Just a little while ago…

I was reading an article entitled, “8 Shocking Porn Confessions” on TheNest.com. Now, I’ll be honest. Our “Confessions” section here on the site can blow a lot of the ones in that piece straight out of the water, but that’s not really the point, is it? The Word, which is God (John 1:1), tells us that in confession, no matter how “light” or “heavy”, there is *healing* (James 5:16) and this is the reason why we should 1) encourage it, 2) be a safe place for it to be shared and 3) PRAY FOR THOSE (AND OURSELVES) AFTER A CONFESSION IS MADE.

Yet, I do want to share one of the eight confessions. I found it to be…enlightening:

“It’s a nice outlet for variety. Porn’s a lot dirtier than the type of sex I have with my girlfriend. Some things I see in porn, I’d never want to do to her because I love and care for her. So it’s nice to sample new things without really doing them. Guys have weird urges.” Casey Ridge, 32, senior manager, engaged (together for two and a half years)

There are some things that Casey sees, and I’m assuming doesn’t mind seeing in porn, that he would *never do* with his girlfriend because (catch it) HE LOVES AND CARES FOR HER. Now, I’m not sure if we’ve ever discussed, at least on this side of blog world, if there are people here who watch porn believing that they can use the information as a way to express love and care for their partners. If there is anyone who feels that way, by all means, please share. I must admit that in my past porn life, it made me feel a lot of ways, but loved and cared for were never two of them. Not ever.

Anyway, in honor of that article and in keeping with this month’s accountability theme, AND in the spirit of true and holistic healing, I’ll make a deep porn confession. It’s one that I discovered, actually, just last month as I was chatting it up with some of our guest bloggers about the kind of porn they (used to) prefer and why. My “favorite” was F-M-F threesomes and as I did some “dig deep” investigating, I realized that it had a lot to do with my sexual abuse growing up.

Sexual abuse is one of the most cryptic experiences anyone can have because oftentimes what you are encountering is physically pleasurable to some degree, but you’re conflicted with the fear/guilt/shame/confusion that comes in knowing that you shouldn’t be feeling this way at the hands of the person who is doing it. And so, what I realized about myself is that in a threesome, there seems to be waves (for lack of a better word) of submission and dominance…simultaneously. Somewhat akin to what my sexual abuse experiences were like. Therefore, it wasn’t so much that I *liked* threesomes (heads up, I’ve read via *several sources* that threesomes are used as a part of Satanic initiation rituals, by the way) so much as watching them brought about a certain feeling of *familiarity*. Therefore, my personal prayer request is that as I continue to heal from my past sexual abuse, that it will stop being something that I am *familiar* with. Those memories are not ones that I want to recreate, in body or in spirit, in my future marriage bed (Hebrews 13:4).

So there’s mine. That said, the question of the week is this:

“When it comes to the porn you’ve watched or the porn that you have become victim of due to a loved one’s viewing of it, in processing how it’s affected your sex life, your love life, your personal life, your spiritual life…what is your deepest porn confession? And how would you like us to pray for your healing?”