Frequently Asked Questions.
My dad has been hiding a year long pornography addiction. I am disgusted, betrayed, and very very angry. I am not angry because of the porn itself, I know God redeems addictions. I’m very angry because he has claimed to be moral and upstanding while he was hiding this. What he claimed and boasted to be was very different than what he was.
How can I get rid of my anger? How do I forgive? How do I ever restore that trust?
I think forgiveness is a process.
You choose to forgive knowing that we are called to do so. But I am one who believes that trust is to be earned and to be built. If your dad has come clean and is repentant than over time the trust should be restored naturally. However– that is not always the case. Pornography is a huge trap. Men and women are in bondage to something that is prevalent in our culture and all over main stream society— the things that can lure men in so easily is disheartening and I have found when I look at it through eyes of compassion– eyes that choose to see how hard this must truly be for our men then my heart softens from anger.
The other thing I want to mention is harder to grasp but I still think it is worth discussing. Our parents are people we should be able to look up to. They (hopefully) guide us and help shape us. So inevitably when they fail– especially if it is a morality issue then our world is rocked. Somehow we may have been viewing them as superhero or someone who should know better etc. and we forget that they too are human wearing flesh just like we are.
The one thing that continues to keep me humble is knowing who I am before God. When I think of all that God has been willing to free me of and all that Jesus bore for me, it makes it very hard to hold someone else in unforgiveness. If you continue to struggle I would recommend making an appointment with your pastor to see if he can give you more insight.
My husband used to have a problem with porn, and I made it very clear to him that I was very uncomfortable with it. About 6 months ago, he finally stopped using porn, when I just broke down in front of him because I had caught him and he tried to lie to me. I just broke down and ended up making myself sick because I was so upset. He swears up and down that he doesn’t cheat, and that he doesn’t watch porn or anything anymore, but something still just doesn’t feel… honest. I found his meet me about a month ago, and was totally devastated, and I know the password he uses for everything and I saw the messages. He stopped before it went too far, but it still hurt because he had called 2 other women “cutie” and invited them to cuddle (which I know didn’t happen, given they’re from the UK and Tennessee). At first, he was totally dishonest with me, and tried to play me for dumb and say it was hacked, but he eventually just came out with the truth when I just stopped talking to him or acting like I care. Like I said, he swears up and down that he hasn’t cheated (besides that one instance of flirting), and that he hasn’t watched porn since he claimed he quit, but I just can’t believe him. Is it me, with trust issues? Or should I follow my gut feeling? Note, I am pregnant so my emotions are crazy, and I really do want to make this work, but it’s hard to believe it will when I feel like there’s no honesty.
No, it is not just you and your hormones or emotions. Your husband is clearly still being deceitful and still caught up in sexual sin regardless of the form.
He needs help now and my recommendation is to take it a step further than you did before. Did you call a pastor or trusted male godly friend? If not, do so. Actually— give him the choice– he calls or you do. And most importantly FOLLOW THROUGH.
He needs true accountability. He needs a filtering software on his computer and any smart phone device he has. It would be beneficial for him to sojourn with other guys who have or are dealing with this. X3groups would be a great place for that. We also have groups for spouses.
Best wishes to you dear one. I’m sure this is heartbreaking and the last thing you need to be dealing with in pregnancy.
i am addicted to porn, I had friends that introduced it to me in 8th grade. I stopped being friends with them but am still addicted, how can I stop?
You are searching for help and I want to tell you that God will honor that. Spend some time in our students section on the site. Read through the blogs. Interact there if you feel led. Consider downloading X3watch to your computer and any smart phone you may have. Definitely confess your struggle to a trusted pastor, youth pastor, parent or strong godly friend. You need accountability in your life and for someone to hold you accountable. Email us and we will give you a free copy of the book OPEN to help you get the discussion going.