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More Women Are Cheating Now. Thoughts Anyone?

by Shellie R. Warren on January 30th, 2014 in Women

CheatersNow this should be interesting (to read comments on). As someone who is a marriage life coach, I will agree with the reports which state that finances, poor communication skills and a lack of intimacy (or intimacy compatibility)—and honestly, it’s usually a combination of all three—are the biggest reasons for why so many marriages are in trouble.

Well actually, I’ll add one more: selfishness; the thing that Philippians 2:3 warns us to steer clear of. So, if you’re a single person reading this and you want to get married just so that you can be catered to, yeah, you need to hang around a few more married couples (LOL). Healthy ones will tell you that a solid relationship is about what you give far more than what you take.

But back to the topic at hand…

When there’s a breakdown in a marriage, sometimes what occurs as a direct result is an affair. So here’s my heads up to married people: Cars get tune-ups to run in optimal condition. That said, married folks, please try and avoid waiting until your marriage is in dire straits before seeing a marriage counselor. Proverbs 11:14 tells us that without counsel, people fall and in counsel, there is safety. Going to counseling is not just about “fixing what is wrong” but maintaining what is right. “Checking in” a couple of times per year is a really wise move.

That’s actually something that I have been encouraging the couples that I work with to do. And yes, a few of them are recovering from adultery. And guess what? Each of them are the result of the wife cheating, not the husband.

That’s why when I read an article a few months ago on Hello Beautiful which stated that more women are cheating now, I actually wasn’t surprised: “According to the National Opinion Research Center’s General Social Survey, the percentage of wives having affairs rose to 14.7 percent in 2010, while the number of men admitting to extramarital affairs held constant at 21 percent.”

The article said this spike is due to three main things: (1) women are more financially independent; (2) popular entertainment (and I use the word entertainment loosely) “such as shows like Cougartown and Single Ladies (and the Real Housewives franchise) that glamorize casual and predatory sex among women…”; and (3) our attitudes about sex have changed.

And again, I agree and will add one more: many of us are so busy having sex that we are no longer seeking intimacy. And a big part of that is because we continue to treat sex’s benefits as if they are more important than its purpose. Orgasms are great. Oneness is sex’s purpose though. Sadly, it seems like there are so many women who are trying to “have sex like men” that they are not having sex like God intended for them to have. As God intended for all of mankind to have: with one partner who they are in covenant with, who will love them until death parts them. This is how a man of God and a woman of God are to have sex.

Women, we have to take this awareness back so that we can put our sexual power back where it belongs. And yes, we are powerful. Even sexually. As I oftentimes tell men, in the Bible, men are warned about women far more than women are ever warned about men (Ecclesiastes 7:26, Proverbs 6:20-35, oh and Delilah in Judges 16 immediately come to mind). And it would make sense being that God made women to be helpmates (Genesis 2:16, I Corinthians 11:7-12). And so, we’re either going to help men become better or—get worse. And cheating in a relationship, no matter who is doing it, benefits no one. There’s nothing liberating about it. No matter what the world may tell you (remember, it’s full of nothing but pride and lust anyway- I John 2:16).

So now that we know what the statistics say, I’m curious to hear your thoughts.

Why do you personally think more women are cheating?

And more importantly, what do you think can be done to make the cheating stop?

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  • Danielle Helen Burnham

    I think for one, it’s becoming okay in the world to have casual sex for women. I think our culture has too much sex on tv, I don’t allow the kids to watch any channel but one made for children, even commercials are too risky these days. And lastly I think parents aren’t raising children with the proper tools to go up against what the world is saying. Parents are just handing kids condoms or birth control, or just not giving a sex talk. I never had a sex talk, the first talk of sex came from my older sister when she talked to me after she first had sex. I wish my parents were Christians for one, but if they were, then I wish they would have talked to me about my body, how it works, how I would develop curiosity and urges. How I should stay away from the wrong type of people who didn’t have my same standards, how to not put myself in situations with boys so i didn’t have to say yes or no to an urge. Over all I wish I was just educated in general so I knew what sex was all about and how to proceed in my life and control that part of myself. My parents and grandparents thought I was weird for preaching to them about not having sex before marriage. They aren’t bad people, don’t get me wrong. But they think God just looks the other way, and my father raised me while I visited my mother on weekends and both had many sexual partners, my father was better at hiding it, but kids see everything. He would laugh when I would preach about not having sex, in the end we need to protect ourselves and our kids and what we expose ourselves to and what enviornment we are in.

