Frequently Asked Questions.
Recently our school district has introduced a new technology plan. Starting in Middle school, each student is provided an iPad Mini for all their schoolwork. Sadly, we have watched our 12 year old daughter plummet from a self-confident, self-motivated, consistent Honor Roll student and member of the NJHS to failing almost every class in school. The iPad has become an appendage. She uses it almost constantly-obviously it is not for school by looking at her grades and the daily emails we receive for missing/late assignments. When we try to figure out what she is doing with it, all the history has already been deleted. We want to know what is consuming our daughter’s time and causing her to become depressed and isolated from our whole family. We do not believe it is necessarily pornography, but is she endangering herself in chat rooms or email, etc. The district has blocks and filters in place, but as concerned parents, we still see more online access and freedom than we are comfortable with giving to our daughter. We have blocked so much on the device already, however it seems impossible to keep up with the newest chat/text sites, etc. My husband and I discussed that rather than continuing to lose the battle of blocking and restricting access, we would like to install X3watch to monitor her activity to open opportunities for discussion. Instead of just blocking everything, we would like to teach her about accountability and using the internet responsibly with integrity. We also have a son that will receive an iPad Mini next year as he moves on to the school she is currently attending. We realize that someday, there won’t be someone there to restrict our childrens’ access to the internet-and hopefully over the next six years we will be able to teach our children these valuable life lessons as technology marches on. The content and access to inappropriate information in the future will probably continue to grow and spread like a disease.
On your site, we were unable to find detailed information about what the report looks like and exactly what it will show. Will it only show questionable/inappropriate sites, or does it show ALL activity on the devices that it is installed on in your home? It would be very helpful if somewhere on your site there was a sample report and explanation of what it does and does not show. We already have the school’s permission to install this application on our daughter’s iPad. If it shows everything, I know of many other concerned and involved parents that will follow in our footsteps. If the current report layout is only intended for “risky” sites or for strictly AP’s of people struggling with pornography addiction, perhaps something should be developed for parents in the same situation as we are-a report for parents that shows the choices our children are making online and the paths our children are taking whenever we have our back turned? Thank you very much for everything you do…xxxChurch is making the world a better place and saving families!
First, I just want to say that I think you have made a wise statement and I applaud you for standing firm.
“We realize that someday, there won’t be someone there to restrict our childrens’ access to the internet-and hopefully over the next six years we will be able to teach our children these valuable life lessons as technology marches on. The content and access to inappropriate information in the future will probably continue to grow and spread like a disease.”
I thought it was important to post your question live on the site so that others can see what is happening in many schools today and that you, the parent do still have the “upper hand” (position of control) so to speak where your children are concerned. You can set time limits for iPad usage. You can make it only available in public areas of your home etc. AND most importantly you can still install additional filtering software on it such as X3watch. Lastly, I highly recommend that you visit our sister site- iParent.TV and partake of it. It’s free and is an asset to parents and caretakers of children growing up in today’s technical and overtly-sexual world.
I am also forwarding your contact information onto a lead supervisor at X3watch so they can assist in answering your specific software questions.
God bless you & your household today and always!
My 23 year old daughter has been developing a relationship with a boy over the past 2-3 years. They became more serious in the past year and have been discussing marriage. His parents, my wife and I support their goals about purity with each other and I believe they have stayed within their self-decided boundaries. (Both families are believers and both attended different Christian colleges. They initially met as staff members at a summer camp.) A few days ago, he called and what I thought was going to be to ask permission to marry my daughter was a confession that he has been struggling with Pornography since Jr. High. Apparently in an interview for a position he was asked about any areas of struggle that he was having that the leadership should be aware of prior to his arrival. He told them this issue. That day he called his to dad to tell him and then a couple days later called and told me. I kept my cool and believe was supportive, but am struggling with what ways I can help him versus wanting to “get my daughter away from him”. (He asked if I could continue to date my daughter and while I told him yes, I also said I reserved the right to change my mind in the future.) OK, so I’m mostly concerned that as they move forward (she wants to help him) that I can (1) help get him support from the proper place and people who understand this and (2) protecting my daughter who I’m concerned might end up in a co-dependent relationship. At this point he has given her total administrative control of his electronics. Suggestions and Advice.
Dear Concerned Father,
How awesome is it that your daughter’s boyfriend was brutally honest with a struggle that he has battled and no doubt has suffered a great deal of regret and shame for a long time. He took the risk to tell the truth knowing it could cost him his job, his relationship with your daugther and with you. Wow… I’m impressed! I don’t think anyone does that unless they are serious about pursuing freedom!
As a parent myself, I absolutely understand and applaud your concern for your daughter and you’ve hit it head on. She cannot monitor or police or control this for him— that actually can make it so much worse and the end result is that they’ll both be miserable and spent.
He needs men in his life to be his accountability partners and to receive his accountability reports (she can receive reports too but the men should be the ones holding his feet to the fire so to speak). I highly recommend that he get involved in with one of our X3groups and that they both get some counseling (pure life ministries offers a great program for both men and women) and she should spend some time in our spouses section even though they are not married to see what kind of commitment it takes and whether she can sign up for that or not.
I’ve seen some great stories of restoration and redemption so hang in there with this guy if you can and give the fruit a chance to ripen. You’ll know if he’s bearing fruit that remains or not in time.
I don’t understand the draw of rape pornography. All three of my sons have been found watching it. It is out there in so many forms: live-action video, anime, walk-throughs, etc. I need to know how to help address this. I worry that I messed up with my other son in addressing this and heaped shame on him. I don’t want to do that to my youngest and I have to talk to him about watching anime rape cartoons. It turns my stomach and is so painful to even think about! How can my precious son find anything even remotely interesting in this!?! It is horrific! We have talked with them quite plainly about sex, abuse, God’s design, and I thought rape. I don’t know how to help him, please help me.
While we are not counselors here, we can point you to resources. Have you visited our Parent’s section? There are so many blogs, articles and helpful information.
It may also help you to call a counselor that deals with sexual development so that they can help you walk through this and help you to address it and perhaps even a meeting with your son.
I agree it is disturbing and you should not ignore that warning sign. I’m not saying your son(s) will end up doing harm but clearly violence against women should be discussed. I commend you for seeing the need to do this without shame and I commend you for not just pushing it under the rug.
God bless you.