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Pray for Him Instead of Dating Him

by Shellie R. Warren on January 12th, 2014 in Women

Pray for Him Instead of Dating Him - InstagramIn 2014, I will be 40-years-old. This means that I’m about as old as hip-hop is and honestly, I have no problem with that. Personally, I tend to roll my eyes whenever people blame rap for all that’s wrong with our culture. For one thing, there has been some pretty positive artists that has come out of the genre (Public Enemy, Heavy D, A Tribe Called Quest, Pharcyde, Fugees, Queen Latifah, Common, Mos Def, Lupe Fiasco, Outkast, LL Cool J, The Roots are some who immediately come to mind) and secondly, does Miley Cyrus rap? Oh…OK. (LOL)

There is good and bad in all genres. It’s all about what you’re looking for.

Yet I must say that when I saw a picture a few days ago, and I read the shirt that a rap artist had on, I felt like it needed to be a PSA for single women who are dating guys who battle with sexual issues. Actually, it’s a PSA for single women who are dating guys with sexual issues—and they are in denial about it.

I remember when Jay Z and Beyonce’ first made their music debut. The song was entitled “Bonnie and Clyde ‘03” and the hook was “All I need in this life of sin is me and my girlfriend. Down to ride to the very end is me and my boyfriend.” I won’t lie. I thought the song was hot. And yet now, 10 years later, after listening to (and looking at) some of Beyonce’s latest visual album (and let’s just say that it’s really REALLY sexually graphic) and then seeing a picture of her and her now husband, Jay Z and him having the word “Pervert” on the back of his shirt…first *sigh* and then secondly this…

Although the world tends to profess that being barely clothed, writing racy song lyrics and being open about every aspect of your sex life is sexually liberating, I personally know some women (and men, for that matter) who are also married to “perverts” and if anything, they actually feel pretty bound (Galatians 5:13).

And for the record, being a “pervert” is not just about being caught up in sexual perversion. By the very definition it (also) means “to lead astray morally”, “to turn away from the right course” and “to turn into an improper use”. Interestingly enough, many of these people saw huge warning flags while they were dating the “pervert” and decided to totally ignore them. And let me just tell you, they are not popping bottles of champagne and celebrating. These individuals are absolutely miserable.

So where am I going with this? When God created marriage and sex, the intention was to make you better, not worse. And ladies, being that submission is also a part of God’s design for a marital union (Ephesians 5), be very careful about getting caught up in the belief that you can change a man once you marry him. There are a lot of young and old women alike who tried to “save a man” when they saw that he had serious sexual issues and it ended up boomeranging. They actually ended up falling under the perverts influence. They were led astray…they were turned away for the right course and they were used improperly. Indeed, not all guys have to have “pervert” on their shirt for them to be one. Their actions will show it.

Bottom line, some men don’t need to be dated. Some just need to be prayed for.

So, if you’re in a relationship with a guy who is caught up in porn or sexual abuse, I hope you’ll go into 2014 focused on praying for him rather than dating him. At least for now.

No daughter of God needs to be caught up in a life of sin with her boyfriend.

God has something far better in mind for you.

[Editor’s Note: We don’t use the word “pervert” in this blog to cast unnecessary shame on anyone struggling with sexual addiction but to define what making poor sexual decisions is … “a turning away from the right course.” If you are caught up in a life of poor sexual decisons then make 2014 the year you commit to making a change. Get accountable. Get on the path of real recovery. Lastly, get some solid support with all of this.]



  • Anonymouse

    I’m a guy in high school and I love that this point of view actually has support. I hate seeing my sisters in Christ being pressured into having sex with their boyfriends just because it’s what our culture expects. I’m also tired of my fellow guys, even Christians, pretending that it’s completely fine to pressure a girl into doing sexual things before marriage. I’m not a pure person by any means and have struggled/continue to struggle with sexual desires, but I’m trying really hard to control myself. It can be really disheartening to see everyone else acting like they’re having the time of their life, when all I have are my convictions, many of which I’ve already broken. This site is awesome because I see that there are people out there who also dislike pervertedness, but are also willing to admit that they aren’t saints.

  • Yeah,

    I’m a little confused at what you see the actions of a woman who is in a relationship with someone in this situation to be. I tried leaving and it was the most miserable thing ever. My boyfriend has not influenced me in any way to be sexual with him and he is trying do get over this addiction and still failing. Leaving made us both miserable and didn’t feel right… But like you said, staying is miserable because of the reality that I love and might one day marry and have to be intimate with someone sick. I do pray for him. But what about the real human emotions that I have? No counsel I have went to said leaving has to be the answer. It’s been a year now that I have been made aware of his struggle and the way I cope is just not thinking about it and trying to pray instead. We would probably be married by now but he wants to be in a better place.

    • Yeah,

      *the reality that I love someone and might one day marry…

      You can’t just factor out emotions. Maybe if I had been privy to the information before we got very serious but we had been together for 8 months and had been discussing marriage.

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