Questions

Frequently Asked Questions.

ejaculation

I had a dream about using porn and I woke up and I had ejaculated. Is this a sin?

This is still part of the ramifications of indulging orignially. If you’ve already confessed that as sin and have turned from that then I believe it is covered under that first confession and act of repentance. I don’t think anyone can hold our dreams against us— if so many of us are in trouble. You’re not alone. I wouldn’t let this trip you up.

Massages

I am a married man. A little while ago, I went to a Chinese Foot Massage establishment that I assumed was a legitmate business that did not offer anything other then a massage. However, after a little while the massage therapist starts giving me a hand job. I knew i should have told her to stop immediately and left right away, but i didn’t. I just let her do it. Nothing else happened besides that thank God. However, I’ve been struggling with the guilt of it, and whether its important to tell my wife or not. She knows I struggle with sexual addiction such as pornography and masturbation, and she is understanding of it. However, does it do any good to tell her about this, or will it only make her worry more. I’ve heard other Godly men say that it is not always necessary to tell your wife about every sexual struggle you have. I just need some advise.

While it may not be necessary to share ever struggle– this was an encounter. There is a big difference. I am not a counselor but I do think you might want to consider speaking to one about this particular incident and what their take on it is. I wouldn’t go to just any counselor but rather someone who specializes in this area. You could try the one time counseling call to a Pure Life Ministries counselor– I would trust their advice.

You are definitely not your mistakes and repentance is a gift given by God and it sounds like you are remorseful. I do think confession to someone and accountability is very important especially to help you when a weak moment comes along again.

A wife who has very little sexual desire

Hello, I have read some of your advice on avoiding the appearance of using a wife for sexual satisfaction. While I get it, I am greatly troubled by it. My wife seems to have almost no natural desire for Sex. I try everything I can think of to “Romance” her and she often seems to enjoy it. However, she is not motivated to respond with sexual intimacy. I tend to feel used and cheated as a husband. I am not perfect but I try to be a good husband. I am a good provider and actively engaged in our family. I try to organize dates and invite her to join me in all sorts of activities but she is not interested. I would not withhold from her anything that I could provide to make her happier, but what about me? I know she often tries to “Meet my needs” but I often just feel tolerated, not wanted. What am I supposed to do? Why does it feel like as a husband I am always asked to be more understanding and patient? Does she have no obligation in this marriage? What does a Christian man do with an active sexual appetite when his wife just seems disinterested?

It sounds like you guys both need a visit to a counselor who can help you both understand the importance of sexuality in marriage and perhaps what the hang up seems to be.

We offer a couples workshop that discusses so many aspects of love and respect in marriage and the marriage bed but there are also many Christian counselors or pastors that can help you as well.

Best Wishes