Questions

I am a 23 year old Pastor’s son and have been addicted to online porn since the age of 14. I have been born and raised in a quite conservative denomination. I have never been able to come forth to my parents because of my mother, who I’m very closed to, is very old-fashioned and an extremely judgmental and prideful person. Yeah, I know right? I’ve always been too scared to ever mention it to anyone because of the shame I would receive from her and the church. I’m a virgin and have never had a serious girlfriend. Mainly because I was brainwashed to never get involved with girls, until after I got my education. I feel I have been imprisoned with the thought of shame if I ever came forth, from my parents to get help. I have been a youth leader and musician and even a mentor to people, yet I have no mentor or support for myself with my own problems. I have tried and failed multiple times through out the years to quit with this addiction. I have read the Bible and even many self-development books. I even took up some drinking and smoking to try to mask the pain and depression. I have developed so many insecurities about myself because of this sin and struggle. I am smart, tall, dark, handsome, and have had numerous girls fall for me, but still, it doesn’t matter. I now have made a decision to quit, today, for good. But what can I do, or who can I go to as a peer, to help me keep this decision for good?

When I was in high school I got involved with pornography. On top of that I really enjoyed looking at and touching women’s lingerie (especially bra’s). Some family friends of ours had a daughter that was a year older than me. Over the course of a few years when they weren’t home I would steal her bra’s out of her dresser. I would then take them home and when I was done I would burn them. My question to you is this: I feel horrible for doing this. It haunts me to this day, but I don’t know what to do. I’ve asked God for forgiveness, but am not sure if it would be beneficial to this girl, to talk to her about it. Do you have any suggestions? She is now married with kids as am I.

I sit here a broken man. I’m 32 years old. I’ve been married for 10years. I have 2 kids. a house. a car. i run my own business. and im a sex addict. oh and right now i hate myself more than i ever believed possible.

For the last 19 years ive been involved with pornography starting off with discovering my older brothers magazines, and then the internet. About 8 years ago i confessed to my wife. She was amazing, stuck by me, and tried to keep me accountable. A good friend has done the same. But i keep rollercosting it. i’ll go weeks, months occasionally, without looking or thinking lustful thoughts, and then ill let something slip and ill go on a porn fest for weeks usually before pull my self back out. But ive noticed that over the years, my craving and search for that high, that sexual excitement has increased. Soft porn used to be enough, then it needed to be hard core porn, movies, etc.. but then even that has become mundane. So then i started looking for ‘real’ experiences. Contacting woman online, at the time i never thought i would actually meet anyone. it was just another high. speaking to real people about sexual experiences. i started calling sex chat lines to. Anyway, i stopped contacting people about a year ago. I’ve still been looking at porn online now and again, but no real life experiences. Anyway, ive been ‘clean’ as it were for a few weeks, and then yesterday i was backing up my computer and found an old chat log, from a messenger chat i had with one of the woman i used to chat to. I had deleted all email accounts etc.. last year so had no way of contacting, until i found this today. And it hit me. that buzz. that excitment. i got in touch with her, and before i new it i was driving to meet her this morning. Ive never met anyone before. i sat outside the bar, and my heart was racing. but i was in that trance like state where nothing else matters. i went in. we chatted and then went out to the car where we kissed and…. well we didnt have sex, but as close as you can get. I drove home in tears. I now feel so so so sick. I havnt been intimate with anyone else since ive been married to my wife. I dont know what to do. It shouldnt have happened, but i couldnt control myself. Sounds lame i know. but now i dont know what to do. Although my marrage is in a bit of a rut, i do genuinly love my wife and kids. I just need help. But im scared. im so so scared. The whole experience feels like a dream. Not a nice dream, but just like it didnt really happen, like …. i dont know. i dont know where i go from here. ive ruined everything.