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Marriage Ain’t Fixing What’s Broken

by Shellie R. Warren on July 5th, 2014 in Women

Marriage Ain’t Fixing What’s Broken-blogTrains wrecks. There’s nothing like seeing one coming and people not doing all they can to prevent it. Although this can cover a lot of ground, being that this month’s theme is focused on prevention, I want this post to center around being in unhealthy dating relationships.

Here’s what’s inspired it (at least this time-LOL). I have a friend who was recently telling me about two people who go to his church who, up until recently, were engaged. Awh. Isn’t that sweet? Um, let’s hit some of the stats first.

They are young. (Have you ever read the success stats of folks who get married under 25?)

They live together.

They are sexually active.

The guy doesn’t have a steady job.

The families are not in agreement.

Oh and one more thing: He’s a porn addict.

When my friend said that he asked them “Are you sure you want to do this?” the young woman’s response was “Why is everything asking us that?” (OK, let’s not try and be Romeo and Juliet since it didn’t go well for them. If no one is in agreement with your situation, that’s a red flag). However, what actually tripped me out more was that when my friend approached the pastor who was planning on marrying them, he basically said that he was going to perform the ceremony and then hope for the best.

Um. What?

I’ll tell you what. As someone who is a marriage life coach (with a concentration on restoring and reconciling divorced couples), I continue to be amazed by and disappointed in how irresponsible a lot of counselors and folks in leadership seem to be when it comes to something as serious (SERIOUS) as marriage. Marriage is a spiritual union created by God (Genesis 2:18-25). And since it is so spiritual, we have to remember what the Word says here: “But the natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; nor can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.” (I Corinthians 2:14-NKJV)

My point? We wouldn’t tell two crack heads to hurry up and get married. Why? Because they are not in their right minds to do something of that magnitude. Along the same lines, why would we tell two sexually active people, one of which is a porn addict, that they need to get married either? The solution for sexual brokenness is not marriage. It’s sexual sobriety. (Tweet This!)

In fact, just ask any healthy married couple something that they weren’t thoroughly prepared for and I’m willing to be they’ll tell you that they didn’t realize just how much of a responsibility marriage is. The next thing they may say is that they wish that had been more spiritually mature beforehand.

Marriage is not meant to “fix” a relationship. (Tweet This!)

Marriage is designed to GLORIFY God by being a human reflection of covenant on earth.

So, if you know a sexually broken couple who are dating or even engaged, do them a favor and encourage them to spend some time a part so that they can get whole as single people (James 1:4) before ever joining themselves to another.

We’ve got plenty of spouses who write us daily wishing that someone had cared enough to do that for them.

After all, you know what they say: An ounce of prevention…


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Marriage Ain’t Fixing What’s Broken by is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.



  • Albibird

    It’s actually quite welcome to.see a Christian site that doesn’t promote marriage as the cure for everything. A lot of them, especially those of a more political bent, treat marriage as some sort of supernatural force for bringing about a better society. Take the FRC, for example – they routinely proclaim that people not getting married young enough is the root cause of crime, poverty, racial inequality, unemployment, the weak economy and the decline of the church – to the point that they actually have an initiative (or did. it might have ended now) dedicated to campaigning for the government to grant even more favorable tax status to married couples in order to encourage more people to get married.

    I blame the whole ‘gay marriage’ debate. It lead to a lot of social conservative pressure groups talking about the value of marriage, and before long the hyperbole started, then venerating marriage as a supernatural wonder. After a while they start to believe their own propaganda.

    • clean sanchez

      And the sad thing is that without all those noxious tax benefits for married people, there would be no “g*y marriage debate”. There would be no epidemic of people getting “married” for the wrong (tax) reasons, and the ongoing debasement of marriage. This isn’t a new problem, it has been growing ever since the government started “encouraging people to get married”.

      • Suribird

        The great joke is that their ‘one man, one woman for life’ ideal isn’t even in the bible. It’s a custom early Christians adopted from Roman culture. Marriage in the bible has a lot more to do with property rights. The women were property, marriage was a way to track who owned them.

  • Rhino89

    Shellie Warren, you disgust me

    • Albibird

      This is actually one of her less-disgusting posts. I’ve seen her say far worse.

  • Bob Loblaw

    We are in the lifestyle and have sex with other couples. We have never been closer and been together for over 23 years. The swinging lifestyle has brought us even closer together than any vanilla couple we know. We don’t cheat and are totally open and honest with each other!

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