Sobriety Is Being Direct with Your Partner When He Is in Denial About His Addiction

There’s a lot to be said about someone who’s able to freely speak in a loving manner without intent to cause harm. There is definitely sobriety in being direct with my partner when he is in denial about his addiction. Colossians 4:6 states, “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone“.  This scripture is a constant reminder to me that even in my most frustrated state of mind, I still need to address my husband about his addiction in a manner in which he can receive what I have to say.  Before I open my mouth I pray for the proper timing.  

Like most addictions, the first stage is denial.  According to an article I read recently about overcoming denial, there are two types. The first is Type A denial. This is when someone understands and knows that they have a problem but when confronted about it, they deny it. This is dishonesty and lying.
The second type of denial is Type B denial.  Type B denial is when a person is either partially or totally obliviously to the problem they have. They go through self-deception, rationalization, justification, and excuse making.    

My husband displays a combination of both Type A and B denial.  He knows he has a problem with porn and has known for years.  However, somehow he tries to rationalize and convince himself that since he doesn’t watch it as much as he used to, then he’s not addicted.  Lately, he will just flat out deny watching it altogether to avoid having the direct conversation with me.   

Unfortunately for him, saying “I’m not addicted or I do not watch it anymore” doesn’t lessen its presence in our lives.  The addiction is evident in our sex life and in the way he interacts with me on an intimate level.  

I continue to have the direct conversations with my husband because I know having an unhealthy sex life is the surest way to a failed marriage.  Also, I try to keep the lines of communication open because he needs to know how I feel and I want him to be able to speak freely with me about his addiction. Honesty is very important and any marriage without it will not last.  When I said “I do” for better or for worst, I meant it.  If that means having difficult conversations about porn addiction, then so be it.  I want my marriage and I will do whatever it takes to make it last forever. 

It’s worth the fight.