  • Calherbe Monel

    Pastors/Churches are afraid of losing their main source of
    financial support. Because, statistics shows women give more money and submit
    to their pastors/churches leadership more than men. It is the same thing about
    addressing the issue of manipulation and control of single mothers against
    their baby daddy. The pastors/churches are quick to drop the book on the men/fathers
    about taking responsibilities, but they are silent about addressing how the
    single mothers are using their children and the system against their baby
    daddy.

  • Mudangel

    I think women’s hearts are getting harder. Too many heartbreaks, too much abuse and neglect. Women are looking for real men but not finding one. So they move onto the next man. Women are lonely, abused , and neglected by men who are looking for a selfish sexual fulfillment that doesn’t exist. As the rate of sexual sin in men is skyrocketing, so are women’s sexual sin.
    God even warned Israel about this and put the blame on men. “I will not punish your daughters when they play the whore, nor your brides when they commit adultery; for the men themselves go aside with prostitutes and sacrifice with cult prostitutes, and a people without understanding shall come to ruin. (Hosea 4:14 ESV)”. Now the temples are labeled playboy and hustler and prostitutes are available at www. But it is the same principle . Men are no longer our strong protectors and lovers. Women miss that. If men would repent and start worshiping God instead of lust and sex. Women would follow.

  • Kate

    I have to agree with Danielle on this one. It’s an obvious one, but what I think factors into this equation so brilliantly is the media. Everywhere you turn, or pretty much everywhere, you can find some sort of advertisement portraying women and men in a neglectful fashion. Little girls grow up watching these women and men, and usually have no idea how to respond, end up like them. I cannot blame the industry entirely, and neither can I blame the parents.

    I had a Christian male friend who grew up in one the most loving places one could ask for. His mother was his best friend, his sister loved him to no end, and his father was always around. I don’t understand why such a successful young man became addicted to porn, but he did. No one can blame the parents for that either. His parents were great, yet something still happened.

    As a side note, I can tell you that when I visited a different town (with a Christian college I was on tour for), it wasn’t long after I arrived that men started to ask me provocative questions and say vulgar things. One of the men we went off with (with my friend whom I trust) gave us alcohol and wanted us to spend the night at his place. We went with him and nothing happened. I know I won’t do that again though for obvious reasons (what if he weren’t trustworthy and took advantage of us?). My point is that when I was with that man, I felt so loved and cared for. I mean he bought us alcohol and was even willing to give a place to stay. I think, in the sex-working world, this is how men draw women in. They realize that these girls are easy mutual friends or lonely, looking for someone to give them attention, so they pretend to love them, and the next thing you know this guy (or woman) ends up on the top of America’s Most Wanted (and maybe the girl, dead). Like I said, women feel needy and want someone to love them (which should come from God and the parents etc.), which a pimp could easily pretend to provide. This is also the release that women are searching for in premarital relationships.

    The feminizing of society today I believe also contributes. Women are feeling like they need to overpower men, so they get their kick (getting back at those who hurt them) by giving themselves away to someone else. It’s such a sad thing to see God’s daughters forget that He even cares.

  • love.thy.neighbor

    I think polyamory is a fabulous way of truly expressing love and affection to mankind. I’m not suggesting everyone start having casual meaningless encounters; what I mean is that when we feel true love and affection for others – people in our lives who care deeply for us as we for them – then isn’t a kiss, a caring touch, the simplest and most powerful affirmation of love and appreciation? Raised as a Roman Catholic, my parents kept me very sheltered. I remember coming home from church several times and feeling guilty and shameful that I appreciate my body and that I even simply have the urge to show people I love them through affection. This led to a very depressed period of my life; in reading books like “Opening Up”, I have come to realize that showing affection (obviously when appropriate and with full communication to all involved) is a beautiful way to celebrate the lives that He has given us. We all have the chance for Eden, but He has not simply given it to us this time. We must find it in ourselves. 🙂 (I realize this is my own opinion and that it will not be popular; I am not trying to convince anyone of anything. To each their own. God bless!)

  • love.thy.neighbor

    …that being said, cheating and polyamory are two completely separate things. The prior is done in secrecy and with selfish intent; the latter is done when everyone is aware and informed and with generosity at its heart.

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