Now this should be interesting (to read comments on). As someone who is a marriage life coach, I will agree with the reports which state that finances, poor communication skills and a lack of intimacy (or intimacy compatibility)—and honestly, it’s usually a combination of all three—are the biggest reasons for why so many marriages are in trouble.
Well actually, I’ll add one more: selfishness; the thing that Philippians 2:3 warns us to steer clear of. So, if you’re a single person reading this and you want to get married just so that you can be catered to, yeah, you need to hang around a few more married couples (LOL). Healthy ones will tell you that a solid relationship is about what you give far more than what you take.
But back to the topic at hand…
When there’s a breakdown in a marriage, sometimes what occurs as a direct result is an affair. So here’s my heads up to married people: Cars get tune-ups to run in optimal condition. That said, married folks, please try and avoid waiting until your marriage is in dire straits before seeing a marriage counselor. Proverbs 11:14 tells us that without counsel, people fall and in counsel, there is safety. Going to counseling is not just about “fixing what is wrong” but maintaining what is right. “Checking in” a couple of times per year is a really wise move.
That’s actually something that I have been encouraging the couples that I work with to do. And yes, a few of them are recovering from adultery. And guess what? Each of them are the result of the wife cheating, not the husband.
That’s why when I read an article a few months ago on Hello Beautiful which stated that more women are cheating now, I actually wasn’t surprised: “According to the National Opinion Research Center’s General Social Survey, the percentage of wives having affairs rose to 14.7 percent in 2010, while the number of men admitting to extramarital affairs held constant at 21 percent.”
The article said this spike is due to three main things: (1) women are more financially independent; (2) popular entertainment (and I use the word entertainment loosely) “such as shows like Cougartown and Single Ladies (and the Real Housewives franchise) that glamorize casual and predatory sex among women…”; and (3) our attitudes about sex have changed.
And again, I agree and will add one more: many of us are so busy having sex that we are no longer seeking intimacy. And a big part of that is because we continue to treat sex’s benefits as if they are more important than its purpose. Orgasms are great. Oneness is sex’s purpose though. Sadly, it seems like there are so many women who are trying to “have sex like men” that they are not having sex like God intended for them to have. As God intended for all of mankind to have: with one partner who they are in covenant with, who will love them until death parts them. This is how a man of God and a woman of God are to have sex.
Women, we have to take this awareness back so that we can put our sexual power back where it belongs. And yes, we are powerful. Even sexually. As I oftentimes tell men, in the Bible, men are warned about women far more than women are ever warned about men (Ecclesiastes 7:26, Proverbs 6:20-35, oh and Delilah in Judges 16 immediately come to mind). And it would make sense being that God made women to be helpmates (Genesis 2:16, I Corinthians 11:7-12). And so, we’re either going to help men become better or—get worse. And cheating in a relationship, no matter who is doing it, benefits no one. There’s nothing liberating about it. No matter what the world may tell you (remember, it’s full of nothing but pride and lust anyway- I John 2:16).
So now that we know what the statistics say, I’m curious to hear your thoughts.
Why do you personally think more women are cheating?
And more importantly, what do you think can be done to make the cheating stop?