Questions


Frequently Asked Questions.

ejaculation

I had a dream about using porn and I woke up and I had ejaculated. Is this a sin?

This is still part of the ramifications of indulging orignially.  If you’ve already confessed that as sin and have turned from that then I believe it is covered under that first confession and act of repentance.   I don’t think anyone can hold our dreams against us— if so many of us are in trouble.  You’re not alone.  I wouldn’t let this trip you up.

Porn Addiction Vs. Habit

I caught my husband two years ago using porn. Since then we have gone to counseling., groups, etc. My husband has never been consistent in going to groups and counseling. He is in and out of them. He used porn again when he was mad at me 10 months ago. Aside from that there have been no “slips” that I know about. He said that before I caught him he looked at porn maybe once a month and masturbated about every week (sometimes without porn but thought of other women). He says he struggles more with anxiety and depression. Porn was just his drug of choice. He also has a very low sex drive. My counselor met with him last week to hear his side of the story. (Eventually we will be doing couples counseling). After meeting with my husband she said that she doesn’t think he had a porn addiction. She said he abused porn but doesn’t have the typical symptoms (signs) of an addict. Up until now I’ve always viewed him as an addict. Either way it’s hurtful of course but I’m a little curious about your thoughts on addiction vs. Habit?

That is definitely an interesting thought:  “masturbating once a week and looking at porn once a month (repetitive behavior) is just a habit not addiction” Ok– well if he can stop and never return it to again then I guess it is not an addiction. 

But I ask you, him (and I guess ultimately that counselor)— does that  make it less sinful or less hurtful in his walk with the Lord?  In his marriage?   In his productivity?   In the way he feels about himself and life?    I think those are the bigger questions.

It sounds like he is willing to get help if he went to a counselor but I certainly hope that he doesn’t look at this “assesment” as an “out” to deal with whatever the root issues are that are causing him to want to find an escape through porn and masturbation.

I also hope that you will continue to get the counseling you need so that you can come to a place of understanding this is not about you and should not be made about you and you can stand in confidence in God in who you are regardless of your husband’s choices and ultimately that God would give you a heart of compassion instead of brokenenss so that you can spur your husband on- be his cheerleader and really help enourage him in his walk with God and purity! 🙂  Check out our entire spouses section for more resources for you.

God bless you both.

Massages

I am a married man. A little while ago, I went to a Chinese Foot Massage establishment that I assumed was a legitmate business that did not offer anything other then a massage. However, after a little while the massage therapist starts giving me a hand job. I knew i should have told her to stop immediately and left right away, but i didn’t. I just let her do it. Nothing else happened besides that thank God. However, I’ve been struggling with the guilt of it, and whether its important to tell my wife or not. She knows I struggle with sexual addiction such as pornography and masturbation, and she is understanding of it. However, does it do any good to tell her about this, or will it only make her worry more. I’ve heard other Godly men say that it is not always necessary to tell your wife about every sexual struggle you have. I just need some advise.

While it may not be necessary to share ever struggle– this was an encounter.  There is a big difference.   I am not a counselor but I do think you might want to consider speaking to one about this particular incident and what their take on it is.  I wouldn’t go to just any counselor but rather someone who specializes in this area.  You could try the one time counseling call to a Pure Life Ministries counselor– I would trust their advice.

You are definitely not your mistakes and repentance is a gift given by God and it sounds like you are remorseful.  I do think confession to someone and accountability is very important especially to help you when a weak moment comes along again.

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