BLOG
Get insight, advice, and encouragement from our community of writers on the topics of porn addiction and sexual integrity.
Frequently Asked Questions.
I found out about my boyfriends 10+yr sexual addiction just a few months ago. It was a very slow and agonizing process to get as many details as I have. Not one truth was told openly by him, only after I had cold hard facts (and even then he would still lie). He promises to be changed this time around, but I’m so hurt and unbelieving. I’m trying to educate myself, learn to heal, and grow together, but he keeps shutting me out. He is now deployed with the USAF. This has really caused a lot of uncertainty again because his stories are beginning to not add up again and he is becoming more distant. Am I crazy to stay with him, or am I just going crazy period? I’ve tried to talk to him in every way possible. I’ve tried so hard to be supportive, and help him, but I cry every day and I’m getting more and more angry because I can tell he is still lying. I need help!!! Church, counseling, therapists, books, friends -nothing is helping. I’m becoming more isolated and resentful with evey moment he ignores me and makes me feel disposable. Where do I go from here?
This is just a hard place to be in. I don’t think you are crazy but I do think you want to believe that things can be different. In some way you hope that you can be enough and that he wouldn’t need all of that other stuff…. the truth is— he more than likely had this issue long before you. Although this affects you deeply— it is not about you. This is about him– this is his heart issue. No amount of anything you do will ever bring about change in him.
I’ve been there. After 2 years I went forward in marriage thinking that once married, marriage and a normal life together would make it go away. It didn’t… year after year as he got more comfortable with me his porn use grew and he took more risks— always assuming I would still be “there”.
After 10 years he finally left. I’m thankful today that he made that decision but it was still 12 years of my life washed away with many hopes, dreams and good desires for what I wanted and expected in life. Starting over for me, at this stage has not been easy. You are not married- there is no biblical reason for you to stay. Starting over is rarely easy for anyone actually— but I can tell you this. Starting over without crying every day, without living in anger every day– without being lied to everyday, without being de-valued everyday is far better than staying in comfortable (familiar) pain.
It sounds like you’ve exhausted many efforts (counseling, church, therapists, books, friends) as you mentioned so I am not going to point you to any more of those. It sounds like you know what you need to do.
I’m saying a prayer for you today.
You are not alone and God has a purpose for you and a plan for your life– walk with Him into that.
Be well,
MT
My son has had problems with his Mac laptop. It’s at the geek squad at best buy. How do we uninstall it..tripplexxx? His email is [email protected] Please email me and let me know so I can tell the geek sqad and we can get his computer cleared up. Thanks, Peter
Peter,
You will need to go to www.X3watch.com and click on the support tab in the upper right. I am not a software person here on the ministry side of XXXchurch— please contact tech support at X3watch.
Thank you!
After being addicted to porn for five years, going on a church retreat had helped me stop masturbating for about a month. Unfortunately the only thing I struggle with is dealing with the urges. Is there any way I could end these or limit these urges to masturbate or is is it going to be a constant, ongoing struggle.
This is a good question. First, we want to say that any victory is a victory. If you aren’t looking at porn anymore then that is a good thing and an accomplishment worth celebrating. It will also be very beneficial in the long run. Masturbation can also be a problem (especially when you are young and full of hormones). The way masturbation works (chemically speaking) is that the more you do it the more you want to do it. Given enough time and some of those urges will lessen. However, as a young man you will still face temptation and times when you feel like acting out. The is where discipline comes in. Reach out to accountability partner, take a walk, get out of the house … whatever, just try to break the moment and escape the temptation. You may not always be victorious in this but it sounds like you are making progress and headed in a healthier direction.
Sign up for Weekly Encouragement and Advice
1. Add [email protected] to your address book
2. Mark your 1st email from us as NOT SPAM
PS. Find out how you can make sure our emails get to your inbox here.
Please provide your best contact information so we can send you the action plan. It's totally free.
We respect your privacy and never share your data.
