affairs, watch pornography, sexting, etc… we only damage our conexion with God, which in the end will damage us spiritually… Lets make that act of physical and spiritual impurity stop, and lets not consider it NORMAL,  as the best disguise the evil one has is to distortion the truth by making it seem acceptable or even appealing and attractive to our mortal eyes;
    Let’s look at this whole sex topic with godly eyes, with the eyes we are meant to use in every aspect of our short life on Earth. We, women can do better than what media and this entire world tell us to do. We were created to honor God and not other gods like dirty sex, lets not let other imitations of our Lord take His Holy Place in our hearts. Only our Lord was meant to occupy the throne of our hearts not dirty sex. God bless and keep on praying and read his Holy Bible as it is His direct communication with us. Our Lord knows our deepest lows, whatever it is you want to know, believe me, He knows that even before you say it….He will give you the answers you are seeking, God bless you all 🙂
    JB

  • Mike Kennedy

    Neat, a sexist post. Keep up the good work!

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