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Purity Is the New Virginity

by Shellie R. Warren on June 26th, 2014 in Women

A couple of years ago…

I designed a shirt that said “Purity Is the New Virginity”. My motive behind it? Well, it has been my observation (partially due to some of the folks that I talk to on this site and also due to some of the youth that I used to work with) that although it was God’s intention for purity and virginity to be one in the same, that really isn’t the case. And it hasn’t been for quite some time now.

I mean, even if you haven’t been penetrated—or haven’t done the penetrating—before, if you’re watching porn or masturbating or having oral sex (you do know that if an act has “sex” in the title, it’s a form of sex, right?) or anal sex (Whew! I know married folks who don’t delve into those, um, territories), that doesn’t make you pure. It doesn’t really earn you “technical virgin brownie points” with God either.

God’s intention for virginity is that the mind, body and spirit remain in a clear, whole and “free from foreign or inappropriate” (yes, that is a definition of pure) place until marriage. Until someone loves you enough to care for your mind, body and spirit before, during and after the act of sex. Until someone vows before God and everyone you hold dear that they will do so for the rest of your entire life.

Not one night. Not a couple of months. Not even a few years. All of your life.

Yeah, I wish someone would send that memo to the virgins who decided to be a part of (or perhaps the better phrase is exploited by) MTV and its new “reality” series (SMH) Virgin Territory.

As I was reading some of the copy on MTV’s website about the show, this is what had me at pause:

“’MTV has a legacy of documenting the lives of young adults and openly talking about sex with thought-provoking programming such as ‘True Life,’ ‘16 and Pregnant’ and ‘Teen Mom,’ said Lauren Dolgen, MTV’s EVP of Series Development & Head of West Coast Unscripted. ‘Through our ongoing partnership with the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, MTV will continue this tradition by elevating the discussion of responsible sexual health to include the topic of virginity in a way that our audience might find surprising.’”

Honestly, as a former teen mom director, I’m not sure how much “good” shows like 16 and Pregnant and Teen Mom have done. Most of the young people I talk to about it are either appalled or find it to be mindless entertainment (trust me, teen moms who take their parenting job seriously will tell you that it’s nothing to take lightly and it will affect your life for the rest of your life). To me, MTV does a greater job at using young people than benefitting them. I mean, I don’t see them doing series on students getting full rides to college or doing great community service…

But maybe that’s just me…

Anyway, my point is this: Being that there’s a pretty good chance that the hype surrounding the program is going to make virginity a “hot topic”—at the very least, a hot trending topic on Twitter—parents, pastors and mentors, this is your opportunity, yet again, to talk to the precious ones in your life about the sacredness of their own virginity (Tweet This!).

Trust me, it’s not enough to tell kids “Wait until you get married” or “Don’t get pregnant” (especially if you didn’t “lead by example” in your own single journey) and being that the world is discussing virginity, it’s important that we provide a healthier perspective. One that shares the fact that being a virgin is not just about not having a sex but keeping yourself in a mental, emotional and spiritual state where you’ll be prepared for all of the good that God has for you—yes, including in a (future) marriage bed.

I’m not sure what MTV’s true agenda is. Time will reveal (or expose). However, we have got to stop focusing so much on virginity that we forget to include purity in our discussions (Tweet This!).

We’ve got to stop allowing the world to have a louder voice on purity than we do.

Our kids, and their future spouses, deserve at least that much.

Far more than what any television program is going to offer them.


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Purity Is the New Virginity by is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.



  • hcjfctc

    Love this though I disagree that God ever meant virginity and purity to be one and the same since purity continues into marriage. It just takes on a slightly different look. Purity is far more important than virginity, because it goes beyond the physical before and after marriage.

  • Josh Yeshua Langner

    I love X X X Churxh (At least what I see on Facebook). I struggled with the sex vs purity issue on the opposite end of the spectrum… so badly that I stayed pure on an almost OCD level. It was indoctrinated into me from a young age that sex is bad. Sexual desire is bad. It kept me pure and out of demonic strongholds. Then I dated the girl who is now my wife. I was condemned when we kissed for the first time. I was mortified when our pastor brought up sex in premarital counseling. But that brought up a point from her… I was making her feel undesirable and unwanted. We are good now. But there has to be a way to teach kids and still keep a healthy image God’s intent of sex.

  • hillbillyscotsman

    Well, where to start. Im 32 and never had sex. Been a choice..but also, I’m not the most handsome looking guy either. Im 6’1″ 300+ hillbillyscotsman from east tn. So the ladies have never beat my door down for a date or to “get it on”. So its been easy as far as physical, but mentally…porn has haunted my life. Always was my go to to make me feel better. And now when i slip terrorized me til I ask for forgiveness, and then it still doesnt go away.

    And even worse, now that Ive found love of life that God has provided, I still can’t completely stop. And with her being pure, I feel so guilty.not pure.

    It’s tough…

    • Guest

      Brother please go to Reddit, the NoFap section. Lots of stories and encouragememt there for you. Don’t be too tough on yourself, but communicate with her. Good luck on your relationship!

  • Suriburd

    If you read the bible without presumptions drawn from modern culture, the ‘no sex outside marriage’ thing isn’t actually in there. It’s strictly forbidden for a married woman to have sex with a man not her husband, but not vice versa. Many figures in the OT, even holy men like David, had many wives and even more concubines. Nor were unmarried men required to remain virgins – the clearest example is Samson, who had sex with a prostitute yet retained the purity in God’s eyes that granted him his famous strength. The NT really does nothing to alter this situation.

    The Christian idea of marriage owes more to Roman culture than it does to the bible.

    • redbearjon

      Just checked the laws and pretty much anytime a man had sex with a woman he had to marry her unless she was another man’s wife in which case they had to be put to death. I wouldn’t say your argument is valid because if it wasn’t an issue they wouldn’t be required to be married.

      Furthermore, the story of Samson and the prostitute merely reports the facts and does not state whether or not God was pleased with Samson’s actions. To say Samson retained his purity is going beyond what scripture states. Since Samson lost his strength when his hair was cut we can say that his strength was due to his hair and not his purity before God.

  • Jennifer Lamprey

    I am an advocate of Purity! Thank you for this post and seeing it for what it is. It is a gift from God to be pure. I have three daughters and will continue to teach them this. What can I do to support your project Shellie?

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