Questions


Frequently Asked Questions.

is it a sin? is it normal? how do i stop

Is it ok to masterbait?

We have had literally thousands of emails about this particular issue. We have heard all the scenarios. “Well if I think about fruit while I’m masturbating, then that is not a sin.” Well isn’t that clever. Or…”If I’m giving glory to the Lord while I’m doing it, then that can’t be wrong.” Hmmm. Why don’t we just make that part of our Sunday morning services then? We have heard all the Pro-masturbation Christian arguments and we wonder if these people are dealing in reality. It’s all very intellectual and quite scholarly, but we still don’t get it. Sorry.

Our stance is simply this: you want to live a life that is honoring to God then start pleasing him and stop pleasing yourself. Stop making excuses and get some control over your life. Yes, it is tough. Yes, we know hormones are raging. However, God is calling us to holiness. Live an extraordinary life. Masturbation will leave you hanging every time! It is a selfish act that pleases no one but YOU. God created sex to be between a man and his wife. Not a man and his girlfriend and not a man or woman with himself or herself.

Fighting temptation

Ive tried many times to fight against the temptation that I feel but it is overwhelming and I have no idea how to fight it. Bible study and accountability partners have helped to an extent but once I feel the urge to look at pornography everything I know to be right goes out the window – the internet connection I use has a firewall which blocks out most sights but its not perfect so I am able to view pretty much whatever I want. My situation has gotten completely out of hand and I really really need help! IS there anything I can do to conquer my addiction?

We understand that this is a tough battle that you are going through right now and you need to get it under control with being such a young age. Admitting to the fact that you have and addiction to this is one of the first steps.

Confess this to God and tell Him that you want to change and that you want for Him to send people in your life who will help you win this fight. He will hear your pray and He is a powerful God but, He will not just come down here and stop it for you. He will provide you the tools and the resources but, He wants you to step and do this thing.

After you have talked to God about this find someone right away that you know who can be your accountability partner. Someone who you see often and will have the ability to hold you accountable at all costs. Being your age I would suggest it be someone who is your elder and will be able to provide good mature counsel on this issue. This can be someone from your church, family member, and maybe even your parents. I know this step is tough but, you have to do this if you want to get free from this. You will not be able to do this on your own.

After you have an accountability partner you need to sit down with them and build a plan figure out what your triggers are and how they affect you. Get accountability software. If the internet or mobile devices are you hang up and this is where you turn to get your porn, get accountability and filter software right away and get this covered. We have a great program called X3 Watch that you could use for this. Set up a meeting schedule to meet with your accountability partner to discuss how things are going and if you are following your sobriety plan that you have developed with them.

Do not think this will go away over night; you have trained your brain to need this crap and you will need to train your brain that it is not needed and that it will hurt you. Celebrate small victories and do not give up if there are stumbles, keep going and dig in for the fight. Please know that you are not alone in this and that God loves you so much. He will never remove His love for you because of what you did, are doing, or might do during your recovery. We are here praying for you and know that you can do this.

This really bothers me

I have had a hard time with looking at pornographic pics for a long time and, I am always asking God for forgiveness. Its seems that its gotten to the point that its more of a ritual than actual repentence. I do want to overcome this but, I want to feel that closenesss to God again and I want to stop feeling that eptiness insside. I know God is forgiving but, I’m afraid that I’ve reached His limits. Is that just satan speaking or what? I just need help. Please answer!

First off lets dive into your struggle with pornography. Yours sounds like so many other stories were people get involved with it, want to stop but, can not. It also sounds similar as well when I read your words of praying to God and asking Him to take it away. And the ladder where you say that you have made a vow to just stop watching porn.

Lets break this down a bit. You have admitted this as a struggle and confessed it to God and this is the first step; great job. You have also allowed God into this process to help you become pure again but, you have stopped here and not allowed real change.

br />
span style=”border-collapse: separate; color: #000000; font-family: Tahoma; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: 2; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; font-size: medium;”>Another way to get good accountability and a safe place to do it is with an X3 Groups Online group. You can find out more about it at www.X3groups.com It is a great program.

God is amazing and through Him all things can be done; THROUGH Him. The thing is you have prayed to Him for help and the that this would stop but, He is not going to just make this stop. What He will do though is provide you the tools, people, and resources to fight this battle and aid you in doing this. You just need to look around and see what that is.

You need to find accountability to help you in this fight and is willing to hold you to you desire to be pure. This person could be a friend, family member, or someone from your church. But, you need to have accountability in this because you will not be able to do it alone, I promise. I know this is a tough thing to do but, if you do not do it now on your terms that it will happen and it will not be on your terms and it will not be pretty.

Your vow to stop; is good but, this is what we call white knuckle change not real change. White knuckle change is when we promise to stop cold turkey and pound our fist to the table and say enough is enough I am done with this. We do good for a few days, weeks, maybe a little longer but, what happens after that is temptation creeps in. We fight the desire to look but, it gets tougher and tougher to the point that we clasp our fist and make a fist trying to fight it till our knuckle turn white and then we just cave in and look. Real change is getting to know why we look at this stuff. Figuring out the psychological  structure behind the addiction with looking at this stuff. Understanding what unconditional love is and knowing how much He really loves us for who we are. Then real change will take place and until we do this and allow for real change to take place we will relapse again and again.

Resources for real change would be the very place I learned it was a book called Pure Eyes that you can find in the XXXchurch.com store. You can also find solid accountability software and filters at www.X3Watch.com

I would have a talk with him and just let him know that you have seen some sites on the computer that have been accessed and that you would like to talk about it. As a guy he looks and craves respect so make sure that you do not come to him angry, upset, or distraught or this will only push him in the corner and make him want to fight his way out.

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