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What Do I Do When Things Are Getting Out of Hand with an Ex Online?

by Jay H. on November 10th, 2012 in Women

We have to understand how to deal with our ex-whatevers.  Ex-boyfriends, ex-husbands, ex-jump offs, whatever he was to you.  We must learn how to address those situations. 

First of all, if you are trying to move forward, I feel that closure is difficult if your ex is your friend/follower on social media.  If you are struggling moving forward and you’re talking to your ex everyday on Facebook and Twitter, you haven’t allowed the door to completely close on the relationship.  Closure is the act or process of closing something.  Get the closure you need, stop talking to the ex and move on.

Let’s take this a step further.  Often in our current age of technology, we are keeping up with people we would have very little or no connection to otherwise, through Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or any number of social media sites.  Sometimes, we are connected to people we should not be connected to.  Exes are at the top of that list.  I made a choice from the day I joined Facebook and the day I joined Twitter that I would not follow/friend my exes.  It was not a difficult decision.  There are emotions wrapped up in those relationships.  In some cases, there are still very sensitive feelings attached to those past situations.  You may not even do or say anything to the person directly to create drama with your ex online.  Your ex may see you talking to a man, or they just may see you are happy by your online presence.  Frustration often turns to drama online.  Here’s an example of what we’re talking about:

I know a woman who had problems with her ex-husband, mostly over how they raise their child.  He would get on FB and make those “venting” yet “vague” type of posts we have all seen which were directed at her.  She would get upset and do the same thing.  They each know their relationship is contentious.  Why are they even FB “friends” when they can’t stand each other in real life?  “Unfriend”, problem solved—at least the online problem.

So what do we do when things get out of hand online with an ex?  The first thing we have to do is cut this person off from our world of social media.  Unfriend, unfollow, whatever we have to do, ladies.  Put an end to it, immediately.  Many times, we’re going to have mutual friends and acquaintances.  Exes often use those people in our lives to continue the drama.  Let those people know you realize they are friends with the ex, but you don’t want to discuss them any longer and if they continue to talk about the ex or keep the drama going, unfriend and unfollow them also.  Friends respect your wishes.  If they don’t respect you, they aren’t your friend.

Finally, if you feel this is threatening behavior, depending on the laws of your state, you may be able to get an order of protection or restraining order against someone harassing you online.  If you feel this is the case, save the email messages, posts, tweets or anything the person sends to you to provide for the authorities.  Harassment is never something to take lightly and If you sense you are being threatened or feel threatened in any way, take it very seriously immediately and go to the authorities. 

Some might argue for you to get off of social media completely.  I don’t agree (except in a few extreme exceptions), because that’s living out of fear and you are not living in fear of people, you are living in the unmerited favor of God. 

Following these actions can address the issue once it has reared its ugly head.  Next time, take the necessary steps initially and this drama can be and should be avoided.

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